Paging Anastasia R Steele
by xxIvorySkinnedxx
Summary: To Do List: Take down Jack Hyde, get over Christian, stop speaking to voices in head, jog, speak to current and new friends, figure out how to work at GEH without bumping into Christian. What else? Get over Christian, eat food, cut my hair, get over Christian Grey! I tap my pen against the edge of my notepad, is it sad that most of these are in hopes of getting over Christian.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named**

I have successfully survived my first day at work, and third day post… _him_. Work has been a strange and welcoming distraction, flying by in a haze of new faces, work to do, and Mr Hyde.

 _Oh!_ I groan mentally. The _overbearing, too friendly_ Jack Hyde who is surprisingly, _despite_ it being only my first day already giving me a weird feeling.

I meet his gaze uncertainly as he smiles down brightly at me, his eyes a twinkling blue as he leans far too close to me on my new desk. "Excellent work Ana. I think we're going to make a great team." I try to ignore the pang of doubt at his words but give him a tight, smile.

"I'll be off, if that's okay with you," I mutter. "Of course, it's five thirty." He says. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Mr Hyde."

"Please, call me Jack. Goodnight Ana." _I actually wish you'd call me Anastasia..._

Collecting my bag, I shrug on my jacket and head into the early evening air of Seattle. The bus is quiet and awkward, and I keep my mind busy from _him_ with thoughts of today. My inner goddess and I have been on a mission to eliminate Christi- _him_ from my mind, she has gone into permanent hibernation since the day I walked out of Escala.

We've been moderately successful. I've managed to consciously _almost_ stop associating every thought with him but my subconscious hasn't gotten the memo, she sees him in people and objects consistently.

 _It's a small step back,_ I tell myself as I see the outline of _his_ face in the messy bun of the woman in front of me. This, sadly, has partnered with my sudden growing and annoying conscience; a sudden and unwanted visitor. My life has somehow turned into a comedic strip shown in cartoons. Where two contrary voices whisper in my ears; the white angel and the red vixen. Not exactly controlling my reactions to situations, but always hovering over me to see my decision and scrutinize it. Their only helpful contributions have been helping me with proper etiquette when I zone out or forget that people do specific emotions in reaction to things.

I snort a laugh and the man next to me furrows his eyebrows at me. I have to laugh because if I don't I'll surely cry.

It's like i'm in a TV show from my childhood. Wherein this teenage boy hits his head while at a cartoon themed amusement park, hard enough to warrant a concussion. When he wakes up in the hospital he can see, hear and talk to said theme park cartoon characters, and he's stuck with them. My characters are my goddess, conscious and conscience with its two polar opposite kids- the white angel and red vixen.

The man next to me reaches his stop and I close my eyes and rest my head in my palms rubbing my face hard, because I must be the first woman to go crazy in a such a short amount of time.

 _It's only been three days._ The vixen snubs with disdain. _And the void inside me is only increasing,_ I muse in agreement running shaky hand through my too long hair.

The apartment is cold and empty without Kate. She's most probably lying on a beach in Barbados blissfully sipping a cool cocktail. I inhale deeply before filling the silence with the flat screen TV. The noise fills the vacuum and provides some semblance of company but, I don't listen or watch. I find myself staring at the envelope on the counter, it withholds the cheque for my Wanda. I miss her and the Audi. However, I suspect _he_ overdid it in payment and it makes me feel cheap, and slightly bitter.

I realize my mind is on _him,_ again… And try not to cry.

I hear the intercom buzz and it startles me. _How long have I been sitting here?_

When I press the intercom receiver a bored, young voice answers. "Delivery for Ms. Steele." Downstairs I meet an adolescent man chewing gum, with his mouth open, holding a long, medium-sized cardboard box, leaning nonchalant against the front door.

As I sign for it, I wonder idly if he sees cartoon characters, but a quick glance over tells me the only cartoons he sees are hentai related and take the box upstairs with a tight smile thrown over my shoulder. Its light, my heart drums and I hope deeply that it's nothing from him. _Why would he send me something anyway?_ In my apartment my hands resume shaking, as I uncover the box to find two dozen long- stemmed white roses laying on a bed of red tissue paper and a card.

I stare at them, beautiful and wonderful as they are and run my fingers down the stem of one. No thorns, the curiosity of what pricking my finger against one must feel like hovers in my mind momentarily, to feel anything. "Maybe I should take up a dare devil sport because I'm starting to scare myself." I mutter plucking one of the roses petal before picking up the note.

 _Congratulations on your first day at work. I hope it went well._

 _And thank you for the glider. That was very thoughtful._

 _It has pride of place on my desk._

 _Christian_

Christian. _Christian. Christian!_

His name unleashes a new, overwhelming pain inside me, it comes so abruptly that for a few seconds I'm knocked breathless from its force. The petal hits the ground and all together I feel everything inside me sink. Torturous images of his face fill my mind, and my hand fumbles to cling to the marble counter to keep me upright. I grab the box, roughly slamming the lid back on and run to the window facing the pavement. I hesitate.

 _No, I can't._ I realize and the twist it sends to my heart is what makes me head in the opposite direction and out my front door. My legs with a deciding push from the white angel- carry me across the hall to the door across from mine and Kates'. Ungainly, my hands now clammy and trembling knock twice on the door. The box is taunting. I consider leaving it here and running.

My conscious stares at me wide eyed and I nod in agreement. _This is stupid I'm hysterical, or something!_ Turning to leave I whirl back when the creak of the door opening sirens me. I look down to find a little girl staring at me with big, bright green eyes. She's wearing black and yellow PJ's and she has straight, red hair in a sloppy side pony.

"Sorry lady, I'm not allowed to open the door to strangers." The girl goes to close it when a wash cloth covered hand reaches out to stop the door.

"Maddy! No." A woman says scooting the girl to the side then shooing her away with the cloth, the girl huffs in response pouting before walking away grumbling. "So, must I or mustn't I open the door to strangers. Always changing your mind."

"Sorry," The woman apologizes chuckling lightly while looking after the retreating girl. "She can be _a brat_!" Her voice increases to make sure the girl hears her and then she turns to me.

I realize I must look quite a sight, because when she takes me in her freckled cheeks form a worried smile. "Hey, are you okay?" She asks drying her hands with the wash cloth.

"Yeah." I say too quickly. "Here." I thrust the box to her and she looks down at it before raising an inquisitive eyebrow at me. "I'm Ana, your new neighbor." I manage to say. "Do y- you think you… c-could you take this for me please?" My throat is tight and the tears threatening are verging overwhelming.

"What is it? A body part? A giant casserole?" I don't know what to say. What do you say in a situation like this? _'Hi could you please take these roses so I'm not constantly reminded of my not- ex, but ex Dominant?' Should of thought of a better plan-_

"Is it a break up?" I meet her pensive gaze and hesitantly nod. "The asshole sent flowers, right?" Another nod.

She gives me a sympathetic smile and doesn't say anything else. She flings the cloth over one shoulder and I hand the box to her. "Thank you." I say as she lifts the lid and marvels at the roses.

"A girl in need. Plus, I love flowers."

A nudge in my head from one of the characters has me sticking my hand out. "Anastasia Steele."

"Chloe." She laughs easing the awkwardness. "Chloe Vegmont." She manoeuvres the box under one arm then shakes my hand. I glance her over as we do grasping the fact that I haven't even seen my sudden unusual hero properly. She looks about my age and her hair's the same color as the young girl's, except wildly, curly and her eyes a pastel green. Her stature and the way she holds herself reminds me of a ballerina or gymnast.

"You want to come in for a drink? I make and I am tooting my own horn here a _banging_ tea." She grins and pushes the door open with her hip, and I momentarily see flowers and bright colors before making eye contact again. It's the right words, the right everything.

The angel nods, the vixen shrugs. "Thanks again, I'm good." I don't do what's expected, and promise another time but the ends of my lips turn upwards. I smile, I think. "Another time for sure though, right?" Her worry is evident, my smile must've been unconvincing.

I nod because it's what's expected.

"Later neighbour." She says closing the door, not before I hear her say. "Hey brat, next time you'll be on the other side of that door." I can't find it in myself to laugh as I slowly trek back to my apartment. Once I shut the door behind me, I lean my back against it and slide down until my butt connects with the floor. The TV buzzes distantly, as I draw my knees in and bury my face into them.

"Thanks for the flowers." I mutter and stare at the discarded petal, then finally allow myself to cry.

* * *

I feel better today… and worse.

It's better because I'm surviving another day post him, and another day at work. It's worse because the _overbearing, too friendly Jack Hyde_ is still, at an unnerving consistency giving me a strange feeling. It's worse because when I left the apartment this morning for work there was a single rose left at the foot of my door and I couldn't help myself from taking it and putting it on my bedside, next to its missing petal, on top of the card.

It's better because I meet Claire, the receptionist. She wears silver hooped earrings, extravagant makeup, and a bright, sneaky smile and I realize I'm speaking to more women my own age since Kate left than I expected. She's friendly and invites me out for lunch the next day. Then it's worse again, because _he_ doesn't call or text, but I manage to push that aside because of Jack. He makes me feel edgy and the next day as I stare down at my tea and muffin in apprehension, I want to ask Claire about him. _Will she be protective of Jack? Does she even know anything?_

Claire sits at ease gingerly taking a sip of her chai latte. When I finally graze the subject, she asks questionably. "What about Jack?" Then she frowns. I think it's my question, but I see it's just the chai. "Oh, they never put enough sugar in these." She rips two brown sugar packets and pours them inside her mug. My eyes sweep the café as she stirs, a cute small one just a few blocks from work.

"Aren't chai's' super sweet?" I ask conversationally, my voice unwillingly witless.

"Not sweet enough." She shrugs. "So, Jack?"

I pause thinking of ways to phrase the words properly. "H- He's kind of odd, and intrusive." She bobs her head in tow with my words seemingly indifferent, so I carry on. "I mean he is kind, and charismatic and attractive I _suppose_ but… I don't feel quite- right about him." A slight pang of guilt and embarrassment washes over me, at the dauntlessness of revealing my feelings about my boss only a few days in, to a receptionist I'm hardly acquainted with.

Claire's lips purse as she balances the cup just under her mouth. I sit silently searching, but she avoids eye contact pointedly. It satisfies me. There's something odd about Jack and Claire knows. After a few seconds she takes a large, scalding gulp from her mug and places it on the table. Her amber eyes finally meeting mine.

"Please." I plead. She glances at the door as if wanting to escape but sighs in defeat. "When I first started working here the old receptionist harassed me."

"Wait, what?" Not what I expected to hear at all.

"Okay, she didn't exactly harass me." She rolls her eyes as if it's just semantics. "She pulled me into an ally while I was walking home. I was a few weeks in to SIP and she screamed at me. Told me I should quit SIP and to get out of there immediately and to stay away from those in power. I thought she was absolutely crazy. Elizabeth even confirmed it."

"Human Resources, Elizabeth?"

"Yeah, apparently this receptionist had 'issues'," She whispers using air quotes. "Had a breakdown or something and completely whacked out and left. I had to sign a confidentiality agreement and agreed not to file charges because she's mentally sick."

I want to say 'I'm sorry', because I'm supposed to, but manage only to sit back and take a long drink of my tea. It's cold but, I jug down half of it. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." I eventually manage my voice wavering and soft.

"I've written it off and all, but since then I've felt super weird being at SIP especially around Jack. It's like this feeling of impending doom, you know?" _I do know_ , because Claire has just successfully and quite literally hit the nail on the head with my feelings towards Jack.

"Did the woman say anything? Give you anything?"

"I ran away before she could say much screaming _bloody murder_ , but I have this memorized to heart." Claire takes her bag which was hanging peacefully from her chair and makes a show of taking out her lip balm, keys, tissues and whatever else, until finally seeming satisfied at retrieving a pad and pencil. "She told me as I ran if I ever wanted any answers to go to…"

I watch her scribble something quickly as she speaks, then she rips the paper out and slides it too me. "This address. Ask for the name I wrote, don't repeat this to anyone. Please, Ana, I'm risking my job here and I have a family to help at home." She gives me an uneven smile then proceeds to put her contents back. "I've sent others to her. They always come back scared shitless and leave SIP within a month. It's made me too scared to go find her I need this money."

I nod. "I won't say a word." I promise pocketing the note then picking up my tea. _Why the hell does this feel like I'm a secret agent about to go on a mission that will ultimately kill me?_

"Did you know that-" Claire easily diverts the conversation to something lighter speaking vibrantly about her family. I decide I like Claire, her talking endlessly makes it so you only need to make small noises of attentiveness and seem waveringly interested. As she speaks for once I'm not thinking of him. I'm thinking of Hyde. _What's his secret? And if I find out will I still want to work for him. Doubtful, he's already trekking on thin ice._

"So anyway, we're all having a family get together thing at Tacoma this weekend. It will be great except my snobby Aunt Farnie will be there- Hey, what's the time? Oh, crap- let's go we're 10 minutes over and I'm the receptionist." We leave my empty tea, picked at muffin and run back Claire giggling the whole way as if we did something enigmatic, and mischievous.

"Ana," Jack waves his index finger at me scolding as I flop into my seat. I almost cringe upon seeing him, not from fear of being chastened but knowing he has deep, dark secret now. "Sorry Jack, we lost track of time."

"We?" he raises an eyebrow as if he's been given a challenge, and he likes it. "Boyfriend out there?" My heart drops when I say. "E- Ex." I breathe taking a moment to compose myself as pain ripples through me before realizing he's still waiting. "I... no, it... it was me and Claire- Claire and I."

"Its fine Ana, just watch the time." He gives me a bright chilling smile and saunters back into his office leaving me with a pile of correspondences addressed to him. Though it helps in distracting me. Jack the ass, I've decide to call him has diverted my thoughts once again to _him._

 _Is he thinking about me?_ I shake my head and all the characters agree, and divert my attention to the files in front of me.

Until, there's a ping from my email.

* * *

 **Hey guys, so I've been working on this story for so long and have been wanting to post it. Was just waiting for the right moment that never came, so just biting the gun here.**

 **This story will encompass a lot, its a journey for Anastasia, her relationship with Christian, her self- discovery and strength, her career and downfalls, and successes. Oh, and of course Elena will be here, as freaking always. Get ready for a whole lot of drama and feels!**

 **xoxoIvoryxoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'll answer reviews before every chapter.**

 ** _Grammar Guests(1,2 & 3):_ Sorry about my grammar, sentence structure and everything else that bothered you. I'm still a beginner and will work harder to improve, either way I appreciate the feedback and will try harder. I don't have a Beta even though I'm trying to find one but will keep going by myself in the meantime. I tried to fix all the mistakes pointed out. Sorry if I write like i'm trying too hard, i'm just trying to push myself.**

 ** _Other guests (1 & 2):_ thank you for the feedback.**

 ** _cwalk74:_ I really want Ana to branch out, she's a nice person doesn't make sense that she basically only has one friend. Get ready for a well rounded Ana!**

 ** _Kelly Wilson Washumick: I pm'd you._**

 ** _fundays, missmoo72,_** _ **carla. rbaptista** **,**_ ** _T_ am _myken, pinkrangergo, motherbeatrice:_ Thank you, thank you, a million thank you's and gracias!**

 **Thanks for reviewing.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Dear Christian Grey**

I sit staring at the email. I feel my heart falter, then spike to the point where I can hear it pounding in my ears and feel it hammering against my chest.

 _Not here, please, not at work_.

My pleas are redundant as I feel it; my eyes tearing up, my hands pointlessly trying to wipe the threat away. _How can I control it? It's his name right there._

 _Christian Grey._

My nose flares in rising anger at him and myself. I can't believe it- just a few moments ago I was scanning a document, reflecting on how many good things happened today. Which, however, having turned out to be a resounding one, helped me in not feeling like a complete piece of trash today. There it stood, a tiny flickering spark of hope that I could move on from _this person._

However, now, as I sit staring at this unread email, tears mounting like a dam ready to burst, I wonder if it's a possibility. When he isn't even here but his mere name can affect my entire body.

 _Breathe._ My subconscious instructs me. _There's a simple_ _solution, just don't open it._ A roar in my head resonates voicing everyone's agreement with what my subconscious suggests.

Impulsive thoughts flit across my mind, wondering what he could possibly want to say to me.

 _Don't open it._

 _Don't open it._

 _Don't-_

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** Tomorrow

 **Date:** June 8, 2011 14:25

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Anastasia

Forgive the intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers?

I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you- should you wish.

Let me know.

Christian Grey.

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I scan it over, and over again trying in vain to find a hint that he misses me, a hidden message- but nothing. He's only being polite, sticking to his word in providing me a ride to José's show. My eyes ache from staring at the words for so long and the tears stream freely now. I have no idea how I manage to get to the bathroom, but as I dab wads of toilet paper against my cheeks i'm thankful for the escape.

José's show, I'd forgotten all about it.

 _How am I going to get there? Why hasn't José phoned? Why hasn't anyone phoned? Right... the freaking Blackberry, I completely forgot that everything is still diverted to it. Has he been getting my calls?_ I wonder dumping the toilet paper in the waste basket then returning to my position by the sink. _No, he most probably threw it away._

My fingers drum against the granite counter, on which I lean on. I scoff then cross my arms over my chest, as I realize I never gave _him_ my email address. His stalker tendencies really have no bounds. _How did he get my email?_ Thinking about it now, this is the most normal thing he's done so far considering he has my shoe and clothes size.

 _Is it weird to miss his stalker ways? His emails?_

 _Him._

My heart staggers and clenches and I feel the void I've grown all too familiar with expand. Dazedly, my right hand comes to rest on my heart and massages the internal pain.

The voices are no help whispering at me in complete varying opinions. My subconscious shakes her head and my inner goddess opens only an eye to show her mild interest, they're both still mad at him. My conscience is quiet and I have no clue as to why. _Could I bear to see him again? Someone who enjoyed inflicting pain on me… no, no, no I agree with them, not yet. I'm not ready to face everything that's happened. I need more time._

Taking a deep breath I give myself a hard look in the mirror. Dry tears and bits of tissue greet me. Jeez... I'm pale and skinny, skinnier than before.

I scoff and my reflection mirrors me a cruel smile on her face. _I'm becoming a ghost; is this what love does to someone? I love him, but no he can't love me… simple. He made that very clear, so no questions about your course of action._ I tell myself this even as the thought of rejecting _him_ almost causes my resolve to crumble.

On my way back, I check to find that my phones still switched to divert. Jack's in a meeting, so I decide to phone José, before emailing _him_ back. He answers on the second ring.

"Hey José. It's Ana."

"Hello stranger." His tone is warm and welcoming. I immediately feel a sense of familiarity and the corners of my lips twitch upwards. "I can't talk long, but I encountered a problem with going to your show."

"Oh, you still want to come?" I can practically picture his broad grin. "What's the problem?"

I sigh sinking into my chair. "I don't have a ride, Wanda's officially gone- _don't_ ask it's a really long story."

"Adiós Wanda, and good riddance." I frown at his words but still cherish this, a nice normal conversation. "So you need a ride um, gimme a minute I won't take long." I keep the phone pressed to my ear and hear muffled voices. I spin in my rotary chair glancing to Jack's office the door remains closed, then José's back.

"Ana? I know this isn't perfect but, I have this friend who could totally drive you. He moved here a while ago from Switzerland, a total genius, kind of nerdy- totally your style."

" _Hey!_ "

"You know what I mean. His name is Adam Bereado- we call him Adam B."

I hesitate- he wants me to ride with a complete stranger. "Uh, I don't kno-"

"Please Ana," He pleads. "I really want you to come and I swear on my life he's trustworthy- a saint even."

I begin to roll my eyes at José's attempts to convince me. Then suddenly and altogether several things happen. Images of _him_ surround me- his lips instructing me not to roll my eyes, his hands slowly lowering on my body, a hard spank. In the next second the sudden sound of scraping chairs reach my ears. I straighten too abruptly at the sound and my chair staggers backwards, the phone slips from my hand and I disregard it as I grip the edge of my desk to regain my balance. I don't wait to catch my breath, but swoop to grab the phone underneath the desk.

"Ana? Hello?"

Then right there with my head underneath my table, I don't have time to contemplate my next words and so without thinking I say. "Okay why not," Then pause to gulp a lungful of air. "Text me the details later."

"Really?! Okay, see you tomorrow!"

"Thanks, I can't wait." I hang up and pull myself up so quickly my head spins. Jack's door opens and I try to act casual and smile brightly. The two men breeze right past me and I release the biggest breath when they're out of hearing range. Fanning myself with one hand I remark at my ease of getting winded.

"This is way too much exercise for me." I murmur adjusting in my seat and easily enough, get back into the head space of writing an email to the man I love. How to begin? _Do I write his name or Mr Grey? I don't want to be too light or too rejecting, would he even care?_

I put my elbows on the desk burying my head in my hands and shaking my head. _Why is this so complicated?_ I start and delete so many emails, I can't possibly write that I miss him, and want nothing but to wrap myself in his arms and forget this whole ordeal.

Fuck it, I type an email as simple and forthcoming as I can be.

 **From:** Anastasia Steele

 **Subject:** Tomorrow

 **Date:** June 8, 14: 50

 **To:** Christian Grey

Hello Christian

Thank you for the flowers, they were lovely.

I'm glad you liked the glider I hoped you might. Work is interesting and going well. Thank you for the offer but I've already secured a ride for tomorrow. Thank you for your concern.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP

* * *

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** Tomorrow

 **Date:** June 8, 15: 03

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

I could still attend, that is if I'm still invited.

Christian Grey.

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc

* * *

 **From:** Anastasia Steele

 **Subject:** Tomorrow

 **Date:** June 8, 15: 10

 **To:** Christian Grey

I know you were just attending on my behalf. I'm sure you're very busy anyhow, there's no need.

Thanks again.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP

* * *

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** Tomorrow

 **Date:** June 8, 15: 37

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

Of course, Anastasia. I hope you enjoy yourself.

Have a great day.

Christian Grey.

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

The last email took him twenty minutes to send. It makes me wonder what he was doing in that time. I flit past thoughts of _him_ working, eating, taking an important phone call and tell myself it's probably something I don't want to know. I exit the tab finding myself unable to respond. The head spinning doesn't stop the rest of the work day. By the time I leave I've gone to the bathroom a minimum of six times, the overwhelming feeling to cry unrelenting. I leave teary and red eyed saying only a quiet goodbye to Claire and Jack.

When I get home I free fall collapse into bed. Letting my hands and legs hang over the edge of the bed, I consider sleeping like this- I felt exhausted in every sense of the word. _Is this it? The great and spontaneous love that I've read about in all my books for years, because it fucking sucks._

I'm transported back to the work, when I thought of his body on mine. When I open my eyes again my phone's in my hand, my finger hovering above Christians' name- which I couldn't bring myself to delete. My hand vibrates abruptly and I'm snapped out of my trance. I'm so shocked with myself that I yelp as I throw the buzzing phone across my room into a pile of laundry. I bury my face in my pillow fighting the urge to scream and take what feels like hours to clear my head.

 _You rejected him twice. You don't get to complain and be weak._ I leave that on repeat as I slowly get up and go to dig the phone out of my bra cup. It's a text message.

 **From: José R, 19:21**

 ** _Hey Ana Bear_**

 ** _My friends' name is Adam Bereado. Kate told me you started your job at SIP (Congrats!), he'll pick you up around 17:40 at your work address. He drives a nice blue pickup it's a long drive, so play nice._**

 ** _See you tomorrow ;)_**

The message brings forth realization. I honestly agreed to drive _hours_ with a complete stranger just to avoid one person. I change into my pajamas and climb in to bed pulling the covers up to my neck, the beige ceiling stares back at me. Whoever this person is José trusts him and he's not one to hang out with the wrong crowd, so I shouldn't be worried. I turn to my side deciding it's for the best, trying unsuccessfully to push away thoughts of the men in in my life.

The man I don't know, the man I wish I didn't know and the man I wish I knew earlier- before BDSM, before Mrs Robinson, before the pain- the tears come before I can stop them.

* * *

On Thursday I get up half an hour later than I usually do because I spend it staring at the wilting rose on my bedside table.

The day goes fast, _too_ fast and I know it's because I'm nervous to meet José's friend. Throughout the day I reassure myself I have time to prepare to meet Adam B. I think of conversation topics and write them down only to glance at the clock and see an hour's passed.

Jack is especially attentive today, making unnecessary idle remarks and conversation with me all day. I wouldn't even have considered it strange if Jack had given me actual work today instead of just taking his calls. I was basically entertaining him my whole work day. At first I suspected it was the dress I was wearing but he can't see it underneath the light grey, button up coat, but the heels probably give it away. I write it off its my first week he's just going easy on me- I let that thought sit there.

When it's just after 17:30 I collect my jacket and purse and try to reign in my nerves. In the bathroom I do last minute adjustments and unbutton the coat to reveal the dress underneath; today instead of Kate's' plum dress, which I suspect she took to Barbados I wear a sleeveless ruby red, short, lace up dress. It was a 20 year old birthday present from my mom that I've never had occasion to wear before- or denied all invitation attempts.

It hangs of my skin and I readjust one of the pins holding it in place. "Twenty me was bigger- than I am now." I say reassuringly to my reflection. _Two weeks ago you was bigger than this._ The vixen comments and my pale skin and thin features look all the more haunting,

I clumsily apply mascara and pinch my cheek, wishing I knew how to use makeup. I sigh irritated and look away, down at the floor where my image won't hurt me. Pretty grey high heels that painfully remind me of _his_ eyes. I shake my head, throw a sympathetic smile at my reflection and leave the bathroom.

Claire smiles at me and waves as I head out, and Jack is there talking to another one of my co-workers Elizabeth. He smiles at me and I desperately wish I hadn't caught his eye but he hurries over to the door and rests his hand on the handle. He stands nonchalant acting as if he isn't blocking my exit.

"Date tonight?" He asks skimming me over and taking in the dress. My skin crawls.

"No, just a friend's show." I give him a meaningful look which I hope conveys my discomfort but his smile only grows _. Thank you very much Jackass! That's all the time we have for you today._

"Well, I hope you enjoy yourself."

"Thank you." I see his hand moving and slip through the slowly opening door. "Bye Jack." I call haphazardly behind me basically sprinting down the stairs. I really need to figure out what that guy's deal is. I think resisting the urge to turn around and see if he's still watching me.

Outside a little ways down on the curb rests a shiny blue pickup, a Ford, I think. Leaning against the passengers side is who I can only assume to be, "Adam Bereado but prefers Adam B?" I approach, the man looks up from his phone and with it still in hand points a finger at me.

"Anastasia but prefers Ana Bear." I chuckle dryly, forcefully and know he truly does hang out with José now, "Oh God I hope that's the only bad thing José's told you about me. A nickname is about the only dirty secret I can part with." He pockets his phone and sticks his hand out to me.

I remember Ray always used to tell me that a persons way of greeting and the way you feel during the greeting determines your whole relationship. He told me this when I made a new friend, had a date, a job interview. I remember Chris- _His_ greeting I fell in his office and he helped me up, his hand was sturdy, soft and rough at the same time and sent electricity through my entire body... Guess he didn't feel it. Kate's hands are always soft and reassuring, however, they click when she moves them in a certain way and she cracks them consistently because she spends hours typing. Chloe's hands were wet and clammy when I met her, but hard like soil and dainty.

Adam unaware of my internal thoughts shakes my hand then opens the door for me. I smile gratefully in thanks and because his hands are warm and it creates an immediate sense of friendship. I note Adam's dressed up as well, and know that I'm not overdressed.

"Don't worry he just told me a few of your dirty secrets." He closes my door once I'm buckled in and rounds to his side unaware of my racing thoughts of what José could've told him. My eyes shoot to his face in disbelief but Adam has a teasing smirk playing on his lips. Once he's buckled in my heart rate has slowed, "Don't worry all I know is José thinks you're a saint." He turns the key and we're off.

"Likewise." _Oh J, feeding us the same line._

"The show starts around eight and continues till midnight. José wanted you there early to give you the artist's tour but unless I break every speeding law in the book we'll be there around eight thirty-" He glances down at his watch. "Uh, nine to the latest."

"It's alright I don't mind being with the lesser folk." He chuckles and I feel several imaginary pats on my back in congratulations for acting normal thus far.

After about an hour in the car I feel myself relaxing. Adam's personality resonates good, and all the accompanying synonyms that come with it. He's extremely friendly to the point of utter trustworthiness and not to mention good looking. He has tidy somewhat jelled dark brown hair with greenish almost blue eyes and a lean, strapping body. Exactly what you picture when someone says cute sci-fi nerd. Though I couldn't help but compare him to _that person_ who was still the icing on the cake, and the cherry on top of the ice cream despite all.

"So José told me you moved here from Switzerland," He nods in tune with my words. "I don't hear an accent."

"I'm not Swiss just studied there for a long time. I was actually born in Queen Anne." He looks at me expectantly, and I find myself raking my brain for my basic knowledge of that part of Seattle. "Home of the Space Needle and extravagant mansions of the 19th century- very impressive."

"You got that right- wish I enjoyed it for more than fifteen years."

"What happened?"

"I graduated high school and got an opportunity I couldn't refuse." My eyebrows rise past my bangs. Well- that's definitely not what I expected to hear.

With prompt Adam then goes on to tell me his life story- even though he talks about everything but himself. He describes the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology where he studied for 5 years, going into detail about architecture and nature. He details all about the wonderful people he met when he transferred to Caltech. Then only when he tells me he moved here for work does he actually mention anything about himself. Honestly, he sounded like a young, technological genius and resolute in his modesty about it.

"I mean Switzerland was beautiful, the mountains and the architecture was breathtaking. The city came alive so beautifully with its light and nature in a way that America hasn't conquered." I nod staring at his face as they change with memories. "I definitely see myself there when I settle down, but there was too much opportunity everywhere to ignore you know?"

He continues and I listen. "And it got even worse when I finished studying. I felt like I was getting pulled in so many directions. Offers coming from as far as a specialized research facility in freaking Antarctica." He laughs like the idea is the most ludicrous thing he's ever heard. "To as close as Canada-" He stops mid sentence. "I feel like i'm talking your ear off,"

"No, no," I say quickly. "Don't stop I'm interested. You've lived such a full life and you're the same age as me? That's amazing." I breathe his adventures captivating me. I don't have to fake interest, because his life was genuinely exciting and experienced. He studied at only top institutions, and worked with so many great's of our time it was easy to get lost in his story- almost forgetting all my problems.

"No I'm told I talk too much when its not necessary, then say nothing at all when I should."

"Your listening skills must be terrible."

He snorts. "Well let's just say while my sisters went partying, I sat and braided my mom's hair while she complained about my dad." I laugh and am surprised at how real it sounds to my own ear. "That's a story for another day."

He then proceeds to prod until I finally start speaking. He seems attentive as I murmur about books, my education and my job at SIP. The whole time I wish I could muster my usual excitement for my love of books. Talking about myself only made me think how boring I must sound. How boring I am. No wonder he doesn't love m-

"Ana... you okay?" Adam's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "Huh? Yeah? Sorry, I zoned out." He frowns momentarily. "Ana I've known you for almost three hours now- I know you better than you know yourself."

"Shut up." I chuckle letting him lighten the mood.

"Out with it," He says sitting up straighter. "Is it a guy? Or gal?"

"Gal?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Lady, young woman, damsel, lassie, mademoiselle, dudette- wait is dudette a word?" I look at him bewildered, and even though I'm sure he's asking himself more than me I answer. "No its not, and its nothing to do with a woman."

He glances at me before turning back to the road. "Firstly, if dude is a word so is dudette."

"Who here studied English Lit."

He rolls his eyes smiling and I do the same. "Whatever fine agree to disagree. Tell me about this guy." I feel my face drop and hadn't realized the ease I was feeling until my whole body stiffens. _Why is everyone I meet reading me so easily? My neighbour Chloe, now this guy, are all girls this way after a break up._ I think of Kate and those PJs she always wears after a breakup and realize how our symptoms are similar. None the less mine seem to be on a completely different level to what her, teen magazines and soap operas have shown me. Once again only things I've read and felt through those characters can compare to what I'm experiencing.

"Come on, Ana." He pauses, "Every female lead needs a few supporting characters at her side." I duck my head my eyes filling with tears. _Ugh, why couldn't I like guys like this?_

The thing was I wanted to tell Adam. I'm tired and worn out, and want someone to listen to me without judgement. Plus, I'd been opening up strangers all week anyway.

"Was it that bad?"

Opting, name, kinkery- fuckery and sex in general I try to think of a proper way to phrase mine and Christian's relationship. "If you consider a mutual agreement to separate because one is a non- committing, arrogant, unloving, egomania-" I sigh and take a deep breath, then again until I'm slightly panting with frustration- or hyperventilating.

Do I hold anger for Christian too? This is the first time I've spoken of Christian directly aloud and I sounded spiteful and hurt. I know I'm sad because of what happened and anger and sadness co- exist when breaking up- if you can call it a breakup. Still, I shouldn't say things about Christian to others. I signed an NDA, then again I haven't said anything regarding the BDSM. Maybe all I wanted was someone to call him an asshole and tell me I'm an angel for putting up with him. Someone to tell me I deserve better and to forget him. Even as the thoughts cross my mind I know those words would only make me feel worse. He wasn't an asshole- he just had issues that made it incapable of us being together and so did I.

 _And he hurt you._ They tell me. He did I agree with them for the second time in two days. Maybe my cartoon characters are looking out for me after all.

"We just wanted different things." I trial off with a sigh.

"That good, huh?" He smirks but I see the sympathy in his eyes. The same sympathy I've seen in Chloe's eyes. The exact sympathy I've been avoiding so I make the corners of my lips lift slightly, and huff a laugh. "Yeah it was great."

I thought I'd feel better talking to somebody about _him_ but instead I feel sick. My mouth feels bitter like I just ate something sour. _Is it the effect of his name bouncing around in my head or the fact that I've talked about him at all?_

Maybe I should call Kate and tell her everything. Its still going to be a while until she comes back and I could use my best friend. I feel the car lurch to a stop and look up dazedly from the dashboard where I was concentrating hard on not crying.

Suddenly, Adam's out of his seat and before I know it he's opening my door. "Come on."

"Where are we?" I ask searching my surroundings Adam had stopped in front of a _burger_ joint…? Yep, he's going to take me behind it and kill me I decide, and momentarily consider the option. "Welcome to Little Big Burger." He says casually, confused and curious I take his offered hand, "The show…"

"We're on schedule José won't mind if we take a quick detour."

"Is this how you you get dates." I try to joke and ignore what Adam bringing me here means. "Kidnapping them."

Adam's face for the first time that night is stoic. "Right now, you need food." I follow silently as he leads us through the red rimmed door, a tiny bell indicating our arrival and we sit at the first empty, red painted chairs he sees opposite to each other. The restaurant is modern, the walls painted in grey and white. Where we sit theirs an abstract painting with green, yellow and grey. At first glance it looked like white squares and yellow lines then it shifts and you could see the effect of time travel. I didn't dwell it long instead averting my eyes to the beige table where we sat and listening to the other attendants.

"What are we doing here?"

"We've been driving for hours and I don't know about you but I'm hungry." His green eyes pierce my blue and I see the underlying message. "Its on me." I don't answer because the waitress comes- a friendly blonde with a preppy cheerleader voice- I don't order and Adam orders us both cokes and cheese burgers with fries.

The waitress turns to leave. "I'm allergic to cheese." I blurt.

Adam raises an eyebrow at me his expression doubting, when the unhelpful waitress offers helpfully. "Barbecue burger than?"

"Sure." I say unable to think of anything else to say. "No onions please."

"Yes miss." When she leaves I glare at the man across from me. "I'm not your responsibility."

"Ana its just dinner." I scowl at him. He hasn't said it outright, why we're here. I know it and he knows it, but he won't say it. I want to be angry but he's just worried about my health, and I settle on being extremely irritated. It's frustrating how Adam and Chloe have read me so easily, and I'm almost mad at myself for not making more of an effort. More of an effort to look happy, or at least normal. I feel like I've wasted time and effort- the effort it took to get up every morning, put on a face and face the world. It's exhausting and now I simultaneously want to try harder and stop trying all together. Someone, one of the characters laughs and I scowl.

When the food arrives I sneak a peek at Adam after staring at the meal for a long time he's chomping away at his burger, coke half empty. It smells wonderful, but I have no appetite and take a tentative sip of my coke and before I know it it's gone. It makes the spinning in my head stop, and my chest feel less constricted which leads me to the burger I take one bite it's good but, I hardly taste it. _I wonder what he's doing right now. Working? Eatin-_

"We're not leaving until you finish." I scrutinize Adam's serious expression. He leans nonchalant against the booth, hands clasped behind his neck eyes closed. I must have been out of it for a while. _This asshole. I want to say. Smart, kind asshole._ I continue eating faster now, not wanting to be even more late to Jose's show and because… I'm hungry. I'm starving. As I'm finishing he excuses himself and comes back with the bill paid.

Back in the car 3 minutes away from the gallery I finally gather the courage to say something. "Thank you." Christi- He-who-shall-not-be-named has put me through hell. No, that's wrong I've been putting myself through hell these past few days. No. It's him. I shake my head confused it didn't matter I wasn't healthy and I'd been ignoring it.

Adam nods, "What I'd do? Just a meal between a dude and a dudette." I smile and suddenly I'm laughing and so is he. I wonder if he know how much this all means to me. We pull up to the building and he again walks over to my side and opens my door, he offers his elbow playfully and I lock my arm with it. I'm going to make a bigger effort, Adam makes me want too- a stranger makes me want to try.

"Nice dress, by the way."

"Thanks. Lovely suit." It really was. A classic black suit, with a white undershirt and black tie.

"Aah, this old thing, it's my dad's old monkey suit. You wouldn't know this by looking at me but, I'm more of a jeans and shirt guy." He leads me into the building converted warehouse- brick walls, dark wood floors, white ceilings, and visible white pipe work.

"You? I never would have guessed." He laughs. The buildings airy and modern, and there are tens of people wandering across the gallery floor sipping wine and admiring José's work. The moment completely fills me with joy and adds to the already good evening. The pride is overwhelming in knowing José's realized his dream.

A young women dressed in black with short brown hair, bright red lipstick,large hooped earrings greets us. She glances at me, longer at Adam then back to me. "Oh you're Ana. We'll want your take on all this as well." She hands us both a brochure and directs us to a table of drinks and snacks, I almost retch at the sight I'm so full.

"Do you know her?" Adam asks once she's gone. I shake my head equally confused.

Adam shrugs indifferently the makes a face at the table. "You hungry?"

"Hell no." He laughs patting his stomach with the brochure still in hand. "Me neither."

"Ana! Adam!" I turn to see José barreling through a throng of people towards us, the sight of him brings so many familiar memories that I almost cry for the upteenth time that night. He seems like a completely different person from a section of my life that I have to rediscover. José's wearing a suit and looking every bit the professional photographer, he enfolds me in a hug and then him and Adam do a handshake I don't understand.

He then holds me by the shoulder and does the same with Adam, even though he's significantly taller then him. "I'm glad you guys made it I was getting worried."

"It's nine thirty, and I'm pretty sure I got a speeding ticket so you're welcome."

José scoffs at him. "Thanks for bringing her AB." He then looks at me purposely. "You look... different." He says eyeing me and I know what he's going to say. "Dios mio, have you lost weight? You look like-"

I blink back tears and then see a slight movement between the two. José steps back slightly and glares at Adam like he jabbed him but then he smiles and seems to quickly decide to change his approach. "I meant you look great."

"Don't worry I'm fine." I smile my voice wavering as I see the worry still etched in his eyes. "I'm just so proud of you!"

"Thank you! I couldn't have done it without you."

I frown. "Of course you could. What do I have to do with this?"

"My assistant, driving me places and..." He suddenly looks extremely guilty. "You'll find out." Adam and I both exchange a confused look but José doesn't get the chance to elaborate. He's pulled away by a woman saying that such and such wanted to meet him.

The rest of the night goes smoothly. I get Adam and José to come make a toast with me to success and future prospects it's subconsciously for all of us even if I only say a toast to José aloud. Mentally I toast for José's ongoing success, for Adam's work opportunities and for me and my fucked up life hopefully getting better. I down two more glasses of white wine without explanation before declaring the toast effective. Adams' amusement is evident and he downs two with me.

Then I spend my time analyzing every single picture I can their stunning, beautiful, some sad and painful. José's pictures are both monochrome and color some blown up into canvases and huge. They pull you into the scene and like Adam describes his life I'm sucked into the image and feel what José's felt when he took these pictures. It's stunning and I want to go find José and jump up and down with him because of his success.

I'm almost sure I see Chris- _his_ reflection in some of the portraits' glass, but don't turn around because I'm sure I'll be disappointed. I almost laugh at how pitiable I am, but still I let my mind drift. How different this night would have gone with him. _What would have happened would we have just argued or actually sorted something out?_ I ignore the feeling of my gut wrenching when I turn to Adam and use him to distract me. He's only mildly successful because of my inability to shake grey eyes from my mind.

Eventually something happens that distracts me completely. I finally find the reason why people have been gawking and whispering about me- some outright congratulating me.

I turn the corner and there hangs _me_.

Candid, close- up and in black and white _._ It's a picture- I look to its left and find another, then turn and find another. One of me smiling, two scowling, three pouting, four, five, six and seven.

I stare enthralled. Adam joins my side after a few minutes. I don't- can't look at him utterly shocked but he whistles lowly and eventually I turn to him my face surely red and he slides his hands into his pocket. "I was not expecting this."

"Yeah," I breathe and suddenly I'm smiling. "Me neither."

* * *

 **I never expected such great feedback, almost to 100 followers after just one chapter. I can't thank you all enough.** **I'll work really hard for you guys and try to improve my grammar and sentence structure.**

 ** _Everyone please note the difference between_ conscious _and conscience, I didn't make a spelling mistake for anyone who's confused. These are different things conscience is to do with being aware of right and wrong like in cartoons when people have the angel and devil on their shoulders. _Conscious _is the you being aware of and responding to your surroundings._**

 **I will be updating every week or every two weeks.**

 **Review- I appreciate all constructive criticism, we all have room for improvement.**

 **Thanks again.**

 **xoxoIvoryxoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

_**fundays:**_ **T** **hank you for the support**

 _ **Dseiladmnd:**_ **I know right, I'm excited even though it might be a few more chapters before they reunite.**

 **velosewer:**

 **my-completeness: Aaaaaw! Thank you so much that's so nice and sweet. I'm getting blushy please ignore me and my giddiness.**

 ** _pepe71:_ Sorry you had to wait so long, thank you for the review and support.**

 _ **motherbeatrice:**_ **Thank you so much, you have no idea how much better you just made me feel. I'll keep trying in the grammar department, but I'm really grateful that you're just enjoying the** **story. Wish I could tell you if it is a AC, but Adam is just a friend ;) and I am a die hard fan for AC as well.**

 _ **Kelly Wilson Washumick: Try to remember this one as the one where Ana is a BADASS IN THE MAKING.**_

 _ **Chele227:**_ **Let's just say Ana's stalker tendency tingles(#ASTT) have never been wrong.**

 _ **snoopylover60:**_ **Are you sure he isn't there?** **Ana's stalker tendency tingle have never been wrong** **#ASTT. Thanks for the review.**

 _ **Tammyken:**_ **I'll try to keep it that way.**

 ** _Guest:_ Yes, Yes, Yes!**

 ** _Guest:_ Glad you're liking it.**

 ** _Guest:_ I wish you had an account so I could properly thank you and make sure you have updates on the story. Thank you very much for the review, and I will continue to work on my grammar.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three: The Strange Case of Mr Hyde and Dr Jekyll**

"José, seriously it's fine." I say into the phone for what must be the 7th time, cradling it between my neck and shoulder blade while counterbalancing my handbag with Jack's lunch, a tea and coffee. "The portraits were amazing and yeah, Adam was great- a saint even." I say entering SIP and making my way to my desk.

"Yes, you told me so." I repeat resisting an eye roll. "It's just that I'm a little uncomfortable that some random person bought all the pictures of me- You have no idea who it was? Never mind, just let me know if you find out anything. We'll talk soon I need to get back to work."

I drop my bag and set my tea down. "Yes J. Bye." I pocket the phone before going to knock on Jack's office when there's a murmur of enter I come in placing Jack's lunch order and coffee down. He's on the phone and pauses when he sees me. "Thanks honey." He winks.

I nod retreating. _Honey?_ The vixen's mad and I look at her quizzically as I take my seat. _I'll freaking shove some bees up his ass if he wants some honey._

Jack to me is a curiosity, I resolve ignoring her. Sometimes I think what he says to me is inappropriate, then other times I think it's completely fine despite my discomfort. I try to imagine anyone else in his position- as my boss. I imagine Claire, the receptionist; she'd talk nonstop about her problems, her impossibly large family, and whatever else happened to pop in her head. If she called me "honey" I'd laugh and see it as an endearment. I replace her image with a man, any man… Adam.

I think of the night before. Adam had let me drive us home on my query. I needed the distraction and he didn't even hesitate when I asked, simply shrugging and handing me his keys with a casual; "Careful with my baby."

On the drive home he sang along to every song on the radio and never prodded me to join. He winked at me saucily at parts and poked me for others, but it was entertaining, and I never felt uncomfortable. I only felt guilty because all the while I tuned him out, I had too. I couldn't listen to the music to the sound and words, so I'd watch his lips and body as he jumped around in his seat.

My smile was verging on genuine and while Adam made things easy, the exhaustion of the day still dominated. My mind whirled with thoughts and emotions I found myself re- evaluating my expressions, responses and reactions.

 _I had to try harder._

I arrived home around three am and ended up falling asleep around six.

I know Adam would be just like Jack. He'd want to know about me, and be talkative but, he'd also strive to ensure my comfort. I tried to imagine feeling with Adam what I have been with Jack. The discomfort, doubt and trepidation- but there was just something about Jack that was completely and utterly disconcerting.

I sip my tea eyeing my boss's door suspiciously.

It's a complete curiosity.

 _What is it about Jack Hyde?_ Claire's words spring to mind- _'It's like this feeling of impending doom, you know?'_

I swivel in my chair decidedly picking up one of the manuscripts Jack gave me to read through, but this nagging feeling only served to remind me that I still needed to investigate that address and name currently burning a hole at the bottom of my bag. It's Friday and the rest of the afternoon drags. At around 18:00 I'm finally pulling my bag on to my shoulder when Jack saunters over to me.

"Drinks Ana?" His eyes gleam. "We usually go for a quick one at the bar across the street." I nod attentively, almost forgetting my mission I have a taxi waiting outside. "Thank you but, maybe another day, I have plans."

He scowls and his whole demeanor shifts. "Date again?" I blink at him confused by his sudden change, by the absolute fear that creeps up my neck.

"N- No..."

He brightens immediately then lifts his hand and squeezes my shoulder. I hear sirens in my head and the riot that ensues from my characters is astounding. "Well, no problem maybe next time. Enjoy your weekend."

I nod with what I hope portrays casualty, then hastily move towards the exit, Claire gives me an encouraging nod on the way out.

* * *

The building is large, red bricked and spans wide with multiple attachments and windows like a boarding school. It's surrounded by crafted, stone walls and next to the double gate entrance hangs a sign that reads; Olkhold Retirement Center. I double check the address before exiting the taxi. After being buzzed in, I'm greeted by a cozy environment and a short walk to reception. Its occupant is an aloof, middle aged woman flipping through a _People's Magazine._

"Welcome to Olkhold Retirement Center. My name's Lucille I'm the receptionist." She doesn't look up her face placid and her routine voice is laced with a false cheeriness that airplane attendants have perfected. "How may I help you this _fine_ evening?"

I almost laugh my mind unexpectedly rousing with an old, familiar tune- _Lucille_ \- one of Ray's favorite songs. She, the real one, looks up at me expectantly mid- page turn and brow raised.

"Is there a-" The pad paper crinkles in my hand. "A Sarah Wilson I could talk to?"

"Uh..." She trails off her eyes alight with an article about Prince William and Catherine Middleton's honeymoon. After a few moments of what I can only assume is Lucille imagining herself on that beach with either William or Catherine she puts down her magazine with a wistful sigh. Then clears aside some papers and wrappers from her desk. I spy an intercom, a speaker overhead booms making me jump slightly. "Sarah Wilson please report to the front, Sarah Wilson."

I nod gratefully clearing the songs hum sneaking up my throat with a cough, my mind wandering; to Ray's pickup truck, to his songs playing on tape while he'd drive me to school. Ray showing me how to use his record player and his deep, shy voice singing the very song; _'"You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille. With four hungry children and a crop in the field…"'_

I wonder in hindsight if that song was for my mother and not for you Lucille.

I don't have enough time to go down that path, because a golden blonde woman intercepts mine.

The record for Lucille screeches to a very abrupt stop, and I hope the feeling of my jaw dropping is purely mental.

I watch as this woman enters Ray's living room dancing across the floor to his records. She flips through them picking a record that surely can't be from my dads collection. She sets it up with practiced ease and after a pause the tune for _My Milkshake_ , sounds in my head. It's as if I walked in to GEH all over again but instead of a beautiful, tailored outfit she wears a standard nurse's one. Her beauty is stunning, _shinning_ and immediately reminds me of Kate- same green eyes and curvy bodies that make men tongue-tied.

The words boom in my head all my characters nodding in agreement with each word. Her milkshake does bring all the boys to the yard, and damn right it is better than mine. I just wish she'd stop walking in slow _fucking_ motion. After what seems an eternity of eternal screaming for the music to stop the woman stops in front of me smiling with perfect, white teeth.

"Hey darlin'." Her thick Texan accent flabbergasts and _yes_ I mean flabbergasts me, and I almost stumble backwards from the triple combo she's laying down. _Jeez,_ my inner goddess murmurs pulling her bed sheets over her head. _I honestly don't need this right now._

"How can I help ya? Lookin' for a relative?" My already deteriorating self-esteem staggers. _Oh God, I'm freaking tongue- tied._

"Hi Sarah." _Focus on the beauty spot on her cheek, Steele._ "I was wondering if I could speak to you about Jack Hyde." Ridiculously I whisper the last part.

Her eyes darken and instantly my nerves are gone, replaced with dark tingles shooting down my spine. "Wha' was that?" Her smile widens forcefully, the glare properly chastening me like the Gretchen Wiener to her superior Regina George.

"I- I work for him." I pocket the paper. "I just want some answers."

"About?" Her glare shifts from me to Lucille behind me, who seems to be listening attentively now. "Thanks for the call, Lucille." She turns on her heel stalking in the opposite direction from where she came. "I'll handle it from here." I look after her skeptically before my legs finally move to follow. _That wasn't exactly a come forth Ana look._

Her long, curly locks bob in an untidy bun as she storms around corners until we enter what seems to be an activities room. The type in movies where elderly people would sit around play board games, watch cable TV and complain about their grandchildren. In this movie the room's empty except two old men arguing while packing up a checkers board.

"Evenin' Connor, Bill." She says as we pass to the opposite side of the room. "Hit the lights on your way out will ya'?" They wave dismissively at her picking up the board and continuing their argument whilst exiting the room.

The lights go out shrouding us in near darkness. The only light seeping in is from the shutters that surround almost a third of the room. The far side wall that we walk towards has attached benches with seat cushions and giant pillows. I manage to spy a large patio and garden before turning to Sarah. She sits, I sit and I feel her hostility cripple; she nibbles on her thumbnail looking almost as agitated as I feel.

"Claire sent you." A humming tune is still playing softly at the back of my head- it won't go away no matter how much I will it too.

"I mean obviously it's always her, but never her. The others are all gone anyway."

 _Did she just say that the others are gone? Wait, I swear she just-_ "Um did you just- y- your… accent?"

She leans back against one of the pillows, rubbing her face with her hands. "Don't fret it's not fake just faded," She takes in my confused expression with a tired smile. "I use what I can when it's beneficial to me. Do what you can to get ahead, right?"

Her accent wasn't thick at all. _It_ was barely there, a wisp left from having lived there for a while as a child most probably. The realization unfortunately did little to diminish her beauty.

Sarah nods to herself not waiting for me to answer. "That worked for a while anyway often people get tired of pretending to be someone they aren't." She looks me over. "Like you'd have any idea about that."

 _"'I will gain a great deal of pleasure, joy, even in your submission. The more you submit, the greater my joy – it's a very simple equation.'"_ Oh, lady you have no idea. I bite my tongue, "It's a complicated world."

She shakes her head firmly. "It's a cruel world, always been this way. Whether it's woman, children or men the world has its way of bringing everyone down guess you just got to be aware of it before it can get you."

I have no response. "Claire says you can answer my questions."

"Makes sense been a while since she's sent anyone. You're the new one right?" I cringe at being called his if Sarah notices this she ignores it, "What's ya' name again?"

"Anastasia- Ana."

"Well, Miss A, what do you want to know?"

I hesitate, _we_ all do. My fear is gripping, focusing on aspects such as her physique was now a means of trying to ignore coming to terms with the truth about Jack Hyde. "I'm not really sure I want to know anything."

She sneers and for the first time I see tears brimming in her eyes. "Why'd the hell d'ya come here then. You want answers or not? Cause I don't have time for this." A force shoves me forward as she goes to stand, I grip her arm. "I'm sorry! Wait."

"Don't touch me!" She wrenches away from me immediately wrapping her arms around herself. I freeze my heart pounding frantically and I have no idea why she reacts that way... until I see it. The same panic from _his_ eyes in hers, the same fear and pain. My heart claws up my throat, and I feel the pounding in my ears and the hammering against my throat.

This is harder for her than it is for me.

"Please tell me what happened." The words barely come out, she stands there for what feels like hours. The only movement to occur is me clenching my hands tightly in my lap. Eventually, she sits and turns slowly to face me, never meeting my eye, "What's Claire told you?"

I retell, stumbling through my words, in as much detail as I can. "I had a breakdown huh?" She smiles fondly at the memory.

"I wish I was batshit crazy, all of that would've been just been an intense hallucination." The silence stretches. "The part where I used to be the receptionist is true."

"Why'd you quit?"

"I couldn't stay."

The impending doom feeling Claire and I talked about in the café is throbbing throughout my whole body. What I've been feeling since I started working at SIP- since I met Jack. Everything I've been ignoring and shoving down, everything the characters have been warning and protecting me from. As if on cue they all bundle up and sit on the edge of my inner goddesses' bed waiting in baited silence.

"You're all the same, ya know? Young, attractive, preppy. All eager to impress the handsome man in charge. Its simple you come, you get impossibly close to him then all of a sudden you withdraw, then leave."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." She snaps her finger. "None of them lasted more than 6 months. They disappeared almost completely though I saw some of them every now and then, not enough that it was weird but always at odd times when the office is almost empty."

"How long did you work there?"

"Two years, I left around a year ago."

"Wha-"

"Now Jack tried me, don't be fooled he tried me in so many ways I wish I documented and filmed it. He flirted, joked and was so clingy and inappropriate it made me sick. I handled mine though, always have, no matter what he tried I was ready- too practiced in douche- baggery. But little did I know he had others..." She pauses. "I always left after or before him, so I had no idea how long those women that came in and out stayed either. I was suspicious any rational human would be if a a person of higher power is sleazy in many ways and all his past assistants have quit."

Sarah puffs out a laugh. "It's the stupidest thing ever really, how I found out. My friends took me out for dinner the night before. Now mind you I hate seafood- the smell, taste and they all love the junk so I relent and we go out for sushi. No surprise I feel like absolute shit the next day and I still go in for work. I'll spare you the gory details- just a lot of vomit all day. I happened to be in the bathroom till late literally not managing to get up from that floor. I was dripping in sweat and my only thought was to pray to God that they don't lock the doors, or worse Jack comes to rescue me." Her eyes flash with memory.

"When I eventually crawl out I hear some noises coming from Jack's office." She stops, rubbing harshly at her eyes. I try not to move or breathe too scared to miss a word. "His door was a crack open, and it was past 10 so no security guards were in that area."

"It's hilarious really!" Her eyes start to water I immediately want to cry too. "I peeped in thinking I'd see the poor bastard jacking off to a picture of himself. But what I saw, Ana. It was vile, I don't even wan…" She collapses into herself, tears spilling, hiccuping through each word.

"She was crying, crying! I didn't know what t- to do she was begging him to stop and he was saying 'I own you- Do you want everyone to know your dirty, little secrets.' I-It just went on and on and I saw her frightened and scared and him laughing Ana! Laughing!" My body shakes with horror, her body shaking with tears only increasing my shock and fear.

"And she saw me! So I ran." In my daze I try coddling her, stroking her on the back slowly but she only cries harder.

"That poor woman looked me dead in the eye. I could see her begging me for help, I didn't even know her and I was such a coward. I d-don't know what I was thinking but I was afraid. That taunting and the things he was doing, oh Jack Hyde's a disgustin', terrible man... That cruelty. _It was rape!_ "

My hand movement falters, then stops.

There it was.

I had to hear it.

"And I helped it happen! I left her there! I left them all there! He's had to have done it again, and again. That's why Claire sends ya'll to me. It's still happening and I'm too scared to do anything even with you right in front of me, I know I'll leave you to him. And I'm so sorry."

I can't find it in me to tell her it's okay, because it's not. I can't find it in me to say anything. Sarah straightens from her hunched over position and grips me by my shoulders. Green pierce blue.

"I know it's evil and sinful what I did. I should've called the police or filmed it and handed it in or something. I was terrified. I put in my two weeks' notice the next day and never looked back, that place is corrupt. I'm ashamed I never did anything for that girl or any of them girls' after but I couldn't stay in a place like that." Her eyes hold mine they look wild and terrified. " _Not again._ "

My heart, the pounding and pain all evaporate as I see her story.

"They know in there! It's impossible that no one's caught on they all just pretend not to notice."

"Wha-?"

"I won't ask you to do what I was never capable of I'd never ask anyone that. You have to leave Ana, you have to run!"

I hold her gaze and one coherent thought makes it to my head.

 _Lucille help me!_

* * *

 **Hey, sorry for the late update. I'm still in shock with all the support and feedback and I really appreciate it.**

 **Entering final exams and I'm trying to balance fanfiction and studying.**

 **Bear with please. Thank you once again for all your lovely reviews and follows!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**fundays:**_ **Thank you for the continuous great feedback.**

 _ **Guests:**_ **Thank you so much, I think Ana should discuss this with someone that can help her both Taylor and Ray are great in this category. I'm glad you're in support of Ana focusing on solving this Jack issue.**

 _ **Gowildcats:**_ **F** **irstly, love High School Musical so much. Secondly, thank you for the feedback. Glad you like Adam B and badass Steele is in the makings.**

 _ **camilleW:**_ **Thank you sooooo much!**

 _ **meigs37:**_ **As much as I agree, Ana just won't listen to me because I for one am out of there.**

 _ **joangoldman9:**_ **your answer lies in this chapter.**

 _ **pepe7:**_ **T** **hank so much, exams are finally over! Sorry to make you wait a little for their reunion but the suspense continues.**

 _ **carlarbaptista:**_ **Brigada, espero que você continue a gosta**

 _ **velosewer:**_ **That's true Claire may have a giant clue as to what is happening at SIP and is just ignoring it. Hopefully she'll come through now when it counts the most.**

* * *

 **Chapter Four: Strong Woman Steele!**

Stephen Morton was my mother's third husband. He was seven years younger than her, a rising European tycoon and had an unrelenting passion for hunting in every single country that allowed it. His favorite prey was deer and sheep, I learnt early on that he didn't like things that were bigger than he was or that fought back. I always thought that should've been enough for my mother. A man that smiles at a camera while holding a deer's head doesn't leave a lot to be desired for. It didn't matter to her, any of it, any of his strange habits.

However, he made me feel uncomfortable. Barely a month into their marriage his _'fatherly'_ intentions towards me grew too distressing, and I bolted back to Ray.

Four months later they divorced.

Two years later, a long while after he'd returned to Europe re-married they found his body. There was blood splattered against the wall, a gun in his hand and a bullet through his skull. He'd left a letter addressed to my mother. I never asked to read it- she never offered.

We don't talk about husband number three but he springs to mind now because all I want to do is run. Take what Sarah said and take that a step further by fleeing the state. It'd be an end to both _him_ and Jack Hyde. The situation could fix itself sometime in the future- someone else could do something about this.

 _You could do it, Ana._ The vixen purrs. _This isn't your fight it shouldn't have to be. Go live with Ray and find a new job._ I sigh nodding in agreement, leaving SIP is a given, but could I leave without doing anything about Jack?

I can't run.

I couldn't possibly do that now.

Sarah left never looked back and forever regretted not doing anything for those women; _me women!_ Women before me, women that will come after me. I couldn't possibly go without taking down Jack. _How the hell would I even begin to do that?_

I feel my mind fog and eyes begin to droop the exertions from the past two days, and sleep deprivation starting to take its tool. Rolling over in bed my blurred gaze lands on my bookshelf. _Pride and Prejudice, Moby Dick, Sherlock Holmes…_

 _Sherlock Holmes!_

'I should've called the police or filmed it and handed it in or something.' My eyes snap open, "Proof." I shoot up gripping the blanket to keep some semblance of warmth.

"I need to catch him in the act!" I cheer at my own brilliance. "I need to stay working with Jack." I realize with a groan falling back against the pillow with a flop.

Camera, I need a camera and a car. _A car, shit, that stupid big cheque. Who needs a car? I can walk or run or… cycle._

 _Ha, Grey! I'll get a bicycle._

I'm taut, anxious and extremely frightened with the possibilities of the upcoming following weeks. I had a purpose- albeit dangerous and destructive- but a way to distract my mind. With adrenaline coursing through me I knew sleep wouldn't come now. Throwing the covers off I round the bed to switch on the lights, then cross the room to my desk. Crouching underneath I sort through an old school supply box before finding an unused notebook, with pen and paper, I start compiling my list.

 ** _To Do:_**

 ** _1\. Get over Mr. Christian- insert middle name- Grey._**

 ** _2\. Take down Jack Hyde, and possibly SIP altogether (depending on evidence found)._**

 ** _3\. Buy a bicycle and camera._**

 ** _4\. Get a new job!_**

 ** _5\. Get over Christian._**

 ** _6\. Start a journal._**

 ** _7\. Go jogging._**

 ** _8\. Have a mantra._**

 ** _9\. See my current friends more often._**

 ** _10\. Get over Christian!_**

 ** _11\. Talk to new possible friends._**

 ** _12\. Eat Ana._**

 ** _13\. Get rid of reminders._**

 ** _14\. Start a hobby, like sewing or knitting._**

 ** _15\. GET OVER CHRISTIAN GREY_**

I underline, highlight and put an innumerable number of exclamation points at number fifteen before I'm satisfied. A number of these is from what I've garnered from years of Kate and my mother's heartbreaks. I've sadly learned a lot and I'm honest enough to admit a few of these are to assist in possibly getting over _him._ My subconscious rolls her eyes at me, _Obviously._

I check the date on my phone before scribbling June 11th at the top of the page. Then the notebook is shut, the lights off. I go back to bed and close my eyes.

"It's time to be a strong woman, Steele."

* * *

 _As a Receiver, you are responsible for delivering world-class custo mer service by properly receiving, sorting, and returning freight. You enrich the customer's experience through your commitment to our four core servi-_

Apply for this position.

 _$25.68 - $49.96 hourly_

Apply for this position.

 _Internal stakeholder teams in order to drive successful launches._

Apply for this position, I click again. This is how I spend my Saturday. I apply to job, after job at different publishing jobs and different companies everywhere. At around 15:00 I remember Adam's warning in my head and get up to eat, there's no food in the fridge or pantry. Of course, I haven't felt the need to do shopping.

Reluctantly I settle on ordering a medium Meat Lovers pizza and move Kate's laptop- which I've been using- to the breakfast counter. I prop my elbow up on the counter and rest my chin in my hand and stare absently at the screen where I just applied for a Barnes and Noble position.

 _It's Saturday... he seems like the type to go in to work on a Saturday._

I swipe the pad to the search tab, _Christian Grey,_ I type then quickly backspace when my heart gives a painful tug. _Grey Enterprise Holdings_ I type instead. Clicking the link the website I find is paramount to its owner; clean, organized and grey.

"Welcome to Grey Enterprise Holdings a global leading place in communications technologies, eco-manufacturing and next-generation farming solutions. Here we strongly believe that people are paramount to success." I read.

"Ugh, you're both freaking perfect." I groan while scrolling through the website. A few minutes later I'm called down to the front to fetch the pizza and when the aroma hits my nostrils I'm surprised with how hungry I am. Ascending the stairs, I think back to his words from so long ago.

"'We offer a great internship.'" I snort chuckling. "As if." Imagine if I worked there now, after we just separated. The walk up proves too long and by the time I'm back in front of the laptop I'm on the fourth slice.

 _Looking to become part of something great, apply now._ I stop mid-bite and scroll down. _Applications now closed for internship._

The disappointment is devastating. The desperation to want to work just in the same building as him, to breathe the same air again. Of course we'd never see each other let alone speak. The founder of the company would be too busy to even meet his lowly interns, so I would blend in silently- "Wow, I'm actually a considering becoming a stalker." I murmur closing the laptop too hard and dropping the unfinished slice back into the box.

The void is ever present. I kneed over the counter and wrap an arm around my mid- section. It's all I can do to keep together as its cuts into me. With an irritated grunt I straighten up and turn to go back to bed, when my eye catches the cheque. _Number 3 buy a bicycle and camera._ With a last glance at my bed, I grab the envelope, my apartment keys, and phone, stuff them into my bag and waltz out the apartment.

That's when I see Chloe. I'm stunned by her presence and I think of our weird, abrupt encounter only days ago. She hasn't seen me yet, still locking the door behind her and I want to bolt but I haven't locked my door either.

I turn the key locking it into place. "Hey Ana."

I turn and smile, "Hi."

"Chloe." She encourages chuckling. "Huh? Oh no, sorry I remember."

"How are you?" I'm prepared for this. I know how to respond, seem interested and then we'll go our separate ways. We walk down the hall together and make idle chat while trekking down the stairs. I find out that little girl that opened the door for me was her sister.

"She 'ran away' from home, again." Chloe continues using her fingers to emphasis her point. "I'm pretty sure she just likes hanging out at my place, because this is her 5th time 'running away' this month."

I realize very soon that I can't treat Chloe like Claire. She doesn't take murmurs of answers or small signs of interest. She's attentive and waits and watches. Before I've realized I've lost control, she's accompanied me to cash the cheque and we're at the bicycle store.

"You shouldn't be that surprised at how much you got for it Ana. The way you're describing it, that car was vintage gold." Chloe says while frowning at a giant mountain bike.

"Yeah, I guess, just wasn't expecting so much." Chloe nods and we maneuver through bike after bike. I thought Chloe's company would be gritting and overwhelming, but she's like a balm to me currently.

"This one's really beautiful and it has a basket where you can put your groceries." I turn from the pink and purple little's girl bike I was admiring and freeze.

 _It's grey._

In fact it's a replica of his eyes when he's happy and boyish. It's… "It's perfect." I breathe, and it was. I reach for the tag, _Road lite 60cm frame, with carbon wheels._ Which made absolute no sense to me, to me it looked like a bike. A bike with a black seat and matching black wheels, handles that turned inward and an attached white, lined basket at its front.

 _Christia-_

"Ana?"

I drop the tag and turn to Chloe. "Yeah, this is definitely the one."

She smiles. "I knew it. You had this energy around you that I knew meant you loved it, your aura is so easy to read."

"Aura?" I finally ask while the customer assistant rings up the bike.

"Are you kidding? You don't believe in auras- zodiac signs?- well, what about crystals? But you must believe in at least one." I shake my head bemused as I sign for the bike delivery and Chloe dives into a rant that quickly rids me of thoughts of _him_. Though, I know they'll never be gone always at the back of my mind. Always there, as she accompanies me to buy the camera as well.

"So you took the rose?" I've drifted again, and I have no idea what she's said. By now we're making the journey back up the stairs home and its just past sunset. "What? I'm sorry Chloe." She must be tired of me.

"Its cool, I asked if you took the rose."

"Oh." I pause. " _Oh._ "

"That was what you call my mumbo jumbo working its magic." She raises her eyebrows watching my facial expression. "I didn't call it mumbo jumbo it's just no-" I begin to argue.

"I had to test you somehow." She sees my confusion. "When you came to my door that day you were a wreck- I'm sorry to say. I needed to know if you really wanted to it to be over with this guy. Did you take the rose or throw it away."

I sigh and murmur, "It's on my bedside."

She hops up to two stairs giving me grim smile. "It's okay dude, love is hard." I stop at the bottom of the last staircase and so does she. "You seem to understand a lot about this, are you experienced in the dating world?" I ask kicking the first step with my sneakers.

Her eyebrows draw together and her nose scrunches up. "I've actually been in love with the same guy for 7 years." She sighs- a huge, sorrowful sigh. "You're the third person I've ever told that too, so lips sealed if you ever meet a Tobias."

I nod starting up the stairs again, she follows close behind. "We met in college and I guess I just lost my chance."

"Why haven't you done anything about it?" She does that facial expression again. "Same reason you haven't confronted your ex. I'm so _fucking_ scared of everything that could possibly go wrong."

We walk silently after that, when we reach our doors I tuck my hands into my hoodie pockets and turn to her. "How come you came with me today? Where were you headed?"

Chloe pauses. "I don't know." She shrugs, then smiles widely. "I guess the universe wanted me to accompany you."

"Your mumbo- jumbo then."

"Results are result,""She waves me inside. "See you, Steele."

* * *

 **Once again feedback is amazing and I appreciate every single one of you. Now I know you all want Christian soon, but Ana is my number one priority so please be patient.**

 **Don't forget to review and follow.**

 **I love feedback, with questions and constructive criticism that will help me improve.**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Jen1072:_ Me neither I get you girl.**

 _ **joangoldman**_ ** _9:_ Maybe we'll find out what Morton's letter said in the future. As for the list and taking Jack down I think Ana's strong but may be in over her head too. Chloe being a CPO wow, love the idea let's see what happens.**

 ** _fundays:_ Thank you! **

**_Gowildcats:_ The list was a good copying mechanism if you ask me, glad you like it.**

 ** _carlarbaptista:_ Brigada! :)  
**

 ** _CathyD52:_ Thank you for reviewing so many chapters. I too love quirky Chloe and hate slimy Jack.**

 **NOTE:** _**Contains spoilers for Pretty Woman.**_

* * *

 **Chapter Five: Grey**

The rest of the weekend is as grey as the sky. Going grocery shopping results in a bags worth of 2-minute noodles, fruit, drinks and frozen meals. I download a bunch of music on my phone, classical, no words. Music, I decided, is my new form of distraction. At some point Sunday evening I get answers from the publishing houses- they all inform me that the vacancies have been filled, and the music thus far only serves to remind me of _him_. During a terrible and desperate moment I google _Christian Grey-_ I smartly avoid images and find out his middle name is Trevelyan.

Sunday night I sit with a bowl of noodles swaddled in a giant, fluffy blanket after not having eaten the rest of Saturday or today. I chew on it lazily feeling dejected and flip through the channels of the television with disinterest.

At some point _Pretty Woman_ 's on, somehow, I can't reach the remote.

Anger boils inside me as I stare at the soundless images on screen. I don't know when it starts but the sobbing is uncontrollable. My bowl sits half-empty and abandoned on the floor as I bury my face into the blanket.

"He doesn't love you!" I exclaim at the television. "Don't kiss him!" My arms swing wildly at them trying to stop the impending scene from happening, "He just thinks you're an easy hooker who he owns! Don't! You're more than that!"

I'm fucking Vivian! I'm the hooker who falls in love with somebody who could never love me back. Difference is Edward always loved Vivian and fights for her when it counts. They had giant differences and worked through it together.

 _He_ didn't want to work through it. _He_ wanted me to act a certain way, be a certain way. Edward used hearts and flowers but you could see the care behind it. I was forcing _him_ to treat me like the hopeless romantic I am making him do something _he_ can't- doesn't want to do.

Ringing echoes from somewhere in my mess. I slobber up digging through the blanket until I find it under the couch cushion. It reads _Claire-_ a few seconds pass where I guiltily hope she'll hang up before I clear my throat, "Hello?"

"Ana, hey! It's me, Claire! I've got big news!"

 _Oh God!_ The Vixen hisses covering her ears. _Why'd the hell d'you answer the phone._

"What's up?" I take my bowl to the kitchen rinsing out the remaining contents. Grey would disapprove, I could practically hear him scolding me for wasting food.

"Hello? Are you still there?"

"Uh, the connection went a bit fuzzy can you repeat that last part?"

"I said that I have news for you. Remember the other day when I told you about my second aunt Farnie? The one with the major paying job, who's a snob and talks way too much?" It feels like years ago.

"Um… _yes._ "

"So," She drags it the exact way Kate drags her vowels to annoy me. "This weekend while we were all at Tacoma she was going on about her company- okay not her company the one she works at. Telling us about it, even though we know all about it. But then she said they were just about to begin their paid internship program and are trying to find someone to replace one of the candidates that got removed." She continues without pause.

"And get this she's vice head of Human Resources, they of course wouldn't take me if I begged what with my community college certificates and afternoon classes but they would totally have you." I perk up at this. "I'm sorry, I know you just started at SIP but I feel like you're leaving soon. Usually after I've sent someone to Sarah they leave right away."

 _Is Claire really this ignorant to what's happening?_ I don't think I want to know. My subconscious raises an eyebrow at me. _No possible chance she doesn't know._

 _Well you heard her she says she needs this job,_ The white voice respond. _Maybe she needs to turn the other cheek._

"Nothing good every came from turning the other cheek." I mutter before I realize I've said it aloud. "Sorry Ana, what was that?"

"What's the company?" God, I wish I could focus on what she's saying but my mind's racing. Could Jack have all of SIP in on what he's doing. Claire could be in on it and this could all be an elaborate plot to trick me. It's all too much.

"It does so many things communications technologies, eco-manufacturing and a bunch of stuff like that. It's such a huge company. By the way since I have all the employees files I gave her like the basics of your résumé. She is totally willing to pull a few strings." I listen carefully, as flickers of Viviane pass on the TV as she talks to her friend Kit De Luca. I've never had much interest in the other side of the business world that didn't involve art and literature but it's a start.

"It's even paid."

"Really it's paid?" That sounds almost too good to be true.

"Yeah its I know I'm amazing. I'll send you her email address, email her before the ivy league graduates get a whiff of this."

"Yes, absolutely!" I'm stunned. "Thank you Claire, this is unbelievable."

"No problem, I hope you get it Ana."

"Thank you." When I hang up, I throw a fist in the air in celebration. _Yes! Yes! Yes! Finally, something great might happen for me._

 _And that my dear Ana is why you answered the phone._ The white voice cheers.

I walk back to the TV where Vivian is crying, "It will all work out, girl." I say grabbing the remote and switching it off with a click. I beeline to my room where a printed copy of my résumé rests in my bedside table, I grab Kate's laptop and head over to the printer scanning it on, then I open my email and copy the email address Claire sent to my phone. Writing a short message of gratitude for the chance and an image of myself.

It's still early so I press send.

* * *

When my alarm rings the next morning the first thing I do is check my email, no new emails I frown but busy myself in getting ready for work.

My stomach twists uneasily, I dread going in today. With all the distractions of _him_ and the excitement of a possible new job. My mind keeps consciously trying to push Jack away. How can I face him after what I now know.

The first face I see is Claire's smiling one, "Hey you." She smiles brightly. The great thing about the weekend was I could be sad in the apartment and not have to talk to anyone or put up a fake front. Today though I am feeling immensely indebted to her smile and go over to hug her, in greeting and thanks.

The next face I see is Jack _my-heart-is-pounding_ Hyde and I have no idea how I manage to keep last night's noodles down.

"Morning Ana. You look nice today." He says, my skin crawls when his hand brushes across my shoulder.

"Morning sir." I manage, side-stepping him to my desk.

His whole demeanor seems different now. Now that I know what he's a sly fox waiting to grab little bunny Steele. His eyes I once thought mischievous but charismatic, now scream cruelty and malice. Every movement he makes, I second guess and must remind myself to calm the hell down. I work through last Friday's files when he doesn't give me a direct assignment and goes to his office. At 14:30 as I'm about leave for lunch, when my phone pings.

* * *

 **From:** Gwen Farnie

 **Subject:** Internship Program

 **Date:** June 13, 14: 28

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

Thank you for the interest in our internship program and we'd be glad to have you.

I have a few more personal questions for you that are to do with this specific internship, but besides that there's an attached document with further details on said internship down below. Please ensure that you do not inform any of your fellow interns of your acquaintance with me, and my hand in helping you acquire your position.

I apologize in advance about the short notice most of the interns have known prior to 3 months of their acceptance. Hopefully you are well informed of this company like many others.

See you in three weeks.

Welcome to Grey Enterprises Holdings!

Vice President of Human Resources, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

I double take, blinking twice and rub my eyes.

Welcome to Grey Enterprises Holdings!

Grey Enterprises.

Grey.

 _Grey._

 _Grey!_

"Oh my God?!" I scream covering my mouth in disbelief. I look to find the whole room's witnessed my outburst. "Sorry." I squeak my face flaming with embarrassment. I use one hand to cover my face against prying eyes and the other to click refresh on the page a couple hundred times. When the words remain the same, I'm suddenly scrambling out of my desk, with about 12 pairs of eyes following me.

For some reason my hand won't leave the side of my face even as I reach reception, as if I'm trying to block the world from seeing my entire dilemma. My other hand begins to shake as I for an unbeknownst reason knock on Claire's desk.

"Um…" Words fail me but she's on the phone giving me a worried glance as she listens responsively to someone. "Yes sir. I'll be sure to deliver the message…"

As she speaks my shaking hand joins the other on my face massaging at my temple. I'm frantically trying not to have a panic attack at some point I start pacing. _Fuck! I hadn't even considered- Holy mother of all that is good and pure! I'm working for him! My ex- not even my ex, my ex- dominate._

"Ana? What's wrong?" Claire says eventually putting the phone back in the receiver. I look at her wide-eyed stopping mid-pace. _I mean like does she not understand the situation?_ Everyone in my head waits for her to catch on to the obvious situation. She meets my gaze confusion evident on her face.

"The internship is at Grey Enterprises...?"

Claire immediately brightens. "I know right! You're so lucky!" She clasps her hands together eagerly. "My aunt messaged me just this morning telling me not to tell you. I'm so happy for you." The acknowledgement that this is real, is overwhelming and my whole being is at a loss.

"I didn't know it was there."

"What? How did you not know?" She shakes her head lightly to herself. "I swear I mentioned it."

"No!" I snap, though she might've and I just didn't listen. We both falter, "Wait, Ana aren't you happy? This is a great opportunity. That is currently one of the best places to work in the USA, it's literally world renowned."

Of course, it is. Of course, Claire doesn't understand, how could I expect her too. What do I say? _No, I can't work there because my ex-dominate who beat me, then I dumped is the CEO billionaire, owner, guy._

 _I look to the characters and they all nod encouragingly at my train of thought._ I can't say that!

"No, no, of course, I am." My mistake is showing too much emotion, too much of the wrong emotion. Happy, dumb, numb... I plaster on a smile.

"I'm just so stunned, and overwhelmed I mean Grey Enterprises- That's something!" She waits for more. "Something amazing I mean like fuck me."

 _Really just fuck me. Fuckity, fuck, fucking dammit!_

After convincing Claire of my utter, and complete gratitude. I drag my feet back to my desk, sink into my seat and shrink away from everyone's wayward stares in my direction. How can I expect to work at Grey Enterprises and never see the Grey CEO and owner? _You'll just be an intern. You may never meet him._ My voices chime in unison.

In high school they said interns are specially selected individuals by the company. Managers, CEO's or whoever's in charge meets said individuals at any time they're available and know each of them by name and accompanied information. He could send his 2nd in command, Ros. She seems like the type that would over see this. I perk at this then immediately placate myself. _Why am I considering this? I am not working at that place._

Groaning I smack my head on to my desk, no longer caring what people here think of me. "This is crazy…"

"What's crazy?" I jump up in my seat at Jack's teasing voice. "Oh uh." I'm at a loss for words, his presence making me immediately uncomfortable. He raises an eyebrow and gives me a look as if he's hiding a big secret. Tears immediately start to pool in my eyes. I'm at a loss as I feel my throat tighten and bile rise in my throat.

* * *

 **Hey guys another chapter done and dusted and if you ask me things are getting heated. Poor Ana it's becoming a lot to deal with, but to me she's dealing with it as best she can.**

 **Let me know how you guys are feeling ;)**

 **xoxoIvoryxoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

**_fundays:_ You're literally the best person in the world, fundays. Thank you for reviewing!**

 ** _joangoldman9:_ I swear Ana wasn't paying any attention to what Claire was saying on the phone. Also who knows if Claire mentioned the job was at GEH, she talks quite a bit. I think Claire just had Ana's best interest at heart as well.**

 ** _Guest:_ I'll keep working on my grammar, I'm really sorry.**

 ** _Jen1072:_ I'll keep working hard for you. Thank you for the support.**

 ** _carlarbaptista:_ Brigada por o seu apoio.**

 ** _kelly:_ RECAP. ****Anastasia has lived in constant curiosity of her new boss Jack Hyde since being hired by him. However, because of her recent break up and new friendships she hasn't learned much about him. That is until she travels to meet with a Miss Sarah Wilson, who opened her eyes to the horrors of Jack Hyde. We currently think she's on the verge of a mental breakdown (Tell me if you need more detail).**

* * *

 **Chapter Six: How to Catch a Bad Guy**

A character smacks me upside my head, the resulting jerk sends the bile sliding straight down my throat. I hiss inwardly at the taste my body giving an involuntary shudder, all while my hand searches out an excuse. My fingers wrap around my new camera which I stare at for a millisecond, I was supposed to figure out how it worked during lunch.

"I- I have no idea how to work this thing." I stutter. "It's crazy I mean I didn't grow up with a bunch of technology, but I feel pathetic not knowing how to operate a camera." I meet Jack's eyes trying to convey only innocent confusion instead of rising fear. I'm sure I'm caught in my lie but then his eyes brighten and a large smile spreads across his face. It's as if I've given him a huge key to _… me_.

He pulls it away from me, cradling it as his hands purposely brushes across mine. I flinch away, he must think he's affected me in some other way because he smiles playfully at me. I take the opportunity to craftily wipe away my tears as he looks over the machinery.

"Today's your lucky day Ana." He says with a Cheshire grin. "I happen to be an expert in cameras, I have been for a number of years." My heart gives a painful jump, horror and disgust filling my body. _Blackmail, he must be blackmailing them with pictures and videos._

" _I bet_." I bite.

"What?"

"I said that's great." I try to match his smile with my own. "Do you think you could help sometime?" He insists we go to his office and though the hairs on the back of my neck spring up I manage to follow him with steady legs. When Chloe and I bought the camera, the man listed a bunch of impressive qualities it had, and a told us it was the best one for affordability and quality. The only thing I ensured was that it was black.

Jack spends a good 30 minutes explaining the camera and its quality. How to get proper audio, and feed at the same time. I nod listening to him while keeping a safe distance. He then continues going on about himself, his love of cameras and how he knows how to capture 'subjects' perfectly.

It doesn't take long for me to get from his office to squatted on the bathroom floor dry heaving over a toilet. I'm petrified of Jack, of what he could do to me, of what he's done. However, I can't help the sadness I feel for him, the knowledge that something happened to Jack that made him this way. Something hurt him to such an extent that he wants to hurt others in such a cruel way. The tears come before I can stop them.

Christian was hurt and abused, he wouldn't tell me, but I know. It's because of his past and Elena that he became the way he is, that he's so... _fifty shades_. He wouldn't let me help- he wouldn't let me love him.

I splash my face and bare arms trying to wash the dirt I feel on me. If Chloe was here I'm sure she'd be trying to cleanse my aura right now- I wonder how one would go about doing that. I sigh stroking away clinging tendrils from my face and staring at ghostly Ana in the mirror.

 _If only someone could fix you,_ the voice taunts. _If only it were that simple._

Feeding into the now gaping hunger and the dizziness I get an apple and two pears from the kitchen before returning to my desk and staring at _the_ email for an unhealthy, amount of time because Jack still hasn't given me any work. I don't have any other option. Everywhere besides a Barnes and Nobles book organizing position has declined me. I certainly can't live off Kate forever.

This is a better then well-paying internship, and it's only for six months. I can avoid him for six months- I've already manged over a week.

 _Do you want to avoid him...?_

* * *

 **From:** Anastasia Steele

 **Subject:** RE: Internship Program

 **Date:** June 13, 16: 08

 **To:** Gwen Farnie

Thank you so much for this opportunity, Ms Farnie.

This is an honor, and I realize how prestigious and sought out this chance is. I'll work hard and won't let you down.

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP

* * *

 **From:** Gwen Farnie

 **Subject:** RE: Internship Program

 **Date:** June 13, 16: 17

 **To:** Anastasia Steele

I sure hope so, I'll keep an eye on you.

Now I just need you to send your birth certificate, ID the basics it's all attached in the documents I sent you.

Good luck.

Vice President of Human Resources, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

I'm still reeling from my decision when I get home. I eat an apple, then another, and then two more and down a carton of orange juice. At 21:45 I'm still laying on my couch in my pajamas staring at the ceiling while Debussy plays softly from my phone on the table.

Today could be considered a good day; Jack unknowingly helped me in figuring out how to take him down. I now know what I must do- gather evidence of sexual harassment, inappropriate behavior, whatever I can that would expose Jack. Anything that would result in him being locked away, or at least him getting help. I needed Sarah to put on record her account of Jack, though I have no idea how the law system works and whether her statement would still be considered in court after so long. I could get someone to record him harassing me, then they'd be the eye witness as well as video evidence.

I cross my arms over my eyes. I need to document every step of my plan- _Operation Jackass._ I eye the character that suggests this before shrugging her off. I wonder what I'll do when all this is over- I won't have job. Wait, I have a job which means I have a deadline. Three weeks, isn't a long time to get Jack caught or figure out this whole Grey Enterprise thing.

"At least I got a job!" I perk. It's a guaranteed place I'm going to after SIP.

 _An internship._ A voice corrects.

 _At a place you swore you'd never work at._ Another chimes. A small downfall, I argue, because it is ultimately beneficial; great pay and good on applications for jobs. The way people rave about Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. there's no way my next job applications will be denied.

"This calls for alcohol." Though I'm positive if I get wasted a certain contact number I'm yet to delete will be called and we don't want that.

I nod to myself deciding that my arguments very convincing, very convincing indeed. There are no ulterior motives to me working at his company... yep, no psychological, emotional or any of those pesky problems here. "I'll be in and out."

Debussy cuts abruptly my phone buzzing to indicate an incoming call. I groan peering at the contact, _Adam B (Hero)._ I feel my irritation ebb slightly, but still wait a few seconds before reaching over to answer.

"Guten Tag." I roll over so my stomach presses against the couch.

"Nice try _but_ your pronunciation sucks."

I snort. "How are you, Adam B?"

"I'm walking on clouds Annie S." I laugh at the nickname. Over the years I've realized that every single male friend I make, has come up with their own personal nickname for me. I say call me Ana, and it somehow opens Pandora's box to nicknames. _He_ was the first to ever just call me Anastasia so consistently, to love the name that even I can hardly stand. Anyway, I've learnt to just go with it.

"But more importantly, how are you?" I'm surprised by the genuine concern in his voice, and because I couldn't possible tell him the whole truth I tell him "I'm fine".

I should stop worrying others with my problems. Speaking of, "I've been meaning to ask you, um... well you didn't tell José about that conversation we had, right?" I ask, the thought a sudden and terrifying possibility.

"I'm just asking because José isn't exactly team my... _ex_. And I haven't really told anyone else what I told you." I guess I forgot that Adam was José's friend first. Meaning he might think it's alright to tell my long time friend José about my problems.

"Of course not." _Thank god._ "When a man zips up his lips with a metaphorical key and lock, you have to trust him Annie S."

"Sorry." I laugh relieved. "Thanks, it's just I wanted to make sure our metaphorical keys got thrown away effectively."

"Have you eaten?" I pause because the mere sentence brings a tirade of emotions and images of Chri _\- him._ "Tea this morning, half a sandwich, more apples than I can count, two pears and a carton of orange juice."

"Are we into a new form of dieting?" He chuckles, I manage a half smile at this surprisingly, pleasant conversation. Kate always goes on about how I and her other friends always help her get over a breakup. This does provide comfort, and a semblance of normality but… it's not enough. _What would be enough?_

"So, what are we up to this fine weekend?" He asks. "It's Monday. How would I know that?'

"Plan ahead." He insists.

"Cycling." I answer. The vixen scoffs, _watching a silent Dirty Dancing with Debussy or Yurima on repeat._

"Ugh exercise, the bane of mine and half of America's existence. How about a party instead?"

I opt for honesty and say, "Not really in the mood for large social gatherings that require interaction with others."

"Understandable, but this is for _next_ weekend, considering its Monday, and there's still another Monday, me thinks you have plenty of time to get ready for such interactions."

I don't answer. "Come on, I want you to meet my best friend and hopeful girlfriend." I smile at least I know he isn't trying to get into my pants.

An unknown darkness chuckles at my statement. I shake my head gathering my thoughts before saying anything else

"I'll... _think_ about it." I say, suddenly not wanting to make conversation anymore. "No problem. Oh, and Ana, eat a banana they're full of protein and dietary fiber."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"No, it's scientific Annie S."

"Goodnight Adam B."

After Adam, I call Kate because of guilt and to tell her the truth. Tell her Christian and I are done, that I'm miserable and afraid of my boss. However, her excitement is too overwhelming. I can't remember the last time Kate sounded so excited about a guy. I can't believe I'm lying to the one person who I've always been able to tell the truth to, again.

First because of Christian's NDA, now because... there's too many reasons to list.

I manage to sound uplifting and excited for work and life in general. Kate rages over Barbados, I laugh and make comments when necessary and go to bed after a 10-minute conversation that I feel guilty for hoping would end the whole time. Its midnight when my mind finally quietens down enough for me to sleep, and just when I escape reality my dreams turn against me.

 _Everyone laughs at me for crying over him. Faces I don't know, but they look like me. Past submissives' all watching and laughing at ghostly, thin Ana._

 _Christian's there his hand laced with a new submissive. Pretty, curvy, with short blonde hair. I watch from a distance as he slips a ring on her finger and kisses her on the lips. She wraps arm around his back where I'm not allowed to touch. She strokes his chest and kisses him open mouthed and glaring at me the whole time._

 _"I love you." He says to her and as when she turns her head to giggle she morphs into Mrs Robinson and cackles. Then she's on top of me throwing me to the ground and tearing at me, while I beg her to stop. Christian watches from a distance- emotionless._

I wake with a gasp my chest heaving as if there's no oxygen where I am. I'm drowning. I remind myself where I am, squinting in the darkness to see my room, to know this is reality.

"Shit. Fuck!" I rip the covers off sobbing as I scramble out of the too conforming sheets. My hand collides with the lamp beside me sending it crashing to the ground. I rip through the room throwing my books from my shelves, pillows from the bed and anything else I can grab.

I see the notebook on the floor discarded. "Number 1 get over Christian Grey." I laugh as I tear the page to shreds, how about a reality check list.

" _Number o- one; Jack Hyde is-s going to... rape me._ " I sweep the desk of its contents and throw myself at it to tip it over, but trip and instead collapse against it in a mess of tears. " _Number two;_ _I've lost who I thought was the love of my life._ " My grip falters and slips- suddenly I'm sprawled on the floor.

" _N-Number three_." My eyes take in the never ending darkness, as I try and fail to ignore the yelling voices in my head all competing. " _I'm losing myself, it makes me_ terrified."

The nightmare replays itself over and over every time I blink, I can't stop it, so I don't. I lay there staring at the dark floor until a small piece of white catches my eye.

 _7\. Go_

The rest of the sentence is ripped away, "Number 7 go jogging." I wipe my face with the sleeve of my pajama then on all fours I rummage through the floor's contents until I find my phone, it reads 05:32. I pull off my sweats replacing them with tights, then slip off my pajama top. I find an old sports bra I haven't used in years then raid Kate's room for a hoodie. After digging up my earphones I put my phone in the inside pocket of the hoodie and grab the keys before heading out.

The last time I went jogging was in high school. I did it because I wasn't coordinated enough to be a cheerleader and Kate insisted I did an extra- curricular activity so we'd always go home together.

I remember the tips my teacher always repeated; swing your arms, pace yourself, breathe and never run its not a race. I've never disobeyed her until today.

 _I run._

I run until I can't feel my legs anymore. I run to not cry or think or reflect. I have no idea where I'm going, I don't care. The wind whips at my face, my legs protesting because they've never been pushed so far beyond what they can take. My lungs burn screaming for air as I ignore them and continue as my whole body aches. The only thing I'm aware of is the music pounding in my ears and what's in front of me. Images of him play out in front of me, but with each swing of my arm they evaporate.

My legs almost give in, in the shower but they don't. I see that as an accomplishment; to celebrate I eat like I haven't eaten in months.

"See Steele." I say around the food in my mouth. "You don't need anyone, all you need is food. It doesn't leave you, it feeds you and loves you." I devour an omelette, a bowl of oats, toast and three cups of water.

When I look in the mirror I fiddle with my hair, there's no time to dry it. Despite it only being slightly wet I know that means it will frizz. I need a haircut... the dream. What if I did it? What if I cut my stupid, frizzy long hair? So, what? I could rock a bob.

 _Let's calm down,_ the white voice jumps. _Maybe we shouldn't do anything we'd regret_

I lift my hair with one hand and try to envision myself with short hair. I could envision it but I've always had long hair, I'm not cutting it because of dream form Elena Lincoln. As I leave for work I meet with Chloe who's doing what she considers a late shift at the company she works for as a receptionist. She agrees that my hair would look good short, then goes on to invite me for dinner tonight. I can't think of a polite way to decline, surprisingly the dinner brings me excitement so I agree with a nod. Maybe I just don't want to be alone with my thoughts.

When I get to work I'm proud of my early hour because Jack's not here but his office is open thanks to the cleaning staff. I drop my bag on my desk before slipping into his office and closing the door behind me. I leave his coffee on his desk then go about searching for a place to hide the camera. Across from Jack's desk is a table piled with books and files, next to it is a weird shell shaped object, it's filled with different useless trinkets and I think to hide the camera here but Hyde's constantly at this table.

I move to his bookcase on the left side of his office. The shelves are filled with books and random objects.

I check my watch, "He'll be here soon." I jotter around the looking for an effective place or object. The camera thanks to Jackass is easy enough to operate. I click the _on_ button then wait for it to come to life before switching to video and pressing record. On the top shelf I spy a clear, outdoor wooden candle holder. It's light filled to the brim with giant crystals. I quirk an eyebrow wondering why anyone would want this.

Regardless, I kneel on the floor and open the latch, surprisingly the crystals don't topple out. I then go about reorganizing them around the camera it's especially hard to hide the flashing red light.

"Marcus, a bet's a bet. Drinks on you." I freeze hearing Jack's voice booming from the other side of the office. _Oh shit sandwiches!_

I try to cram the remaining crystal inside but it won't fit. I close the latch roughly and put the candle holder back in place then move around some of the books. I take staggering step back to look over my work but Jack's laugh and footsteps echo.

" _Fuck._ " I murmur panicking. I grab the crystal on the floor ramming it deep in my jacket pocket. I open the door slowly and Jack's striding towards me, head down reading something on his phone. Grabbing a random manuscript from his pile, I flip through it as I walk out pretending not to see him.

"Morning Ana." He says. I look up feigning surprise. "Jacka- Jacky Jack morning." I'm trapped in the door frame and have to step back inside to let him in.

"Uh- okay... Ana Ana?" I hope to God that's not a permanent nickname. "Early today? What's that?"

"Oh, I was just leaving your coffee and wanted to re- review this manuscript." He leans down peering at it. "Boyce Fox? You read that last week."

"I- I can't put it down," I'm glad that I have actually read this. "It's so sharp and relevant, super insightful. I want to make sure there's no errors." We manoeuvre I have my exit but am frozen. My desks a few feet away but as our eyes meet, I'm locked in place manuscript between us like a shield. He presses an arm against the door frame adjacent to my head peering at the semi- empty office behind me.

He leans in chuckling. I swallow hard.

"You've already convinced me just with that smile."

"Uh, any work for me?" After a beat he steps back and spends another few minutes doing what I describe as flirting within lines. He assigns me several new manuscripts that need to be edited and I leave with a long, lingering squeeze to the shoulder. My characters all breathe a collective sigh of relief. I finish three manuscripts before getting distracted. I pull out my get over Christian notebook, and open to a new page.

 _'Operation Jackass',_ I write at the top of the page then as a sub heading write _'How to prove he's inappropriate'._

I have to pay special attention to what I wear around Jack; he can't have the opportunity to say I coaxed him or tried to seduce him with my clothes or behavior. I just need to act the way I've been acting and hope that's enough I start to jot down points.

 _1\. Dress like a nun_

 _2\. Always look uncomfortable and see how he reacts._

 _3\. Do not engage in jokes and banter._

 _4\. Be a diligent and present worker_

 _5\. Discuss how you're in a relationship and ensure hears._

 _6\. Keep any topics of conversation work related_

It's after lunch when I finally look up from my list, its harder than expected to come up with ideas. That's when I see Elizabeth from Human Resources walking in my direction. My hand not so discreetly covers the notebook, she smiles tightly at me as I slowly slip the book under my desk into a drawer. My heart jerks with fear she knows I'm leaving and she's here to fire me.

"Anastasia." She greets me. "Hi, Elizabeth."

"I've been hearing so many good things about you. A lot of supervisors have been coming to me saying you've been helping them out in day to day things, contributing ideas and just being helpful." _Well, Jack never gives her anything to do._ I shush the voice before she can put the words in my mouth. "I just came down to tell you to keep it up."

"Wow really?" I'm taken aback. "Thank you." Que Jackass sauntering out of his office uninvited to the conversation. "Hey Lizzy." He says resting a hand against the back of my chair. Elizabeth looks crestfallen upon seeing him then smiles again. It's such a brief interlude that I'm not sure I saw properly.

"Hi Jack." She greets.

"What is the Head of Personnel doing here?" He glances down at me trying to engage me in playfulness. "Are we in trouble? Did we do something we weren't supposed to Ana?" My eyes widen which is all I can do to keep my jaw from dropping in shock. He sounds totally suggestive, I don't say anything, trying to compose myself.

Elizabeth doesn't seem to notice laughing dryly at Jack's joke. "Not at all. Just encouraging Ana's working so well we wouldn't want to lose her."

Then she looks at me meaningfully. "Very good Ana."

Jack moves closer, resting both hands on the back of the chair. "Well, I think a good ol' round at Laurie's will do for a better celebration." Elizabeth momentarily freezes if I wasn't paying so much attention to her I wouldn't have noticed at all.

 _What is going on here?_

"That place from before?" I ask my glancing up at Jack to analyse his expression.

"That bar I told you about last week. Friday is a ritual, but other days are good too. Except Liz here hasn't been coming for a while." She smiles when I look back at her but the expression is forced.

"I can't, meetings, otherwise-"

"Ana?"

 _Jack + Me + Booze= bad things,_ my subconscious says warning, I muse on the fact that there will be others. "Sure."

"Cool." His phone buzzes and he leaves us. Elizabeth smiles again, tight lipped and leaves without another word. _What just happened?_ When Elizabeth's a good distance away and Jack's door closes I get up and follow her. Maybe she's an ex- lover... I quickly disregard that notion. She's Human Resources if she wanted she could take Jack down with a snap of her fingers. Elizabeth takes a left heads to her office swinging the door behind her- it doesn't shut. Unlike most doors in this office which are made of stained or translucent glass Elizabeth's one like Jack's is hard wood.

Taking a page from Sarah I look around before kneeling at the door and peering inside. She plops into her seat and pounds her fists on to the desk. I watch as she slumps forward rubbing her face aggressively, "Asshole, motherfucking asshole." When her shoulders start shaking and I hear a clear sob I return to my desk completely bewildered.

She doesn't know I'm leaving SIP. I realize.

She was trying to ward off Jack.

She knows about the sexual harassment.

She's a victim.

He has Human Resources.

 _What the hell do I do now?_

* * *

 **Hey guys we've reached 183 followers and 61 reviews!**

 **I'd just like to say how grateful I am to all of you, to everyone's that's followed, reviewed and left a favorite. I do appreciate creative and constructive** **criticism/ feedback. I'd love to know your thoughts and comments on how you think the story will and should progress.**

 **NOTE: I'll continue to work on my grammar and sentence structure and I'm so very sorry for any errors.**

 **Thanks again to everyone**

 **xoxoIvoryxoxo**


	7. Chapter 7

**_suzykepling:_ ****I'm trying thanks. You have every right to call me out if I'm not consistent with the timeline.**

 ** _Jen1072:_** **I'm literally sorry everyday for keeping you waiting.**

 ** _fundays:_ I can always count you.**

 ** _Gowildcats :_ Ana is not a giver uper (not a word, I know) but, yeah she's way over her head.**

 ** _peachesgo :_ Oh but you see our dear Ana, unfortunately, refuses too. While I agree with you a 120%, Ana just won't listen to me.**

 _ **Christene: **_**I don't think Ana thought of that... could end badly because she didn't.**

 _ **Tammyken:**_ **I'd really like to thank you for your review. The guest reviews really were getting to me and I really appreciate this. Thank you so much! I'll keep working hard!**

 ** _joangoldman9:_ You literally crack me up! I love your reviews, thank you so much. Honestly, I always hated Elizabeth for that but then again Jack was blackmailing her.**

 ** _carlabaptista:_ Brigada amiga!**

 ** _hermionesteele:_ Me too, I trust in Ana. She just needs to trust in herself**

 _ **cwalk74:**_ **This chapter is officially dedicated to you. I never want you to forget if you love this story, that's the nicest thing ever and thank you so much for the review!**

 **Chapter Seven: Revelations, Hugs and Escala**

I'm painstakingly disturbed by how right Sarah is about this place being corrupt. Everything's ruined; the whole plan rotated around going to human resources with all my evidence- they'd get rid of Jack. We'd then go to the police with the situation, so that they'd take care of the rest.

I can't believe I hadn't guessed this before, of course HR knows, it's impossible that none of Jack's assistants filed a complaint against him or accused him of sexual harassment. The question is why? Why hasn't Elizabeth handled this already? She could get Jack fired easily with her position at the company.

 _The videos and pictures,_ my subconscious reminds me. Right, the blackmail, how could I forget. I didn't know whether to feel sorry or revolted, she's not only protecting him but she's enabling him to continue.

Do I call Sarah Wilson? No, I can't… yet.

I turn to the characters, who all lay strewn about my psychological living room, actively talking over each other as they independently scribble on loose paper. Well, what do I do now? I ask them. They all pause their brainstorming session to give me equally perplexed and befuddled looks. I sigh folding my arms on my desk to cushion my pounding head. My hair cascades around me creating a wall between the outside world and me. I wonder what would happen if I never came up again, I wonder if all my problems would resolve themselves-

My blackberry buzzes, I don't look at the contact because I don't have the strength. I manoeuvre the phone through my hair until it presses against my ear. "Ana Steele."

"Hi, Steele." Ethan's drawl catches me off guard.

"Ethan!" I jump up. "Oh, my goodness, how are you?"

"Frustrated and hungry, my connecting flight got delayed so I'm only buckling up now."

"Flight? What flight?" I comb through my conversation with Kate from yesterday, I'm pretty sure her, Elliot and Ethan are only coming back in a week or so, so why is Ethan calling…

My subconscious shakes her head in defeat, making a show of putting down her pencil and paper. Only then, does she turn up the audio on mine and Kate's conversation.

 _'Ana, don't forget Ethan's arriving tomorrow because he's sick of me and Elliot being an incredibly, cute and amazing couple.'_ And had cordially I agreed that he could stay with us for some time because I hadn't been paying attention to what she was saying. The incredibly, cute couple details were not helping my misery.

"Oh Steele, your absentmindedness…"

"Shit, yeah," I murmur apologetically. "Guilty." I honestly can't deal with Ethan right now. He's someone that's so close to me, I wouldn't be able to keep everything going on right now away from him. Next to Kate, he can read me the easiest.

"Uh… where are you right now?"

"You'll never guess where I am!" Ethan yells, and I wonder how the people in his flight feel about him yelling.

"Fucking Springfield!" I wish I could match his enthusiasm. "That's right, _'The Simpsons'_ is real."

"Oh Ethan…" I groan.

"For real Ana, I freaked out when they said our connecting flight is in Springfield- Branson National Airport. How fucking awesome is that?!"

"Very awesome."

"I can feel your sarcasm. Anyway, we're just about to depart, it's around a 5- hour flight and then I guess I'll take a taxi to your place." I'm about to offer to pick him up when I remember all I have for transport is a bike and while Ethan could very well sit in the basket, I don't think I can pedal that far.

"Okay, I'll meet you outside the building."

"I'd rather you not it'll be late," He says. "I'll just buzz you then you can come down."

"Can you rather call I'm having dinner with my neighbor and don't know long it'll go on for."

"Oh," He says dragging the o. "Are we talking about a _male_ neighbor?"

"She's a fifty-year-old widower with fifteen cats." I say not in the mood to even entertain jokes like this.

"Hey I'm kidding!"

"Yeah, yeah." I force a laugh. "Let me get back to work."

"Dutiful employee as always." he says, "Laters."

"Wait did you just sa…" He's already hung up when I finally react. What, is Ethan saying it too now? Then it dawns on me that Ethan's spent an extended period-of-time with Elliot and can't help picking up his phrases, no matter how much I wish he wouldn't.

After work when a group of us ready to go to the bar. I tell Jack I'll lock up for him, when he says he needs to 'take a quick leak'. My hands shake, as I quickly repeat what took me forever in the morning except this time the office is still bustling with people and Jack's just a shake and tuck, away from catching me. The battery rests at a low 35% and I stuff it in my bag before making sure the holders properly situated.

Claire's packing her huge blue bag wearing an _exuberant_ amount of makeup when I reach reception. "Hey Claire."

"Just the girl I was looking for." She shimmies her shoulders excitedly. "You coming to Laurie's today or what?"

"Yeah," I say though I'm shaking my head. "But, I need your help." She looks confused though ultimately intrigued.

"Oh, a secret. I love it."

"I need you to film Jack and I at the bar." I say taking out the camera.

"What?" She angles her head to the side, furrows her eyebrows and chuckles. "Why?"

"You know why…"

"No," Claire's expression shifts to serious. "And I don't think I want too." She turns away from me and continues placing things in her bag. "Look I helped you okay. I don't want to know what's going on. I just want to do my job and wait for the next _you or whoever_ to come."

"Claire." I exclaim with disbelieve, then quickly lower my voice because a few colleagues pause to stare at us. "Claire, listen-"

"I'm not doing this, I'm not getting involved in sociopathic Sarah's problems, or whatever this is. I told you I need this job; my family isn't exactly living like Aunty Farnie." I grab her wrist stopping her from putting a stapler into her bag.

"Look-"

"Ana." Jack calls suddenly right there. With my bag on the table I manage to slide the camera to Claire without being seen.

"Yeah?"

"Come on, I'll walk you there." His hand presses to the small of my back. I nod letting him lead me away, I don't glance back. Jack talks to no one else but me once we reach the bar. He switches from topic to topic having comments and opinion on everything; if I didn't know he was such a creep, he'd be charming.

I take small sips of the tall beer, he insisted in buying me, never giving him a chance to touch it or buy me a new one. At multiple points his knee touches mine, or his hand grazes my shoulder, or arm. Claire's been effectively ignoring me the whole afternoon despite sitting literally across the bar the whole time, she's ignored every side- look. I try to ignore the guilt I feel bubbling and focus on extracting information from Jack.

"So how are you liking it here so far." He asks, then nudges me playfully as he continues. "I know I'm the boss but don't worry you can tell me if you hate me."

"I love it." I smile. "Everyone's so great and welcoming, especially you and Claire. Oh, and don't get me started on Elizabeth."

His smile grows laced with confusion. "Elizabeth?"

"Yeah, she's been so nice to me, helpful and she's so pretty too. Is she single?"

"Why you interested?" He chuckles.

"No," I wave him off. "Just wondering."

He eyes me- not with suspicion. "Let me tell you a secret, honey." He leans in. I lean back.

Jack chuckles. "Don't be shy," When I don't move, he puts his hands up in surrender. "Okay fine, between you and me she's had a thing for me for years."

I resist the urge to lean in at that. "Uh, what?"

"Yeah, we hooked up once and she's been crazy about me for years." I must keep the disbelieve of this blatant lie from showing on my face. "I just didn't feel it with her, you know. I know it's a bit childish, but we're all looking for someone special, right?" He let's the sentence hang there, looking at me deeply.

My characters all huddle on the couch staring at this man in utter disbelief.

 _He's playing us._

 _He's trying to woo us._

 _He's good… really good._

I turn away to stop the laughter about to topple out of me, instead I take a long gulp of my beer as Jack's lips twist up in a satisfied smirk. That's enough of that. I grab my bag from where it's hanging securing it on my shoulder, as if on cue my phone buzzes.

"I should head out," I say grabbing it from the counter and pretending to check the notification. "It's getting late and I have dinner plans." I press end recording, pocketing the phone with an accomplished smirk.

"Oh well," He looks completely taken aback but recovers quickly, downing the rest of the whiskey while getting up. "You're a bit tipsy I should drive you home."

It's like dealing with an extreme, crazy, completely extra fifty shades. _No!_ My inner goddess roars from her eternal slumber. _Do not compare Christian Grey to this man._

"I think…"

"It's cool Mr Hyde," Claire who I didn't even notice approach, steps in. She gives him a large very Claire smile. "Ana's already got a ride with me."

"I insist."

"So, do I." She says hooking my arm. "I haven't had a drop and plus I'm the dinner plans." Jack nods seemingly fine with the situation but it's too late… I know better now. He wishes us both a good afternoon and turns back to the bar.

"Thanks for that," She looks at me the same way she did that day in the coffee shop before she told me about Sarah Wilson.

"Come on," She jerks her head. "I'll give you a ride home."

Her car is littered with junk; tickets, crumpled papers, empty water bottles, wrappers and take- away boxes strewn everywhere. "Ignore the mess." I nod and do because not like I had a car.

"That asshole was all over you." She murmurs angrily as she starts the car.

"I know. I've noticed."

"I'm in."

"What?"

"I'm in."

When we arrive at my apartment, Claire pulls me into a hug and despite the gear shift digging into my stomach and the camera awkwardly still in my hand it's the best feeling I've had in a while. I didn't realize how much I needed this dose of human contact until I feel tears brimming and hug her tighter.

"We'll figure this all out." She says stroking my back. "I'm sorry this is happening to you." I doubt Claire will ever know what a profound impact these words are having on me. How much this applies not only to Jack but my whole life right now. How much this means to me. It's as if all my characters and thoughts were personified and knew all I needed was a hug.

"Thank you."

Chloe's apartment is a mirror image to mine and Kate's and while you might describe ours as 'modern, chic' as Kate would put it. Chloe's apartment is best described as an art and artifacts museum meets nature reserve. She had plants and flowers everywhere; by the window sills, on the floor, on her surfaces even hanging from the ceiling. Her walls were covered in art, one of her walls was a self-made mural and everything withheld a story.

She had a radio and old-fashioned record player in place of a television, that reminded me of Ray and how I had to call him. Next to it hung a hanging chair in which I refused to try. We sat on plush round chairs, which matched the glass table.

"Wow, Chloe, this is incredible." She's made a garden salad, roasted sweet potatoes, a stir- fry vegetable mix, lasagna and garlic bread.

While eating her delicious spinach, cheese lasagna it's impossible to engage in conversation or keep up with her. My mind's to full with thoughts of Jack and _He-Who Shall-Not-Be-Named._ Now I had to figure out how to keep Ethan in the dark on both men. Not to mention come up with a new _Operation Jackass_ \- and fast because my internship is inching closer, and closer.

I sigh poking my salad aggressively, the fork piercing the mini tomato oozing out a watery red liquid.

"Ana, I hate to have come to this, but you've reached that stage."

"What do you mean?" I ask stabbing at another tomato.

"Where I as your new friend of one-week friend and just over a week neighbor have to say this."

I finally regard her, slightly amused. "Say what?" Chloe takes a swig of her fruity cider. The only way to get over one guy is to get under another one. There I said it, am I ashamed? Slightly."

"What?" I laugh, spluttering.

"Let's go out." She yells far to excitedly.

"Absolutely not."

"Well, we have to do something."

"It's Wednesday so… let's drink." I say downing half of the sweet cider, it's fresh and slides down my throat easily, tickling my throat with its fizz. She laughs sliding me another.

"Okay." I say pointing at her with the bottle. "Anything but that."

"We'll think of something."

I'm grateful when she drops the topic and tells me about herself instead, I try to focus on imagining her life playing out in front of me like I do all my book characters. During which I'm proud to say I have two full plates of everything.

I learn that Chloe works as a secretary at a huge company, while currently trying to obtain her fourth business related diploma. That, that little girl that opened the door for me was her sister and that her dream was to be a ballerina, but she gave it up to pursue what her parents called a 'proper' career.

"Don't you miss it?" I ask.

"I never left," She says. "I still take classes every other weekend. You can't just give up your dream like that." She snaps her finger. "I love dancing but it's risky. I'm not willing to take that risk."

I want to lecture her on how that isn't how life works and that we should always pursue our dreams no matter the risk. Then I remember that's the reverse of what I'm doing currently. Abandoning my dream to work with books to work at a company I know nothing about.

 _Its temporary though._ They echo me.

"So," Chloe starts gathering the empty bottles. "You going to tell me about lover boy now?"

I laugh, it's the furthest thing to describe him in all honesty.

"Why not," I shrug and it's probably a result of all the alcohol coursing through me. As I pile our plates up, I finally tell Chloe my Christian story, as conservatively and evasively as a tipsy me can. By the time I'm done we're almost done with the dishes.

"That's it, Ana!"

"What is?"

"He was your first boyfriend and love. You won't be able to forget him so easily, but _you_ left him, so you know it's for the best."

"But," I pause. "What if it isn't? What if my first is supposed to be my last?" I finally voice.

She dries her hands on her apron turning to me. "It doesn't look like he feels that way." Chloe says finally. _He's not here._ She might as well add.

I stare down at the soapy bubbles, at that moment my phone chooses to ring. I dry my hands on my jeans then dig out the phone, I smile grimly at the contact. "Ethan? You here?"

"Yeah just grabbing my bags."

"I'll be right down."

"Is that the roommate's brother?" I had told Chloe earlier about him, and how he thinks she's fifty. I laugh, "Mmhmm, thanks for dinner."

She nods, then unexpectedly gives me a hug. "Thanks for coming." I don't know how to feel as I rush down the stairs, not with the hug, but the whole situation.

"Ethan!" I yell as soon as I open the door. I'm met with a sun-bleached blonde hair, tan and glowing hazel eyes version of Ethan. As soon as he sees me, he envelopes me in a hug and twirls me. _Hugs sure are nice._

"Ana! It's been so long." He puts me down looking me over. "You look different."

Oh great… here we go again, Jose part two.

"Hold on let me grab my bags." We grab his bags from outside and start the trek up the stairs. "You look great," I say adjusting his laptop bag strap. "Why'd the hell did you come back here for?"

"Act like you didn't miss me." He scoffs ruffling my hair with his free hand, I frown up at him. "Anyway, I was seriously fed up with sunshine, and rum punches, and Kate being hopelessly in love."

 _Preach, brother, I'm tired of hearing it._ No matter how much I terribly miss Kate suddenly from hearing Ethan talk about her, it's exhausting pretending with my best friend.

"Sand, sun and sea, yeah, sounds like _Dante's Inferno_ to me too. How was it really?"

"Super great." He smiles then, "Back to you though, what's up?"

"Hmm?"

"You're off, and are your eyes red?" How can he tell when he's been here with me for literally two minutes?

"Of course, they are I'm exhausted with work. But I'm also ecstatic, I mean, I finally got my almost dream job, in my dream area."

"I dunno you're probably right, I'm super jet lagged anyway, I'm never going to do so many hours of flying for a _beach_ again."

Once we reach my door, I'm surprised to find a plastic container filled with leftover lasagna, and two ciders. I smile, "Looks like Chloe made you dinner."

"I knew fifty-year olds' were awesome." He says swooping to grab it. Luckily, Ethan doesn't ask anymore questions that night. After a quick tour of the apartment, he gobbles the lasagna- despite always saying anything without meat he'd never touch- and then collapses into Kate's bed without changing.

I switch off his lights then go to my room to review the Jack footage. There's nothing, from Jack in his office, just him being obnoxious on the phone and doing work. Though Claire, despite me not noticing her filming at all- has successfully captured me being outwardly, uncomfortable while Jack consistently flirts and touches me at the bar. Capturing our abrupt ending and conversation after via audio, when we'd both forgotten to switch it off. This coupled with the recording I took today of mine and Jack's conversation is my first bit of evidence.

Hmm… I muse, I have an accomplice now. It somehow takes off a bit of the weight.

The high of this doesn't last long, soon I'm left laying on my pillow revelling in mine and Chloe's earlier conversation. Maybe she's right… If _he_ and I didn't work, it was because _he_ didn't want us too. I let an absent tear trail down my cheek on to my pillow.

I must have drifted though I don't know what wakes me up. I groggily check the time on my phone. It's just past six, but sleep evades me, so I get up and put on my jogging clothes.

 _Christian Grey,_ this name that once filled me with butterflies now coils my stomach in pain. _Can I let him go? Can I as a woman continue with my life, find a man, get married… Shit. It doesn't seem at all possible._ When I was with him whenever the thought of what if we don't work out came to mind. I'd push the thought far down, into the corners of my brain and heart and enjoy his company. I was sure I'd change him. Positive he'd want to change for me, for _u_ s.

I pause on the spot breathing heavily and resting my hands on my knees. _I can't believe you thought he'd change for plain, old Ana._

The third time I met him after he'd ask me to that coffee date, he'd told me to my face, that he doesn't do the whole 'girlfriend thing'. I was naïve thinking he'd want to change. _Probably with a new submissive right now,_ one of them taunts.

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side." I murmur resuming my stride more rapidly. I'm being negative, I tell myself with each ragged breath. This is basic post breakup stress, and sadness and… not eating… or sleeping. I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts.

Cold air courses past me drying my already parched throat while sweat gathers on my forehead and heat pools under my jacket. I wipe my forehead to keep hair tendrils from sticking to my face.

The classic music pounds, but my ears feel clogged and all I hear is my blood pounding against my ear. My heart beating frantically against my chest, the path in front of me blurs as I plunge into full speed rounding random corners. The only thing stopping me from going faster is my shrewd stepping and unpracticed breathing.

I continue running for what feels like longer than it should take to get back to my apartment. Finally coming to an abrupt stop when my legs weigh like lead and my vision momentarily blackens. I rip the earphones from my ears letting my hands rest on my knees.

I breathe deeply; in through my nose and out through my mouth. I know that, at least. I think wryly taking in my surroundings. I gasp, making my already screaming lungs feel like they're about to burst.

 _Escala._

"How the hell-" I stumble as I try to straighten up. I'd somehow made my way to Escala, standing across the street from the building staring at the absolute last place I'd want to be. That's when I feel it. The heavy feeling in my heart as if I'm having heart burn, as if my body knows it's betrayed me. My mind goes blank and I falter. I couldn't possibly go in, I turn to leave cursing my brain for even thinking this.

 _I'll walk._

And that's when I collide with him.

He grips my forearm as I stumble in to him to steady me and I freeze. His lips move, and I know he's trying to communicate but all I hear is ringing as if he's tolling a bell next to my ear while speaking.

I think I'm deaf. Wait, am I deaf? Like in that movie…

"Miss Steele?"

Nope, I'm good.

I inhale sharply regaining my bearings nodding quickly as if I've heard every word.

"Taylor. Hi." I manage, my heart racing for a completely different reason now. I look back at the building almost willing the door to stay closed. How pathetic would I look if he came out right now?

"Are you alright, Miss Steele?"

I nod wordlessly still looking at the entrance door for a few extra seconds, before meeting his eyes. He looks genuinely worried but let's go of my arm.

"What are you doing out here?"

 _Shouldn't he be asking you that?_

He lifts a bag wordlessly, and I blink taken aback. He's wearing clean cut, black pants and a long white sleeved button up shirt, not really shopping for groceries clothes. He looked every bit the same Taylor and I don't know why that made me smile.

"Gail needed milk for breakfast." He says, and I note how slightly embarrassed he sounds. Taylor, bodyguard extraordinaire getting milk at who knows what time and blushing.

 _He's eating._ I silently note. _Or at least drinking, milk's healthy._

"Um… I was jogging."

"I see, Miss Steele." He says. I'm overwhelmed with the urge to hug him, so I do. Sweat and all, I wrap my arms around his back and bury my face in his chest. Taylor stiffens but doesn't push me away, I hold him firmly in place. I don't know if it's because he reminds me of Ray and I really need my dad right now, or because he seems to care _just a_ little about my wellbeing. It might just be because he'll be with _him_ in a few minutes- a luxury I don't have.

I decide it's because of my new fondness for hugs. I feel a hand fall on my back, that's when I remember _who_ I'm hugging and pull back blushing furiously.

"Oh Taylor, I'm so sorry." His hand hovers in mid-air for a second longer before he regains composure. "It's just I – you – and-"

"It's quite alright, Miss Steele."

I can't help myself. "Is he-"

As if reading my mind, he shakes his head. "No, he's still inside." I sigh inwardly, not sure if I'm happy or not with the news.

"Okay." I say feeling suddenly lost. "I was heading about to head back." He nods and steps aside. "Goodbye Taylor." My shoulders loosen slightly with every step and I the air around me feels lighter for the few steps I make it.

"He's different without you."

He whispers it, so lowly that I almost don't hear it, but I know I do because the tears immediately pool in my eyes and I feel all the heat rush out of my body. Taylor is not an emotional person. I've summarized this in the short time I've known him. He talks when necessary, especially to _lowly_ submissives' like me who he knows are fleeting.

However, none of these factors register in the moment. I shake my head, and snort glancing back at him. I place my earphones back in my ears.

"Then where is he?" His face is stoic, emotionless and while the music blares in my ears I watch his mouth for any reply. After a few seconds I nod slowly, turning away. The voices all stand ready to voice their opinions. I glare at them until they sit down.

* * *

 **Whoa Taylor! I know right, were you expecting someone else? Me too! I miss Christian so much. However, I've decided to let you decide how Christian and Ana should reunite, I have a chapter all ready for how I think they should meet again. If any of you come up with something I like better I'll happily use it.**

 **So review!**

 **Sorry for any grammatical errors but I'm glad you're all enjoying the story so far. I'll keep writing hard for ya'll because every review literally fills me up with so much joy.** **We reached 200! Thank you so much for that. I really was hesitant to post this story and I'm so glad I did.**

 **xoxoIvoryxoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

_Recap:_

 _Anastasia's had a bad feeling about Jack Hyde since her first day at SIP and since her relationship is over, she had nothing else but him to focus on. So, with new friends as support systems such as Chloe Vegmont and Adam Bereado she works on healing herself. With Claire Vry and Sarah Wilson she embarks on discovering and exposing Jack's secret. However trying to get her life in order proves harder than she thought. She creates a clear divide between the two big influential men in her life; a list on how to get over Christian Grey and multiple ways to win against Jackass Hyde._

 _With the stakes stacked against her, the rising stress, voices and fear is constantly threatening to pull her under. No matter what arises with Jack her mind is constantly on Grey._

 _Last time on Paging Ana_

 _Ana finally feels like she finally has the upper-hand when she cashes Christian's cheque. Using it as a means to use against Jack; a_ _camera set up ready to film Jack's cunning without detection while also gaining an ally in receptionist, Claire Vry. She finds a new fondness in embraces and quite literally embraces them from Claire, Chloe, Ethan and even Jason Taylor himself. Who made a surprise appearance in the last chapter._

 _Question on everybody's mind... Where is Christian Grey? And is Anastasia Steele going crazy?_

 **Sorry I've been gone so long.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight: Seattle Independent Publishing**

The water runs cold.

It strikes like tiny ice shards against my skin inciting a tingly, cool awareness. It's comforting, to focus on the lovely feeling of the water running smoothly down my skin. As if it were washing away the memories of early this morning of Taylor and what he said. As if it teamed with my characters rallying to push _him_ out of my mind.

 _Oh, how I embrace my situation with Jack when I need to escape this feeling of want and pain._ Once, I read that danger and adversity have a strange way of creating alliances… "And while these may be tenuous and cautious. Thus, easily broken when the truth might come up, it is such tenuous trust that makes us do what must be done." I quote.

That's why I hugged Taylor he's a good, stable entity that somehow seems completely connected and un- connected to my life. The gnawing hole makes me stagger with pain, so instead I tilt my head back to contemplate the quote more. Maybe that's why Sarah Wilson shares her story, feeling that connection to me and the other women; the best version of alliance she can muster. Is this what makes Claire finally decide to see what's happening and help me? She finally acknowledged the danger. _Can I trust her?_

The water cascades down my face through my soapy hair and down my back. I'm conflicted in in almost every aspect of my life. Fining myself often questioning my plans, motives, tact, friends… and yet in all the madness, numbness, extending-never-ending dark-void, the truth is I like having a determination.

I was in a tunnel, one of darkness and no hope whatsoever. One, I'm sure had no end but now I had a flashlight it flickered and you had to smack it sometimes for it to work, but it was my determination. It was making me feel not exactly hopeful, but it was better than the pain. It reminds me why I'm doing this, the adversity that is Jack Hyde. I'm connected to every single woman that came before me and would come after me. I see their faces fearful and confused. Their bodies bruised, in pain and their silent screams as he no doubt silenced them- Opening my eyes I see a small boy with the same expression mirrored on his face. "Stop Anastasia.' He whispers barely audible against the loud water. I'm locked into place, frozen by the strange familiarity of his voice. It was a soft, beautiful voice- somehow full of fury. It was _his_ voice- but didn't knock me to my knees, cause pain instead sent a shuddering force through me that made me almost feel awake… clear. I shake my head at him.

"You're going to get yourself hurt." The shudder continues making me ever so aware of the cold, cold water that pelted me. I fall back against the shower door in shock, turning to push it open until I fell stark naked on my hands and knees breathing deeply. I look again back to the boy and find nothing.

 _What was that?!_ "How would I know, if you don't?" Panting, gasping the characters look at me with confusion eventually standing, staggering I realize it felt like him.

And I fall all over again.

He was right there I violently shake my head, trying to understand. I knew he wasn't there, and yet it was him. _Same concern, care and crass._

Once dressed and ready I realize how early it is, deciding to take the spared time to make a large breakfast for dozing Ethan and I. A large meal of scrambled eggs, toast, bacon and sausages and a heap of pancakes. As well as a enough banana smoothie to feed the whole apartment building. _'He's different without you.'_ The words ring in my head as I take a large gulp from my glass. If only he knew how deeply those words worked in reverse.

Maybe I'm having some kind of hallucination. Triggered by his memory and the strange familiarity of this, a crazy situation. I ran through the possibilities quickly in my head. The question was why? I had two possible theories. One: I was crazy. It made perfect sense when you consider it since I've left him, I'd been hearing voices in my head. This one could be a materialization.

Possible.

Two: My mind was giving me what it thought I wanted. Momentary relief from pain by embracing the idea that if he was here, he'd care about what I did, be bothered by something bad happening to me and immediately intervene. Just like the night I got drunk, selling my car- he always showed he cared in the strangest ways.

Also possible.

"There's no three, is there?" The piece of pancake on my fork covered in strawberry jam doesn't respond. I chew the morsel of food while stabbing at the fluffy surface still on my plate. I had to be the second one, just my mind running rampage, rather than something I'd need to be seriously concerned about.

However, if that were the case my reaction... was hardly sane… _I answered_. My immediate answer was to talk to him, argue with him. "How did this happen?"

I tried not to think of him, forced myself. It's something I tried to be very strict about. Of course, I slipped, it was just a slip. Just like I couldn't control my dreams about him, or seeing his face everywhere Tears drip on to the plate and I quickly bite off the piece on my fork, wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeve.

I wasn't even smart about it, didn't run away- from this possible damaging and mentally unstable development. It would be stupid to encourage this, but I hadn't run my body had reacted to the water and tirade of emotions- I ran from that, immediately checking if he was still there. I dab at the mess on the plate, new droplets falling in place of the ones I've cleaned. My subconscious peeps up at me, her demeanor soft and sensitive as she says some or another thing. I snort at her but, she's soon covered by the others offering similar condolences.

* * *

"Morning Jack." My lips instructively lift into a smile.

"Morning honey." The smile falters as his hand squeezes my shoulder it lingers, only coming off when he's walked past me ignoring the coffee in my hand.

I purse my lips before meandering behind him. "Hey Ana." He moves to his filing cabinet, grabbing some files and moving them to his desk. "I need you to re-schedule my appointment with Mike Walles, we'll be meeting with the big guys later on and I need you to come along to take notes."

He glances at his buzzing phone then violently throws it down on to his desk. I jump, the coffee almost slipping from my fingers. "Sorry honey didn't mean to scare you. It's just there's something happening with the company. The accounts are frozen, they're questioning business trips it's a big fuck up."

I tilt my head inquisitively, "Really? Is it anything to be worried about- like are we talking fraud, bootlegging, laundering?" I try not to pause slowly tapping my fingers against the sides of the cup. "Harr…ass…ment."

Jack chuckles gesturing behind me. "Close the door."

"W-what?"

He puts down the phone resting both hands on his desk, he locks me in place with a stare. "Close the door and I'll tell you." He re- gestures.

"Oh okay," Hesitating I close it shut. "Is it a secret?"

He beckons me forward until I'm at the front of his desk. "Listen," He glances around as if someone would be hiding here, in his open plan office. "I'm really not supposed to say anything, it's on the down-low right now."

I finally set down the cup on his desk. "That's alright then."

"I mean, it is kind of an important secret but I feel like I can trust you, Ana." All I can focus on is not looking at the camera, I feel as if I can see the blinking red beep of it from the bookshelf. I eventually just lean in and Jack's eyes brighten with mirth.

"It's nothing like a scandal, the company's being bought out."

"What?" I lean closer the musk of his cologne going straight up my nose, it's like he bathed in the scent creating more of a serious BO than anything else. "So, SIP is gone and we're all losing our jobs?" The thought utterly and completely devastates me, I'd have put up with Jack for no reason at all and I still didn't have anything linking him and Elizabeth or his previous PA's. I couldn't let him leave, continuing this behavior elsewhere. Claire and I had set out a huge plan to catch him in the act, as well as Elizabeth. I had planned on calling my dad and Sarah Wilson on the subject later.

Jack takes in my expression taking on this leery smirk, "Don't worry honey. I'll protect you." I watch as he rounds the desk before I can realize what's happening, he's trying to embrace me. I spring back in shock fixating a hard stare on him as he continues advancing. "Mr. Hyde what are you doing?" Foot after foot backing away steadily.

"It's alright Ana, I just want to comfort you."

"I'm okay, It's fine, really please." I stick an arm out in a plea for distance. "T- That's really inappropriate I'd feel un-comfortable if you did." I'm ashamed at my wavering voice.

He stops analyzing me thoroughly. I'm sure I look manic- my arms still outstretched, my back pressed against the door and I'm sure my eyes are wide, The terrifying expression's back as he runs his thumb over his lip in satisfaction at me, my reaction pleases him.

"Damn you're a tease." I'm aghast at the comment- my characters all in shock at him. It was mumbled, muffled by a laugh even, but I'm sure he said it.

I can't help it, "Excuse me? Did you just call me-"

"Anyway," He turns with a dismissive wave of hand. "The possible new owners are coming in today, they're meeting with all the important people here to outline some stuff about the company- staff, funds, etc." Jack finally grabs his coffee from the desk and takes a long gulp.

"Who knows how long it will take so… I'll need you there to take note just bring my laptop with you." I nod, still shaken at what's just transpired, the fact that he's acting as if nothing happened just now. He glances down at his watch, "They'll be here just after lunch so don't be late because you're canoodling with whoever it is, you're going out with now."

"I thought you said it was on the down low. If only the top people should know at this stage, how would it make sense for me to be there?"

"Just do as your told, Ana." A memory of a certain CEO saying those same words on occasion. It's weird how I can no longer remember when or where, just him and his voice. "Also, after the meeting don't forget to try and book our tickets. Maybe, the accounts will be back online."

"Hmm?" I ask.

"Our tickets." He sighs as if I've exhausted him completely. "For that Commissioning Fiction Sympo-sium in New York, Friday, remember?"

"Oh, I've booked your ticket and hotel already." Despite, what his exasperation may be with me. I've stayed on top of if not ahead of Jack's schedule since I've started. I had all the preparations in place since the previous Friday before he's even told me about the trip.

"And yours? I need my assistant to come "Yeah, we'll need to go Friday morning and stay overnight. I think you'll find it a very educational experience." His eyes darken as he says this, but his smile is polite. "Would you make the necessary travel arrangements? And book an additional room at the hotel where I am staying? I think Sabrina, my previous PA, left all the details handy somewhere."

"Yes sir." I say hastily.

"You know how to type fast and listen, right?" I smile hopping desperately, that it doesn't look like a grimace. "Of course, sir."

"Good, I didn't hire no blonde. You can go." He pauses pointing at the cup. "Oh and bring me a new coffee this one's cold. You really must work faster." The only thing running through my mind are his continuous, outrageous comments. _My best friend is blonde and happened to be one of the smartest people I know_ \- I don't say that, instead opting to pick up the coffee and leave.

Later at lunch, two chai teas rest in front of Claire and me. I pluck my third bakery dessert from the plate of mini- Cinnabon's that lay between us. It's dosed in chocolate, cinnamon and sugar while usually I wouldn't eat such a sweet treat, right now, while my mind is literally processing information a mile a minute it really hits the spot.

"So, he tried to hug you?" Claire asks nursing her tea in both hands her eyes wide with curiosity. "He just came at you?"

"It was frightening." I swallow the bite. "I thought I'd just freeze up, but I practically leaped out of his reach, had to keep spurring him from coming any closure."

"God! I'd probably freeze up." She cringes. "Anyway, what now? New York are you going? What about Elizabeth?" Claire and I sit in silence for some time contemplating this, when my phone starts buzzing. I hold up a finger to Claire who nods immediately texting away at her phone.

"Ana, hi." My heart swells with love and adoration, it's so sudden and foreign that my body reverberates with this over-whelming feeling. "Daddy!" I cry in shocked joy at hearing his voice

"Wow, what's wrong? You sound way too excited to hear from your old man."

"I just miss you so much." I say tears springing. "It's been so long since I've seen or talked to you. How are you?"

"I'm doing good Ana, how are you and how's that new job of yours?" His voice is gruff, so familiar that I feel my childhood resurfacing. Replacing my conflicted thoughts and doubts with memories, so many beautiful memories of _Lucille_ and morning records. "It's alright, everything is just fine- dandy even." That sounded false to my own ears.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" My throat tightens, Claire seems to be trying very hard not to eavesdrop glancing up at me every few seconds. "I-I need… your help daddy." It comes out unwillingly unbidding. "I c-can't do it by myself. I- I can't handle-"

"Ana," The switch can be felt no matter how far he is. The single word soothes me more than anything thus far my have. My hands stop shaking, my heart slows causing my breathing to regulates From father to militant approach- Ray sometimes had a hard time juggling between the both and usually did a good job combining them.

"What happened? What needs to be done?"

Claire is making five different signs telling me to stop talking. "Uh, I.." I stutter. She's right, my dad was the last person I'd want to tell about this. He'd fly straight down trying to help me in every way he can. I needed to do this, without him knowing.

"It's this new client, his book is impossible to understand. He's crazy with details and plans and wants me to do all this research on abuse and trying to save yourself with no proof."

"Come on, sweetheart don't get so over-whelmed. It's still the early stages of work."

"I can't dad, it's my first big project. I have to impress them otherwise I'll never grow in this company." I was so disappointed in myself, how easy it is to lie to my dad. "Of course, my smart girl," He lets out a laugh. "I may know a thing or to about this type of thing."

"I know. Help me." Claire cranes her neck to hear the conversation. "What's he saying?' She whispers basically on the table whilst digging through her bag at the same time.

"Jeez, hold on," I glance around the empty café, before putting the phone between us on low loud speaker. "Hey dad, you're on with Claire as well she's my… partner in all this." The next half-hour, Claire and I sit in relative silence as she scribbles furiously note after note that my dad tells to us. I feel so stupid not having thought of these things before as he mentions them. "Lastly, the don't trust so easily theory." I lift my eyes to hers.

"That whole everyone around you could be against you, it's true. Deception is dangerous and should always be watched carefully." I pull the phone away from where it rests between Claire and I, switching it to my other ear. "Thanks daddy, I need to start work in a bit but, I'll call you later. There's so much I miss."

"Ana, I'm serious about that last part. I sat through all those teen movies with you; this new partner of yours make sure she's not trying to have the upper hand in this deal. We're all just trying to make it after all and you, darling, who trusts too easily. Sometimes that gets you into situations." I glance back at Claire who sips at her tea in wait. Me finding out about Jack is a dangerous situation for him and all those involved, could Claire be involved? "Okay." I say turning away again and ducking my head. "I'll call you."

"I'll take the next plane down if you don't." I keep the phone pressed to my ear.

"I love you."

"I love you, Ana."

Claire slides the notebook to me, "Your dad is one cool mother fucker."

"I know." I smile looking over the notes. The plan we had, coupled with what my dad said made the plan feel foolproof. Jack had to incriminate himself and he was already well on his way. It's tactful; putting the right people in the right places, asking the right questions with innocence, gaining information in general ways. I relay all this to Claire.

"Discreet and smart." She nods in agreement. "He has these habits of being too clingy and close. He calls me honey, other pet names its constant small things. I just keep acting normal, maybe hesitant and off-putting as well."

"Okay and Elizabeth?"

"Elizabeth…" I say carefully trying to phrase it properly. "Remember how I told you they're in cahoots?" Claire nods her braided bob bobbing. "I'll casually mention that Jack wants to take me to New York, hopefully then she'll go to his office and talk to him."

"Talk him out of it?"

"I don't know… I can't tell with her." Thinking back to the day that Elizabeth sat crying in her office. "She might be afraid of him while still helping him. At least that way we'll have something on her."

"Okay that'll work." Her acrylic nails tap against the wooden tabletop. "And... there's that meeting today?" She trails off thoughtfully then in a spew of spit and food she yells.

"It's perfect!" Some occupants turn to stare at us, "Shh, what is?"

"While you're in the meeting I'll sneak into Jack's office." I gape at her, she can't be serious. "You can't do that."

"When will we have another opportunity?" She says, chewing open-mouthed. "He always keeps that place locked like a safe, his laptop has a password and security code- he'll probably let you use the Guest account to take whatever notes."

"How do you know all that?"

She shrugs nonchalant continuing to eat. I look at her skeptically but she only meets my eyes with seriousness. "He must have the password main login somewhere in there, something incriminating- we're going on fumes."

She's right… "Okay. Do it."

"Yes boss," She salutes me before cleaning her hands on the napkin. "Speaking of bosses can you believe who's coming in today?" Claire clasps her hands together in an obvious display of excitement that I'm supposed to share in.

"The possible new owners of SIP." I say falsely matching her excitement. She rolls her eyes and I shrug, "What it's true."

"Ana, that deal has been in the making for a while- it's a done deal SIP is bought." My tea diverts from its path down my throat.

"W- what?" I choke.

"Yeah our new bosses are coming in today to dot the eyes and check the merchandise."

Claire rolls her eyes again, for the first time I feel my hand twitching and understand the urge to punish. I immediately dismiss the thought with a horrified shiver. "That can't be…" I trail off glancing down at my watch. "But we're nearly late, come on." She rolls her eyes, grabbing her bag before following me out.

When we arrive back the office is in chaos. People are running around frantically, for what I can only assume is to prepare for the new bosses. "Jeez," Claire says jumping animatedly in place. "Looks like the news no one is supposed to know is out." I glance over at her beaming smile, "I wonder who told?"

"Claire? Did you tell everyone about the takeover?" I gape at her.

"Hey," She raises her hands in defense. "I love chaos, plus it's the perfect distraction. I'm helping." I open my mouth to reprimand her. "I better rush to the bathroom before it's too full." She fluffs out her braids dramatically.

 _How does she get any work done…?_ I wonder as she throws me a wink.

"I better look good for Grey maybe then I can get bumped up to GEH too." She twirls while flouncing away. I shake my head chuckling before whirling back. "Wait, Claire!" I call out dashing forward but a few other women from around the office are already surrounding her giggling excitedly.

 _Wait, she can't mean!_

 _Wait, it can't be!_

 _Wait! Wait! Wait!_

"Did she just say?" I turn only to find Hannah. Hannah Weber is another assistant, she started some months before me and works for Janet Grilents, the head publisher of the company. We've spoken a lot on joint coffee runs and fellow assistant- assistance. "Hey Ana, you okay?"

I blink at her. Her worried brown eyes scan me as she places a hand against my forward. "You look pale as a ghost." She immediately grabs me by my forearms leading me to my desk. I feel completely disconnected from all the frantic of the office, they all move past me in a slow blur. My sudden jostle is of Hannah placing a styrofoam cup in my hands.

"Do I call someone? Should I get Jack?" She moves to leave, luckily all my characters work in unison so as to move my hand forward. "No," I choke pulling on her jersey. "I just feel dizzy, I didn't eat at all today."

"God, you're shaking." She kneels beside me moving the cup to my lips. I let the warm, sugary water run down my throat. "What is this?"

"Little trick for when you're in shock" Her warm smile does nothing to appease me. "Works better than Coke or apple juice if you ask me."

"Thanks." I murmur sipping the water.

There's a sudden movement, a flurry then everyone's dashing towards the entrance in a flash of heels and excitement. "Oh shit," Hannah glances behind. "The _you-know-who-who-we-shouldn't-know-who_ is here."

My heart stops, all my body seeming to follow.

Hannah's lips continue to move, I strain to listen as my ears slowly fill with cotton. My nose immediately follows clogging painfully I part my lips open to breathe, I want to speak to interrupt her to let her know I can't hear her. My throat tightens, a million questions on my tongue but nothing comes out. There are no tears, only panic- my inner goddess springs to life. She pushes open the door of her sarcophagus leaping out in her bandages, twirling until she's unwrapped and gorgeous in new lingerie. I watch her silently as a bed materializes and she throws herself on it in wait.

"Can you not!" I snap. " Hannah stares at me bewildered, it's very apparent that I've interrupted her. "Sorry, I was just trying to help." She straightens clear confusion on her face. "I'll leave you to it." I can't for the life of me manage to open my mouth again.

 _God,_ I face palm. _I've literally become the crazy person of this office._

 _Not my fault,_ my inner goddess shrugs spreading roses on the bed _. I've been in hibernation._

I down the rest of my drink in one go. Then as I hear a jumbled mess of voices, impossible to distinguish from so far I duck in to Jack's office which is thankfully empty. I try to remember his instructions… um… laptop. I can't remember if there was anything else and take the laptop, but while at the door my hand on the handle I can't manage to open it.

 _It's been long enough._ My conscious teats. _You don't even have to acknowledge him, you're an assistant._ The dark voice and the white argue between themselves throwing me contradicting opinions. "You know you guys are becoming more and more unhelpful." They both glare at me before simultaneously saying, _It's time._

 _It's time to confront him_ , the dark one smirks.

 _It's time to talk to him,_ the white voice insists pushing the other behind.

"It's time to do my job." I ignore them. I keep the laptop pressed tightly against my chest swinging the door open. As I approach the meeting room as confidently as I can, my characters follow suit each materializing around me. They're strong, beautiful women who flag me like a powerful group, my confident floods and I knock on the door.

"Come in." I flush with embarrassment- I'm late, I steel myself pushing the door open. I map out the room out in my head, the meeting room at SIP is small and the table can sit a maximum of 10 people. There are usually chairs on the wall for assistants to sit to take notes, that is where I will sit, behind Jack. At the head of the table is most probably where he'll be, so I need to look there last to survive.

"Oh Ana," I hear Jack say as I enter. "Good of you to join us, we were just about to start." I finally lift my eyes and the first person I see is Jack Hyde, the second is Ros Bailey- I know it's her because I remember him telling me about her vaguely. She sits in the head chair… _not him._ I scan the rest of the room. He's not here.

"Sorry, I'm late sir." I try not to let the my emotions overtake me. I try not to look desperately at each person's face five times to make sure. I try not to pathetically sink to the ground because of this expanding pain that rises within me

 _Where is he?_

 _What the hell?_

My inner goddess can only stare at the site, at the door behind me she collapses into a fit of hysterics as the others all surround her.

"Who's this?" Ros Bailey asks her hand going to her temple in frustration. "I thought we made it very clear how private this meeting was supposed to be. However, on entrance we were met by your entire office." She gestures to the woman sitting next to her. "this is supposed to be a _silent_ negotiation."

"This is Anastasia Steele, my assistant." Jack looks immediately panicked and is obviously at a loss. "I was just dropping off Mr Hyde's laptop for the meeting." I say hesitantly. "And picking up coffee orders."

Ros Bailey and the woman next to her immediately regard me differently they exchange a look then turn back to me. I think her name is Andrea, his personal assistant. It's just them, two people from GEH came, no more.

"Correct, Miss Steele." Jack's relief is in every word. "Go grab Hannah, get some coffees for everyone bring sugar along with you." I nod trying to control myself from asking anything. "Okay, eight cups coming up"

"Three weak, four with milk and one black."

Beau Willis tells me not looking up from his papers. Beau Willis is the Vice President of Marketing and Publicity. I nod absently still looking at them all as I hand Jack his laptop; Elizabeth Morgan, Jack Hyde, Jerry Roach, Kay Bestie, Ros Bailey, Andrea, Janet Grilents and Beau Willis

I leave pressing a palm to my neck in embarrassment. _God, Jack Hyde is an idiot._ I trail off starting on the path to the kitchen. _God, I'm an idiot, he didn't even come._ I turn and lock the door behind me without thinking before pressing my back against it and breathing out.

"Uh, Ana?"

"Shit!" I gasp. "Oh, Hannah," Damn, when will the embarrassment end. "I'm so sorry," Getting to my feet I unlock the door and step away from it. Hannah looks at me puzzled but I think she's decided to embrace my crazy.

"Um… so how many coffees?"

"What?" I ask still moving uneasily away from the door.

"The coffees, Janet told me we'd be in charge of that earlier on."

"Right, eight… Christian Grey's not here."

She leans against the counter top eyebrows raised at me. I hear the low hum of the kettle starting to boil. She chuckles, "Oh God, did you see the disappointment parade out there when the CEO himself didn't show."

Hearing it out loud made it feel realer, so I repeat it. "Christian Grey isn't here?" I chuckle, a hysterical and nervous laugh.

"It's like we missed out on Tom Cruise." She laughs turning to get the mugs from the top cupboards. I spring into action as well getting the trays setting up saucers and varieties of sugars, sweeteners and all. My hands shake as I follow the instructions from Mr Willis, pouring the right amounts of the coffee into the cups as Hannah places them in front of me.

"Alright," Hannah says grabbing the tray with sugars, milk and three cups of coffee leaving me with the other five. "Ready?"

I hesitate willing myself calm. "Yeah." I hear Jack groan a loud, "Finally." as soon as we enter. We begin maneuvering around the room I lift my eyes occasionally to see who I'm serving. They continue the discussion murmuring quiet 'thank you's' as we set them down.

"The process is very simple; we just overview the current staff list and see what's necessary in changes." Ms Bailey says. I chance a glance and see her shift a page on the table. "We check to see if you're over staffed in areas, under staffed, salaries, etc. For example, right here you're Human Resources department only has a head and two employees."

I set Ms Bailey's coffee in front of her "Uh, thanks Ana- is this black, extra strong?".

"Yes." I answer. She called me Ana, as if she knew me personally. "No problem." I say coolly following Hannah out of the room. "That wasn't terrible, right?."

I sigh nodding in agreement, because I don't trust myself to speak. "Thanks for the help." I say. "No problem," Hannah says taking the tray from my death grip. "I'll take care of these," She eyes me with a weary smile. "You take care of you."

I nod again, we part ways as I head for Jack's office and Hannah to the kitchen. Wasting no time, I barge into Jacks office to find Claire arm deep in Jack's file cabinet looking like a kid with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Ana, you scared the shit out of me!" She gasped, before letting out a nervous laugh. "What are you doing here? The meeting?"

"Jack messed up once again." I sigh. "Higher ups only." She nods then goes back to searching.

"You find anything?" I ask moving for the camera at the bookshelf.

"You'll never believe." She pauses glancing down at a file before returning it. "A printed list of all his past secretaries. It was folded up in the corner of the top shelf, I wouldn't have even seen it if I wasn't checking the corners. Some names are crossed out and highlighted, I already put it back but took some pictures." She says closing the third cabinet and dropping to her knees to dig through the last one. "I've only been through these cabinets though."

"That's great." I fiddle with the latch on the candle holder, removing the crystals to get the camera out.

"What are you doing?"

"Documenting," I feel like a jumbled mess as I hold the camera moving to Jack's desk, opening drawer after drawer and shifting through them. _This is illegal,_ The white voice hums. _This is most probably a bad idea._ I ignore her glancing at the door before trying another drawer immediately on top of a pile rests handcuffs. Furry pink and relatively old handcuffs. I lift them with shaking hands images of being similarly tied springing to mind. Velvety fabric instead of this steel bite, I drop them with a shudder.

"You find something?" Claire asks coming over. "Oh lord… that's creepy." She kneels beside me and offers be a comforting squeeze. "Check it out," She says moving the handcuffs to the side. "It's your file."

I look down and sure enough Claire's taking my employee file out, two wayward pictures slip from the document. She continues flipping through the file and we see certain words highlighted and circled. I click to take pictures page by page as the camera continues to roll. I try the last drawer, it won't budge. _Typical._

"Did you see any keys over there?" I ask tracing the key holes of the drawer. Claire's rushes to the table across from me piled with books and files. "Um…" She looks at the bowl of trinkets. "There's literally tens of them."

"Just pick one!" I urge her.

"Seriously, Ana." She turns to me frowning. "We can come back after hours and try every key. This meeting could end any minute."

"No, I was just there, they're just getting started."

"We're looking for his passwords, remember?"

"Claire! I need to find something here!" I don't look up tugging at the drawer, not caring if it breaks. _I need this! I need this!_ "Would you calm down? We can come back later; we have a few things already." I don't like the way she's looking at me. "It's not a big deal."

I gape at her from my crouched position. "It's not a big deal? Really, Claire. Yeah it's so not a big deal that my boss is trying to rape me." I say holding up my pictures up at her.

"It's your employee pictures, not really proper evidence is it."

"You're kidding me, right now!" I put the pictures back and straighten the file returning it to it's drawer and slamming it shut. "If you don't want to help leave." I stand put the camera on the table top and literally pull the bowl away from her.

"Ana?" Claire groans. "Ana, wait! You're not thinking clearly." I ignore her, too bombarded with doubt. "You're scared and I get that, but don't do this."

"Do what?" Grabbing the pile of keys, I take them over to the drawer and squat trying each one. "Drag me into this then suddenly not trust me." She says crouching right next to me, gripping my hand. "Let go."

"You're shaking." _I am?_ "Ana I'm here, I'm trying to help."

"You know what? You're right I never should have dragged you into this. Never should have forced you into doing the _right thing_ when it's obviously something you don't want to do."

"Ana, don't get all high and mighty on me now."

"Excuse me?" My rage with this whole situation boils over. "Claire, how can you accuse me of anything? You sat behind your desk and never confronted what was happening right in front of you- you all have." I wrench my hand out of hers attempting another key but I keep missing the hole.

"You chose what you wanted to see." I cry but for the first time no tears fall. 'You looked, and looked and never saw anything, chose not to see. I know you have a family and people in your life to protect but, what if it was one of your sisters in my position right now. Would you still harbor the truth?" I throw the key down, meeting her eyes.

"Ana- I didn't know." Tears brim in her eyes. I feel terrible but can't stop despite seeing the heavy guilt in her.

"A truth that's dangerous, _secrets_ are monsters. They block out people, hurt people and their poisonous." She wipes her eyes. "Are we still talking about Jack here? Because it sure as hell sounds like some personal bullshit."

"Leave me alone Claire." I grunt.

"Fuck, these damn keys." Claire starts picking them up. "What are you doing?"

"Putting them back. You're not thinking straight; we'll check his bookshelf then we have to go." I can't lift my stare from the key hole.

"Ana!"

"Honestly Claire, you seem like a good person and I want to trust you but you did something wrong."

"I didn't _fucking_ bring the girls to him!"

"You not looking deep enough at a _strange_ situation is wrong! I barely trust my heart and mind; how can I trust you!"

"I'm here! I'm trying! This situation is terrifying, of course, I'll try to diffuse this every chance I get because it's a fucked up, terrifying situation... but I'm here."

My mind spins. _He's not. He's not here. Where is he?_

She waits for me to say something then grabs the camera, "Come on," I stagger and join her at the shelf, silently taking down book after book, flipping through them then putting them back.

"This is hopeless," I murmur. "He's too smart."

"There has to be something, hollowed out book, notes." Once we search the expansion of the shelf, we spend some time reorganizing the office and placing the camera back in the candle holder. "You okay?" Claire asks as I walk her back to reception. "Yeah, thanks for the help."

"I just want you to know I'm on your side."

"It's okay, the situation _is_ crazy I understand." Claire loops our arms together her face is bright with delight though her eyes are red from tears. "I'm so glad, I want us to stay a team." I feel terrible, Claire is obviously trying her best, I need to learn to trust her.

"We are a team, right?" I try to lift my face to mirror hers.

"We are a team…" I trail off glancing up at the sudden figure in our path, slight smile still trickling away. I take a faltering step back and it's that same feeling from this morning hitting me in tenfold. I'm suddenly aware of Claire's sweet perfume, of her warm skin against mine it's nice against the cool breeze coming from the front door. I shiver, then again... he was here.

"Christian." I whisper.

His name burns my throat as if he might vanish from me simply saying it aloud. I realize my imagination, my dreams even my little boy hallucinations have done him absolutely no justice, in fact it was utterly flawed. Only seeing him now could I remember how beautiful he is; his glistening eyes, the shape of his jaw, such details I had forgotten to appreciate. He wears a dark blue suit, no tie, his undershirt a white open collar and it moved with the wind blowing, I couldn't move as I watched him speaking angrily into his phone while walking from reception to my office floor- to me.

I'm trembling… "Ana?" No, I realize Claire's just been shaking me by my shoulders.

"Yes." I manage unable to look away.

"Don't be weird about this, he's going to be your new boss. You should greet him, get in before the other interns." I have no clue as to whether Claire is still speaking or not because at that very moment the last nine days of torment have meant nothing. And his words from that night. And the fights and anger. And everything in between and before are obsolete

Grey meets blue and I come undone.

* * *

 ** _Guest:_ Sorry you're not a fan I realize this story isn't for everyone.**

 ** _Totie:_ On it.**

 ** _dorisalynne2003:_ I'm sure his booty hasn't stopped thinking of ways to get her back.**

 ** _Shazjackmeg:_ I've always thought that Ana should be the one to go to him, when she's ready but you never know.**

 ** _velosews_ : I'll definitely try and convey how Christian felt during all this. However, I've always considered Christian to complex to write, I wouldn't want to mess it up.**

 ** _pepe71_ : Glad you like it I really appreciate your kind words.**

 ** _Tammyken:_ Thank you ever so much.**

 ** _my-completeness :_ Taylor's so necessary to me, glad you liked his little cameo.**

 ** _Jen1072 :_ Sorry you had to wait so long.**

 ** _joangoldman9 :_ I love that you always comment. Anyway, no doubt Christian has been thinking of ways to "accidentally" bump into Ana. I have no doubt he'll find a way soon.**

 ** _Guest:_ Thanks so much for the constructive writing advice. The 'too' thing is something I struggle with.**

 ** _cwalk74:_ Taylor would make such a good addition to the squad.**

 ** _Cindra:_ Claire is like a teenage girl, she wants to help but doesn't seem to realize or understand the gravity of the situation. Taylor is not the type to keep quiet about strange situations.**

 ** _Bworms1980:_ Chris with a submissive? It's definitely the latter.**

 ** _fundays:_ Thank you for the review!**

 ** _Belbel1213:_ Oh no, I don;t think Christian would throw it in her face at all. I think he'd completely take over and have it handled in a day- For Ana, a lot of what you wrote is true but there's always more to the story.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Let's talk about it**

It hurts, the pain, a tender ache throughout my entire body.

Despite the ache resonating from my skull, the mere thought of moving to rectify it is unbearable. The intense ringing and echoing hum completely disorientates me. The voices clamber over each other in a fit, making it impossible to tell if they were coming from inside my head or not. My only defense is squeezing my eyelids tightly shut allowing the swirling black to momentarily consume me.

In the distance is one singular voice, that won't stop. Slowly it gains momentum until the others fade behind its louder calls, "Anastasia?" And it's _his_ voice.

It's in the firmness and commanding attitude it demands. Ultimately confirmed by the soft ripple that fills me, lessening the pain if only for a second. He repeats my name again, the word caressing my ears and the black now floats, with soft white blots.

I'm dreaming, _of course_. It all made sense now.

This whole terrible day has been an abysmal nightmare and would now transform into a prized dream. It felt strangely real as if he was trying to rouse me. Still, that wouldn't make sense my dreams know I'd rather stay in this floating state, no matter how painful this felt. Dream _him_ should know this.

"Anastasia, are you okay?" He's worried again. Then same as this morning as soon as his worry hits me, my sensations return tenfold. The pain increases making me consciously aware of the slight metallic taste on my tongue, a coldness is pressing hard against my back even as the unbearable heat within me spreads. His voice offers a balm of relief then leaves me in this suffering state. I can't let this continue, knowing the consequence pain of awakening and knowing _he_ was never here to begin with, would put anything I was feeling now- in this dream state- to shame.

I try for what I'm sure is a shake of my head, trying to dispel the illusioned voice. Once I'm sure it won't personify into an image outside my head, I wrench my eyelids open then immediately close them because Christian _Trevelyan_ Grey is hovering above me.

It takes me half a second to realize that my mind has _obviously_ snapped. What a mistake, letting my imagination get so out of hand.

In the next half, I decide that as long as insanity has truly set in, embracing it is the only plausible choice. To enjoy these illusions while they were pleasant and then for the second time, _he's_ there. I blink once, twice trying desperately to take him in before he disappears. His copper hair and bright eyes don't surprise me. Nothing does, down to his supple lips, shaven face and chiseled features. It's how incredibly detailed he is that makes my breathing ragged, my imagination has outdone itself- here without question was the image of the man I love.

"Ow! Ow!" The slight lift of my head makes everything spin.

Something akin to relief graces his face, "Are you okay?" The smell of his breath, a heady intoxicating aroma forces me to look away. Claire's worried face is there, right next to him, along with what is soon revealed to be a small, group of people.

My fingers touch the cold tile of a floor- this is the SIP lobby. I'm exactly where Claire and I had been standing when we saw _him_ , except now I'm on the floor as well as the room blurred. Christian somehow stood stock still amidst the spinning image. A stable point willing me back until my vision slowly re-aligns returning to normal.

This is real life! I was about to talk to what I thought was _a dream Christian_ in front of a group of people I work with. "Jesus, Ana." Claire gently strokes my arm. I wonder if she knows she's personifying the exact words of embarrassment repeating in my head. "That was the hardest fall I've ever seen. Are you okay?"

"I fell?" My head throbs in response.

Jesus, Ana! As if everyone in the office didn't have enough reason to think you were crazy. As if Christian needs more reason to never look at you again. Alright, can't stay another second on this floor. Feeling relatively stable, I try getting to my feet, Claire quickly wraps an arm around my waist gently coaxing me up, "Come on, let me help you."

A jolt runs along my arms as Cristian's assists in supporting me. I accept it greedily not knowing how long the lovely feeling would last. "Are you all just going to stand around? All anger and beauty he snaps to the crowd of people. "Somebody get her some water and a chair." Some of them, wide eyed and nervous quite literally scramble at his command. Watching them move, somehow makes me nauseous.

"Easy Ana, not so fast or you'll faint." Claire's voice is soft as she looks me over. All at once I'm placed in a chair, she kneels beside me on the floor checking me over. "Uh thanks, I didn't ... realize I had... fell."

"How would you? It happened so fast." A gravity presses against the throb, distress flickers across Christian's face as I cringe away from Claire's delicate touch. Quickly, I release his arm I hadn't realised I was gripping this entire time. He moves from his position leaned over me, crossing his arms.

"That was a whopper!" One of the male's snicker. "God, are you okay?" The group all murmur instructions and opinions, causing the pounding to increase. The drink of water quells the nausea but my stomach's fluttering won't desist as he watches me empty the glass.

"Look," Christian starts commanding everyone's attention He's in control even in this disorientated state that's glaringly obvious. "You should take her to first aid, get her some ice otherwise the pain will get worse." He's talking to Claire now. "However, any head injury should always be checked at a clinic or hospital. Do you know how to perform a basic concussion test?"

"I'm okay," I answer in Claire's stead who wordlessly, gapes up at him. "No hospitals."

"Um, Stuart is the resident first aider but he's out sick today." According to Claire this is 'cute guy from Human Resources!' since neither of us can remember his name. "I thought it was ironic." His quiet voice is barely audible to me, giving rise to slight panic of what my current wellbeing may be. "Claire's trained though, right?" He gestures to her.

She starts, blinking. "Right, right I am." I can't tell what's wrong with her; if it's shock or simply enjoying the dramatics of this whole situation. "I'll check her over then we'll see if a clinic is necessary."

Christian gives her a look filled with restrain and skepticism. Soon all my weight is leaning against Claire's side as she holds me. The others, few of alot of whom I recognize, offer me shoulder squeezes and kind words before wandering off. I thank them too disorientated to figure out appropriate answers.

It's quieter, that's when _they_ come back.

 _Christian's here._

Their collective voices rise in an ugly mesh of buzzing and ringing. The scene unfolds in a chaotic mess of my psychological living room. All matter of notes and pages thrown around the room as they yell at eachother. A flounce of dizziness hits me, my whole body momentarily sagging against Claire. Despite it all, they reveal the truth of me wanting to sink to the ground to rest. Christian would embrace me as I cry or sleep He'd reassure me with gentle strokes to my hair and everything truly would be alright.

"Thank you, Mr. Grey. I'll take care of her." Claire starts steering me away from him.

"No, wait, uh, thank you." His eyes transfix me, the rest of the words fly straight out of my head.

"Go quickly, Miss Steele. Don't want you to get worst." He runs his hand through his hair looking frustrated, his clipped tone dismissing me. The more steps we take away from the lobby, the more confused I feel. Claire sits me in a chair once we reach the kitchen.

"What the hell was that?" Closing the door, she rounds on me.

"Hmm?"

"Ana do not 'hmm' me, that romantic comedy scene I just fucking witnessed between you and Christian Grey." She opens cupboards in search of the first aid kit. Carefully my fingers run over the tender spot at the back of my head. "Claire, how'd I end up on the floor? What happened?"

"That's my question to you." A quick glance over the shoulder shows her my confusion. "Alright, so you saw Mr Grey froze for a second then turned around so fast your hair smacked me in the face. I thought you were nervous and running away which is understandable. But- you, I think you tripped or something cause then all I saw was you falling backwards."

She momentarily gives up the search turning to give me her full attention. This is the first time I've heard Claire speak so slowly. Despite the her regular theatrics and exaggeration she speaks while ensuring I understand. "You just layed there for a couple of seconds- _knocked straight out_. I mean I knew you weren't dead, but those seconds felt like hours waiting for you to move."

"My- uh, my heels must have slipped or I tripped... backwards?" A pain shoots straight up my right ankle as if giving a response.

"The way he reacted though…" Her brown eyes regard me questionably. "I've never seen a human dive so fast to catch someone. He called you Anastasia, how does he know your name? Unless from the intern list." Digging in the first aid kit, she produces an empty ice pack, twisting the top off then moving to the freezer. "Not to mention how on top of you he was, how worried he looked. I mean, come on, what was that tension?"

"Tension?"

"You and Mr Grey, it was so _there._ " She pauses then quickly shakes her head focusing on taking the ice out of the plastic bag. My mind races with a number of possible responses to give her but I don't trust myself to speak in this state. "I don't know, it felt like something, maybe I'm wrong. You know what? I'm not even sure what I was looking at."

She's sits next to me gently trying to feel the wounded area, when I cringe away, she presses the full pack against the spot catching me by surprise. "There we go."

I grit my teeth as the cold spreads, offering an immediate relief. "Wow, that feels so much better." A loud, relieved sigh unbiddenly escaping. She notices me massaging at my lower paines, calf muscle. "Here, hold the pack while I get one for your ankle." Easily she guides my hand in place before moving away.

"So…" Claire probes extracting a dish cloth from a drawer. "No tension?"

 _I signed an NDA,_ they remind me, "No Claire, I interviewed him once for my university's newspaper. It was just before my graduation which he also attended as our speaker. I guess we know each other."

"Oh, you never told me that." She drops a couple of ice blocks into the cloth, then twists it around in a spiral. "Didn't think it was important plus I'm so embarrassed about that interview- I asked him if he's gay." Kneeling down I remove my shoe Claire runs the cloth under water then proceeds to tie the damp cloth around my ankle.

Her full lips form a silent 'o' as she processes the information. "Yeah, awkward- my roommate wrote the questions out. He is not by the way and did not appreciate the question."

"That is definitely something that's important." She says shock evident in her voice as she sits down next to me. "And look at that you're retaining long term memories, I think that's a good sign."

"Yeah, might not be a concussion."

She groans eyeing the clock above the fridge. "I can't believe this day isn't over yet." Her tired form practically screams out as she buries her face in her hands. "Not to mention Remi's shift ended, almost two hours ago and she's covering for me. Now I have to work her Saturdays'."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh Ana," Claire waves me off. "I'm honestly just complaining to complain. Please, don't take it to heart as if you should apologise to me with all you're going through. What just happened was so scary- then there's Jack." Her face is wrinkled with concern.

I shrug. "It is, what it is."

"It's a lot in itself." We share a nod sitting silently for several minutes basking in the comfort of the only sound being the soft hum of the refrigerator. "You okay?" Her question held all the weight of the world. "I just want to make sure you're okay- that we're okay. I brought up all that stuff about Christian Grey instead of focusing on you and I think it was just me grasping at the 'normal' again."

"Diffusing the situation?"

"I guess so, yeah."

I want to tell her that it's all I was focused on as well. That instead of thinking about Jack all I can think of is Christian's possibly caring about my wellbeing. That it's okay to grasp on to these things even though it's not- I should only be thinking about taking down Jack. We were similar in this, whenever thoughts of Christian become too much I think of Operation Jackass and vice versa. It's my coping method and because what my mind did was far more toxic then what Claire does, how could I possibly fault her.

"You said it before the accident and I just want to make sure."

"We're good, I promise."

"Good," She embraces me, it's awkward with my hand on the ice pack but it's wholeheartedly welcomed. When she pulls back she's wiping tears, "Now I should get back because this place can't survive without me but we should do a quick concussion test."

"You know how to?"

She purses her lips nodding her head from side to side. "I have a Level 3, First Aid certificate from a few years back if that counts. Okay, no need for quick responses if you find yourself struggling don't strain yourself- gimme some type of ID." After some digging in my pockets, I find my employee card. "Ready?"

"Full name?"

"Anastasia Rose Steele."

"Oh, that's such a pretty name. Date and day?"

"Wednesday, fifteenth of June." I'm relieved that these questions are easy to answer, my mind only slightly fogged before it dissipates. The buzzing and ringing are now a distant lull. We continue like this for a few more questions, then she checks my pupil dilation with her phone flashlight and feels at the wound for bruising.

"Don't groan," She starts at my hesitant expression. "You should go see a doctor or at least go home- rest up." At my loud groan she relinquishes, "Despite my professional opinion I'll let you go if you promise to go get checked out later."

I give her a pointed look. "Am I one to put myself in dangerous situation?"

Then she leaves her dry chuckle trailing all the way out the door echoing in my head for several minutes after. Left alone I lay my heads down on my now folded arms, letting the ice sit on my head in that position. Eventually people start filtering in and out of the kitchen, some asking about my well being, most wanting to know how I know Christian Grey. Claire is obviously not the only one that noticed this 'imaginary' tension. I'm barely aware of what's coming out of my mouth something akin to what I told Claire. All I know is they leave impressed with me, envious of me in addition to some outright showing their disbelief in my answer.

I'm not interested in them. The characters aren't interested in them.

 _Christian's here._ We've established this isn't a dream and that I'm not going insane. I know he isn't here for me- he's here for SIP negotiations but... _why the hell did he buy SIP?_ The vixen is filled with rage. My ankle doesn't protest when I finally stand from my seat, emptying the now watery ice into the sink. "This has nothing to do with me, does it?"

There's no way Christian Grey was in the market for a publishing house, then in the same few weeks I start work acquires the publishing house that I just so happen to be working in. Is he keeping tabs on me? Spying on me like a little sexy spy master. No matter, how many times I run it in my head Christian buying SIP just sounded like a direct correlation to me.

"No, no, no," I appease myself, exiting the kitchen with no set destination in mind, Jack hasn't given me any work so I have nothing to distract myself with, "That can't be it."

"What can't be what?" A voice asks casually ahead of me. I jump, the resulting landing pain from my ankle has me stumbling to stay up. "Holy shi- ow!"

"The mouth on you." Christian eyed me amusement dancing in his eyes as he holds me up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just hurts a bit." I mumble insecurely. There's no one around us, this hallway only contained Beau Willis, Jerry Roach and Kay Bestie's offices and they were all currently in the meeting room. The meeting that Christian is supposed to be in. He hesitantly drops his hands from my waist without thinking, I reach out and grab one enclosing it in my own. This is real, him being here felt too good to be real. "Anastasia?" Our eyes meet and fuck, how does Christian keep doing this? By merely saying my name, he's managed to reach into my being passed the characters and everything once again taking control of my heart. A long, blistering moment passes, "Sorry." I drop his hand.

"Anastasia." He repeats.

"Stop saying my name." My heart unable to handle the feelings it evokes, "People around here are already making up stories."

"It's nice to see you too." He scowls then relaxes under my gaze. "I can't believe I've been in your presence less than two hours, but I've already had a heart attack, been snubbed, completely not understand a situation and been turned on." He contemplates then adds, "Not in that order."

I try not to over analyse his words, knowing this conversation will run through my head for days to come. "Well, this is definitely a reunion for the book of awkward reunions."

"Is that real?"

He waves me off, a serious mask clouding his features. "Ana, I'm going to this meeting because I really can't reschedule it. I called Taylor he's on his way to take you to the hospital."

I sigh suddenly filled with exasperation. "Wow..."

"What?"

"You haven't changed a bit have you." He raises an eyebrow at me, curiously. "Why would I change? Do you want me to change?"

 _Yes Anastasia, why would he change?_ The white voice asks. Y _ou loved him exactly how he was and he didn't want you._ My subconscious suddenly chimes in, _Shouldn't you be the one to change?_

They merely add to my anger. "Nevermind, I'm fine. Claire performed a test and I just need some rest."

"Yes, _Claire_ while seeming very professional does not have a doctorate, Ana." His tone, a mix of worry and judgement bothers me. "You lost consciousness, had a lapse of memory of what had _just_ transpired- that's worrying. You most probably have a headache, it's all symptoms you should take to a doctor and get checked over for." I stare at the floor in petulant silence, annoyed at my softening resolve. "Look, you have no idea how much I had to resist from picking you up and running straight to a hospital. Please just do this to appease my mind. I feel at fault since you were obviously running away from me... again."

A lump forms in my throat, my stomach twisting in a combination of his words and pure nausea. He clears his throat when I don't say anything in response. "The meeting is scheduled to take up most of the workday anyhow, so if it turns out not to be serious your boss won't even notice your absence. I much prefer you'd go home from the hospital, I have a feeling you won't want to do that."

"I'm not sure." I shrug, keeping my eyes to the ground. "I'll go to the hospital."

"Thank you." He breathes a content sigh. "You're less stubborn than I remember." The silly jab comes so unexpectedly that I look up at him with amused surprise.

"You're just as bossy." I scoff, his responding chuckle making me smile. "And there's that sass I've missed." My throat clogs in a way it only does when I'm holding back tears. As always when I'm with Christian a million questions come to mind, but there's a singular one now that I both dread and crave. "You miss me?" It comes out without my permission, my inner goddess pushing it to the tip of my tongue until I couldn't resist.

He looks perplexed then sighs. "You wouldn't believe how much." His hand suddenly touches mine holding it in a loose grasp of his pinkie to my index.

"Christian please," A cracked, weak voice responds. "Not here, you're supposed to be in a meeting." My eyes sweep the still hallway then suddenly remembering reason, I add. "I can't believe you bought the company I'm working in."

"I didn't _just_ buy it. We've been in negotiations for a number of weeks now."

"You're such a liar." I pull my hand back stepping closer to him. "You've most probably been in negotiations since the day I expressed interest in getting a publishing job."

"It was a premeditated buy." His cocky attitude pulls me in like honey.

"Oh, I have no doubt it was." My hands ball up in fists as we square off. "However, I think it had more to do with me than actual publishing." Irritation, frustration and that 'imaginary' tension floats between us. I haven't felt this light in weeks, I smile genuinely, still awaiting his response.

His resulting smirk only serves to make me smile wider. "Wow, I think I've met my debating match."

"It's barely a debate, I'm stating facts."

"You're sure you don't want to come work for my company? Even though I suppose you now are, I still think GEH would suit you well." Reality came crashing down onto me as I thought of the truth behind those words. I step back crossing my arms over my chest. "Please, go to your meeting."

"I'm on a phone call," He shrugs ignoring my change in mood, his hands now shoved into his tailored pockets. "At least that's what I told them." The comment makes me feel so at ease that I roll my eyes and laugh. An action that should mean so little, an insignificant characteristic in fact that I do so often it comes without thinking. I didn't even think about it and that's why it meant so much in this moment.

"Do it again." His lopsided grin surprises me.

"What no palm twitching?" Even said jokingly, the reminder of what he wanted and did to me when I rolled my eyes swept over us both. His smile thins followed by a long bout of silence. "Go now Ana, I wouldn't want the condition to get worse." I smile in response, unable to talk.

"Okay," Just as I'm rounding the corner, his hand wraps around my wrist.

"Anastasia," Christian's impossibly close when I turn to him. The clear draw in his brow makes me still, his perfectly shaped lips parting to speak. "Can I see you after this? Whether you're in bed and resting or… dinner… coffee even. I promise that this time I won't leave in a haste unless you ask me to."

"Yes, definitely." It comes with no hesitance. His expression is one of astonishment, then a gorgeous smile spreads across his face. "Okay great."

"Okay." My legs refuse to move, a fiery warmth spreading within me.

"Off you go." He releases me repeating the motion of shoving his hands into his pockets. I think it's a movement to control himself. I float past reception quickly informing Claire where I'm going on my way out. There's no shiny car to be seen anywhere and just as waiting seems the only plausible option, a dark blue Volvo steadily approaches from down the street. It stops in front of me, hazards on and I approach the black tinted windows.

Thankfully, Taylor's familiar face greets when I open the passenger side. "Hello Taylor."

"Miss Steele," He says in greeting putting the car in drive.

"Wow, she is beautiful," Sinking into the plush, white seat I run my hands over the shining, black dashboard. "Is it new?"

"Bought a few days ago. Mr Grey, was feeling in the mood for blue." Trying not to associate myself with the choice, I press my cheek against the cool of the seat breathing in the fine smell of the car.

"I heard you had quite the tumble."

I'm immediately thrown back to the night before when I practically attacked Taylor into a hug. God! I completely forgot that happened, maybe I do need to see a doctor. Taylor's stoic black suit ensemble and title makes me think of him as a silent comrade. Throughout my relationship with Christian he was polite, sometimes nice but altogether distant. Now as he says this, a realisation that during all of it- everything up until now- he could be as internally subjective as he wanted to be. He's paid to be stoic so he must have constant internal commentary especially considering his boss's lifestyle.

"Oh Taylor, I just realised you might actually think I'm crazy."

"Far from it." He says immediately.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did, I mean considering all of our interactions. I mean first I'm one of many sub-" Am I allowed to mention the BDSM thing to Taylor? His face remains emotionless as I try for a different word. "Substantial girlfriends in Christian's life. Then I'm almost always crying when you're around, I should give you back your handkerchief by the way."

"It's quite alright."

"Then there was yesterday…" Just as a rant is working its way out he clears his throat in way of interruption. "I don't judge you on your actions, Miss Steele. I'm aware that Mr Grey is a difficult person at times." A burst of dizziness hits me as he abruptly stops at a man hurriedly crossing the road despite the green light being on for cars. The seat belt stops me from bashing my head against the dashboard, but nausea is slowly building in the pit of my stomach.

"Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks so."

"I don't think anyone would disagree with that." Taylor says. "What happened last night was completely fine, Miss Steele. As for everything else, I guarantee you're attitude and grace throughout everything with Mr Grey was and still is inspiring." And just like that it was resolved. He managed to wrap it up in a couple sentence. If only his boss could be so easily handled, we wouldn't have any problems at all.

"Taylor, am I imaging it or is that a smile I see." An airy laugh escapes me as I regard his shifty silhouette.

"I believe you are imaging it and that I should accelerate this drive so a doctor can attend to you." My stomach lurches despite his easing forward. "L-Listen, firstly, I'm not crazy." He side eyes me. "But I am feeling kind of car sick so… where exactly are we going?"

"Virginia Mason Hospital, we're just a few minutes away." We drive in silence the rest of the way. My stomachs continued lurches with every tiny, shift keeping me from saying anything. Upon entrance to the hospital, I crouch over a bin emptying my stomach. Taylor holds my hair up despite my waving him away as I hurl. In that moment I regretted every last bit of food I ate today as they regurgitated out of me. A nurse, thinking my case must be serious takes down my information while he says them gruffly.

"Medical aid?" I try shaking my head.

"We'll be paying by card."

After the dry heaves that follow, I go to the bathroom to wash up. The pallid figure in the mirror goes ignored I as I scoop up mouthfuls of water. Jason awaits me outside with a sympathetic smile and a bottle of water. The room is relatively empty but those that saw me on the bin look at me with unease and poorly disguised wariness. As if they can judge, I see you guy with a fishing hook in his finger.

"God," I groan pressing the cool bottle to my head. "Why did I eat so much today..."

"How are you feeling, Miss Steele?"

"Embarrassed and nauseous." I murmur. "Thank you for holding my hair back."

"Not a problem. If it helps Mr Grey sends his regard, he's very worried."

"It doesn't." The smile comes without my consent. "It does a little bit." Taylor's comment of Christian has him in my mind for the rest of the hospital trip that passes in a flash of torturous, beautiful recollections. As I apologise to the nurse who must carry away my puke bin, I think of every time my stomach lurched when we were gliding in the sky. While being escorted to meet Doctor Fourne, my walking down the hallway to Christian's playroom, his office, his room comes to mind. I'm holding his hand, caressing his face or simply basking in his glow. The physical exam goes stellar and the questioning is much the same as Claire's.

"Okay, Miss Steele, lucky for you it's a mild concussion." Dr Fourne says while scribbling in his notepad. "You moved around much too soon after your fall. That explains the head rush and vomiting, the car ride most probably did not help though it was necessary." I nod along with him. "What I prescribe, is rest that means resting _your_ brain otherwise it will get worse. Avoid stress, that means no work or anything that may strain your brain. Here's a note to take off work- rest today and tomorrow."

I take the sheet of paper, a day off sounds perfect with everything that's happened today. Just lying in bed with pizza… and maybe Christian lounging next to me.

"So, no history of asthma, heart disease or fluid retention…" He's mumbling to himself and I have to bite my lip to keep from telling him he's interrupting my fantasies. Doctor Fourne prescribes me a low dosage of naproxen for my head as well as ice on my now confirmedly sprained ankle. Taylor's hanging up his phone when I return, greeting me with a shopping bag.

"Flats." I observe giving him a smile. "You think of everything." Together we go get my prescription then before I know it, we're back in the car. "Taylor, thank you for today. You've been a great help and obviously I want to pay Christian back as soon as possible."

 _Oh, Christian…_ What do I about tonight? The characters continue scanning through their notes, the white sits poised on a chair _, you love him, it's that simple._ I nod in agreement, that went without question _. You haven't forgiven him and certainly won't forget what happened,_ the red vixen intervenes from her sprawled position on the floor- I agree with that as well. The only thing we can all agree on is, that he can't know about Jack.

How would I keep that away from him? Ray gave me all the information and tactics I need but how would I even go about applying-

Taylor.

He glances at me as if hearing my thoughts and I realise I've been staring at him. I flush quickly averting my eyes to my window.

I couldn't ask him? Could I? He's Christian personal bodyguard and head of his security team. _He's perfect,_ they croon. Probably has just about everything I need in terms of resources to take down Jack. Then again, I couldn't use Christian like that. _One thing has nothing to do with the other,_ my inner goddess chides. _You're invested in this case with Jack but all of you belongs to Christian._

Admitting to something like that made me think I would just tear open all over again. However here I sit sweaty, with a raw throat and a headache the size of a saucer but it just feels so good to admit it. It felt like I was suppressing it until it was this giant ball of agony eating away at my stomach- slowly eating away at me. I know it's because Christian showing up today, asking to see me, means something and could possibly be something good. This little slither of hope is the light finally appearing at the end of the dark cavern, still I wouldn't drop the flickering flashlight. Not yet.

"The meeting will adjourn in an hour or two. Mr Grey insists I take you home." We're driving extra slowly, while I eat the dry crackers Taylor bought. "Well, Mr Grey isn't in charge of me. Can you take me back to work please?"

He hesitates. "I've seen many soldiers fall and not get up from a mild concussion."

"I just need to talk to my boss, even though Christian technically fulfils that title now." It feels so different to say his name now, as if it's something casual and easy when just a few hours ago the mere thought of it sent me spiralling. It takes me several minutes to regain focus because Christian's name just won't stop rolling around in my head, "Just need to let him know."

Taylor nods, "I'll let him know."

"Taylor, you're someone I think of as trustworthy," He angles his head and I turn my whole body to face him. "And as bad as I feel putting you in this position, I need to ask for your help with something that doesn't involve Christian."

He stops at the red light, glancing at me inquisitively. I wonder what he sees on my face that makes his hands tighten on the steering wheel and his expression switching from controlled emotionless to what can only be described as combat. In consequence he reminds me of Ray and immediately feel more at ease. "Mr Grey, will call in a few minutes, I've been entrusted to get you a number of things for your comfort while recuperating."

Deciding there's no time to argue against getting a bunch of things I don't need from my ex, instead I grapple for the right words to properly convey my situation. "I- I- uh, my-"

 _Focus…_ it's _his_ voice, so crystal clear that I even whip my head around to check he's not there in the car.

"Uh, you probably know Jack Hyde is my boss." I start turning back to him. "There's no other way to say this but I'm sure he's a rapist and an actual dangerous individual. I have after some investigation gathered that he's harassed several of his past employees. I think he may have control over the Human Resources head. I have next to no proof only the words of an ex- employee who was accused of being mentally ill, a few uncomfortable situations with me and a gut feeling. What I do have is a list of ex secretary names and a what I think could be a solid plan."

Taylor mulls my words, before saying. "There's a lot you don't know on this matter."

Astonished, I press. "Tell me."

"Mr Grey has his own suspicions, he's well on his way to do a full investigation." I wasn't even surprised at this, of course, Christian as always is two steps ahead. "It'd be better if you left the company, told us what you know and let us handle it."

"No way, I'm in way too deep to back out now." Panic grips me at the thought of handing this over to someone else. "How much does he know?"

"After his decision to acquire SIP, he found out that most of your boss's assistant's don't last more than a few months. That coupled with his own gut feeling and has me looking into him."

"Anything yet?"

"From the surface he's moderately clean." Before I can ask what that means he continues. "To counts of overnight arrest; one due to disturbing the peace, the other an assault charge, that was wrapped up with a fine."

"Sexual assault?"

"Bar fight." He explains. "He does however have a restraining order against him from one SW."

"SW?" I frown at the initials. "That's the ex-receptionist! That's Sarah Wilson, I know where she is..." He turns to me with a newfound intrigue, "How much do you know?"

"First, you need to promise that you won't tell Christian."

"He already knows something's wrong with Mr Hyde."

"He doesn't know what I know." I pause knowing my request was making him betray his boss's trust. "He can't know what _I_ know."

The car lurches to a stop, the SIP building looming behind us. Taylor's phone rings breaking the silence, "We're out of time, Miss Steele."

"I know," With a sigh I reach for the door. "I know, I'm asking you for a lot. I'm sorry, I swear I'll tell you everything I know if you agree to help me... and that you won't tell Christian."

He nods. "I'll be back to take you home.

"If I'm not here you in two hours, you have my details." He raises an eyebrow; Chuckling at the sheer Christian look that it is. "I know you do." When I'm already out the car and entering the lobby my phone vibrates with a message.

* * *

 ** _Anonymous, 15:47_**

 ** _Delete anything that could tip him off from your company computer._**

* * *

I look behind me just as the Volvo speeds away. Not wasting any time, first removing anything GEH or Christian related from my inboxes then removing any and all aspects to do with other jobs. Alone, I search Jack's office again basically, tearing the place apart then putting it back together again. On this sweep I find absolutely nothing despite it being more thorough, even going as so far as to try every single key in the damn trinket bowl but none of them fit or open the drawer. It must be one of those keys that he has attached to his car keys, keys I never get to touch.

After a short debate I decide to leave the camera in its place, giving the responsibility to Claire to charge and take the camera from its hiding place. Elizabeth's office proves another futile try; the door locked. I couldn't even try to pick the lock with the buzz of the office today, people still approaching me on my fall and connection to Christian Grey. Then I settle to do some work, my head soothed and my ankle with an ice pack on it. Finance tells me the accounts will be inaccessible for a couple of days, so luckily going on a trip with Jack is thankfully out of the question. I improve edits that I had done on some manuscripts then spend some time assisting Hannah with her much heavier workload. I'm not sure how to explain what happened earlier and I'm glad she doesn't ask, only engaging me in idle chat about movie adaptions of books.

When the meeting finally adjourns, I'm there with the rest of the office watching Christian Grey and team stride, yes, I mean stride through our tiny office in their obvious superiority. The girls fawn in awe of him and I can see the envy and admiration in most everyone's eyes. I'm at the back, making no move to be in front of the crowd, as if they'd let me pass. Merely looking at him, even from this far angle was enough.

I only really look away when I notice two women from the marketing department and a man from finance approach him at the entryway. He's looking down at his phone frowning- an annoyed, beautiful frown and his expression doesn't change when they approach him. I almost feel bad watching them as he towers over them flanked with his team of Andrea and Ros Bailey. Instead of staying for the show I walk back to my desk, on which I find Jack leaning against my desk looking a new level of pissed.

"Look, who's finally here? Anastasia, I wonder where you were." It's clear his angry, Jack keeps this perfect image of cool on his face when he's angry but it's so easy to tell it's a façade. He turns without a word beckoning me to his office my head throbs in response, I think I may need another dosage of naxopren.

He doesn't dance around the issue. "You were just out there looking at Grey with all the others weren't you? When I explicitly asked you to check the accounts today."

"I thought I was going to be in the meeting with you today..."

"Are you giving me attitude?"

"What? No." I blanch. It was a statement. "I don't know what you expect me to do about the accounts." His dark, angry eyes silence me. "Do your job Ana."

"I contacted finances they said that the accounts would be frozen until further notice. it was lucky that I had everything booked for you already." His hands grip the table so hard I'm afraid the wood may crack. I'm so glad there's a table between us.

"I'm sorry," He sneers, his face an ugly mask of rage. "Do you want recognition for doing your job?"

"No sir, it's just I can't do anything about this."

"You're so useless- I bet you didn't do anything today just sat around while I had to hear _Christian Grey_ , yapping in my ear like he knew better than me about the company _I_ work in." His tone steadily gets more enraged. "He wasn't even paying attention to what I was saying, texting and taking calls the whole time. So fucking cocky, he had an answer for everything!"

"Mr Hyde-"

"Jack!" This time his fist collides with the desk, his eyes are squeezed shut. Rage radiates off him in a darkness wanting to consume me, I hope this is my frazzled mind seeing this. The pain returns with a vengeance, twisting up my stomach and sending a piercing ring straight to my head.

"Call me Jack, Ana." He's smiling as he regards me, an eerie cheerfulness lacing every word. My stomach twists violently. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay honey." He says raising a passive hand at me. "Let's work together here, I'm just in a mood because of Grey."

"Yes, sir- Jack." My fear far outweighs my curiosity when it comes to Jack Hyde. That's why with shaking hands I reach into my back pocket for the doctor's note fiddling with it for a second before placing it on his desk.

"Look Jack, I tripped today in the lobby and hit my head. The doctor said it's a mild concussion and my ankle's sprained but not broken. I was told to take rest of today and tomorrow off."

"Really?" His scowls. "You know I have my trip in two days."

"The doctor prescribed it, said it might even get worse if I don't take a day or two."

"God, I feel like you plan these things. You're more work then you're worth." I want to be angry but I'm so confused, "What things Jack? I didn't trip and fall on purpose."

He throws the note back at me. "Fine, go home but I'll need you for half a day tomorrow- one o' clock that's when I'll need you more. This is really unacceptable, I hope you know." His tone dismisses me, so I quickly grab the note and hightail it out. My stomach churns with disgust and fear but this time as I clutch the toilet seat, the bile burns my throat all the way out. This coupled with my throbbing head has me wrought.

Standing on weak legs with my back pressed heavily on the wall. _It's okay, Ana-_ they croon as I breathe deeply. _Don't worry, Ana-_ the characters placate me. They're right, I tell myself splashing water on my face and bare arms then despite instruction down an extra prescription pill. Claire embraces me tightly with a promise to take the camera and call later.

My spirits lift when I see that same dark Volvo waiting for me just outside. Taylor exists the vehicle and I keep my steady pace but can't help my thrumming excitement that is until the door opens, only for the disappointment of a bouquet of white roses to greet me.

"Mr Grey, had to head back to the office." Taylor starts as I stare at the flowers that occupy where he should be. "It seems there's a problem with the acquisition. He asked that you call when you leave work."

"Hello again, Taylor. " I say in response climbing in with a newfound despondency. I stroke the bittersweet petals of the flowers absently, as we drive along. "Did you tell him?" There's a long drag of silence.

"Right now, there's nothing to tell." His eyes briefly flicker to mine in the rear view mirror. "I want to hear your full story then we'll see the next necessary steps."

That's as good a confirmation as any. "Thank you, Taylor."

My phone rings breaking what must be our first moment of companionable silence. I don't have to check to know it's Christian. My hands shake with nerves as I answer. "Anastasia." His voice soft but assured greets me.

My throat is unreasonably dry. "Hello Christian."

"You didn't call me…" He lets it hang there, for a second I entertain the thought of him being nervous. "Sorry, I was going to. I just got lost in these beautiful flowers and as you know Taylor is very talkative. I'm on my way home now." The responding chuckle is like a balm to my crushed soul.

"Good, I was worried that you changed your mind." He sounded so unsure of himself. I decide that if Christian did nervous, this was definitely it. "I'm sorry I'm not there. I have to deal with a fuck up over here."

Memories of when Christian left Georgia for an incident spring to mind. "Another incident? Same as last time in Georgia?" I never did find out what happened then. I guess I completely forgot about it.

"Oh no, that was different." The nervous tinge quickly fades into annoyance. "No, that incident was handled."

"I was wondering if the dinner invitation still stands?" Wow, he's really trying, even asking my permission on the matter. "Yes, of course, whenever you finish you can come over."

There's a pause then, "Anastasia, you really should stay at my place. Taylor can take you there and you can recuperate with Mrs Jones there to cook for you." The characters all look at each other, the same line of old habits dying hard being passed around. "That's very nice of you to offer but I'd rather rest in my home. Besides I won't be alone." I add that last part in a little moment of annoyance, trying to bait him.

His restrain clear in the long breath he takes in. "Alright, Miss Steele. I'll try and be there before six o'clock."

"I'll see you later."

"Okay." He responds then after several seconds hangs up. There was so much more I wanted to say, by his responses it's easy to tell that he did too. When we get to my building, Taylor opens the door for me and rounds to the trunk of the car. It's filled with bags, he begins unloading them with no information. I realise then that they're all supposed to be for me.

"What could I possibly need that warrants these bags?"

"You should see the list." After a friendly chuckle, I grab hold of the lightest bags knowing Taylor would object if I took anything heavier.

"Your ankle?"

"I'm good."

"And yet from what I've heard," He clicks the trunk close, locking the vehicle. "You're not."

"It's Jack…" Before I'm able to launch into what happened he interrupts. "It's better if you explained everything from the beginning." So, I do as we walk slowly to my door and up my stairs, I divulge the full story of Jack Hyde and Operation Jackass. I don;t spare a detail including Claire's involvement, Sarah, Wilson, Elizabeth, the camera and Ray's unknowing involvement. Taylor doesn't say a word the whole way through, up until now where I sit at the kitchen island waiting for him to say something from the couch- he's standing, running a hand against his chin as he thinks.

Ethan's nowhere to be found in the apartment but he left a sticky note on the fridge saying he went out for a jog. Having no idea when he wrote that, I send him a quick text as well as Christian letting him know I made it home.

"Miss Steele, there's no way you can use that camera footage in a court of law."

This is one response I expected, "All the other offices in SIP have cameras inside them except his, Elizabeths' and Kays' but even there's have cameras pointed at the entrances."

"Those people are aware of the cameras. If SIP were say a news gathering business like a newspaper or magazine then there would be exceptions but considering all the facts. it wouldn't work. Even if it was soundless- You wouldn't be able to use it or even mention it, you may face charges yourself."

"Despite there being many violations caught on the video?"

"Yes," He glances down at his watch. I know Christian must be expecting him back at a specific time. "That doesn't mean some things can't be used. Like the footage Claire got of you two in the bar, that could be played off as a video captured playfully on her phone."

Seeing my confusion, he continues. "For example, you tell your friend Claire you think your boss has an attraction for you and she playfully records it to prove you wrong." _Taylor is diabolical_ … the vixen croons, I find myself appreciating every inch of his experience that could possibly help me now. "The footage of him blocking doorways, can also be used. You need to catch him on public cameras but continue the way you have been innocent and not leading him on at all. I'll need a copy of all the footage."

I nod biting my lip in contemplation. "We can still use it to make a plan." The camera was stocked with information on Jack, it had to have some benefit. "The original plan seemed so perfect; I tell Elizabeth that Jack asked me on the trip and she goes to talk to him about it in his office."

I know." He says sounding sympathetic. "It would have definitely captured talk of others, you and taking advantage of the job and who knows what other graphic details. It was a good plan, Miss Steele."

"But I'd probably end up behind bars or detained?"

"More likely it would have been scraped and the police would do an investigation. It would give Jack far too much time to cover all his bases."

I nod feeling deflated. He lets out a sigh, making me look up from the floor. "We'll think of something new." Taylor straightens up running a hand over his impeccable suit. "I really must take my leave now."

"Oh," I jump up carefully avoiding my ankle. "I'll give you the full drive when he leaves for his trip Friday, I still want the conversation with Elizabeth captured- maybe we can use information in it."

"You're sure you don't want to tell Mr Grey?"

"I'm sorry, do you feel awkward doing this?" We pause at the entryway; his expression remains stoic as he says. "I just think you'd work better together on this."

"Well," The sudden statement catching me off guard. "I'll see." With a stiff, reassuring nod Taylor leaves, I escort him to the stairs, the thought of him being alone with my thoughts daunting. Too much has happened today, I think my migraine would return tenfold if I was alone. By my door, I turn to face Chloe's apartment finding myself wanting to tell her all about Christian. Since last night, I'm sure she's kept to her vow in coming up with a list of activities we could do to re-adjust my 'emotional being' as she put it.

Once inside the apartment, I go through a few bags before finding a big chocolate bar. She deserves a present for putting up with me although this time I was not willing to part with the flowers. They were already resting in a pretty vase on the coffee table. A few extra seconds pass as I stare at them, then cross the room to wiggle a single, white rose. I bound over to Chloe's who answers after a few minutes a bright smile on her freckled face as well as dabs of white powder on it. In fact all of her is covered in powder, from her loose, flowery dress to the blue, frilly apron on top of it.

"'Veggie Me.'" I read off her apron, all manner of polite greetings forgotten. "Chloe, what are you covered in?"

"You're here!" She yells excitedly then turns her head as if talking to someone else. "She's here!" _Stop being crazy, Chloe_. The vixen teats, the rest of the characters and I quickly shushing her.

"Tell me you're not talking to yourself." As if I could possibly judge, my head filled with cartoons.

"No, I only do that when I take long walks." She laughs opening the door wider for me to get in.

"I wanted to greet you with 'hello'…" She closes the door behind me grabbing me by the shoulder and steering me towards the kitchen around the entryway corner. "And I would have answered with the appropriate, 'Hey Ana, come in.' but who cares for mannerisms? Life is short."

I want to respond but the sight I find surprises me into silence. Chloe's kitchen is a mess. Strewn just about everywhere is the white powder, I now realize is flour, a mess of batter on the counters and floors. Bowls and dishes cover every service and what's left of free space is sprinkled with... cookies. Cookies on trays, pilled on plates, in bowls but the most shocking thing is Ethan amidst it all. He's standing by her oven balancing a tray with blue mittens and has a mouthful of cookie. It's extra ridiculous because Chloe's apartment was already a wonderland of colours, every item she owned down to her cups is colourful, so it felt like you stepped into a parent's worst nightmare and a hectic dream all at once. I'm trying so hard not to laugh but this had to be the craziest day of my life.

My characters all stop their staring to fix me with an incredulous look- okay, maybe seeing the Red Room of Pain for the first time wins out. They all nod turning back to the hilarious scene in front of me. The laugh escapes me uncontrollably, "Oh my God! What is going on?"

Ethan completely oblivious waves at me with his free hand, mumbling some or other thing around the cookie. "Guys, it's a mess." Chloe guides me to a chair and just as my laugh is teetering away, I sit on a cookie and absolutely lose it. I haven't laughed this way in a while, the two simply stare at me from across the counter in bewilderment.

"What's up with her?" He asks Chloe finally swallowing. I wish Christian was here to witness this, he would absolutely die at the sight. Just the thought has me toppling over, I clutch the chair as his surely horrified face entered my mind.

"Well, you're certainly in a good mood." Chloe says coming to dust the cookie off my chair like it was a speck of dirt. They're both smiling bemusedly at me, my continuous chuckles finally affecting them. I'm consciously trying to stop as she begins to talk.

"So, I'm pretty sure you sat on one of the vegan oatmeal but help yourself to any not squished cookies." Ethan coughs interrupting her. "Those were renamed Grandma's Toasty Oatties." Chloe actually laughs aloud now, "Yeah, you may have renamed them but I did not agree to all of these titles."

"This is how the flour war started, Ana." God, my stomach hurts. Finally, I'm wiping away tears their sudden, silly argument sobering me. "Okay, so that explains the flour." I say pointing at them. "And absolutely nothing else, how the hell did this happen?"

"My sister's school is having a bake sale." Chloe says very matter of fact.

I sheath myself into my seat. "A proper explanation on this situation but first," I place the bag with the chocolate and flower on the table, "I got you some chocolate. Technically, got you one, the details of how I got it are not important."

Chloe looks impossibly excited by this. "That's so nice of yo." She takes the bag, quickly excusing herself to put it away. Ethan looks on after her, a look I know so well, then he turns to me. A caught expression flashes across his face, then he looks away composing himself, "How was work?"

"Uh uh, you first mister." I say pointing at him. "What happened to jogging?" As Ethan gears himself up to speak- a characteristic I've picked up on over the years- I survey the cookies in front of me.

"She isn't a fifty-year-old widower with fifteen cats."

Chocolate crumbs spew out as I laugh. "What?"

"I came back from my jog in the morning starving"

"Don't forget to mention, why you were starving." Chloe pipes out making a beeline for the oven on entrance.

"I got lost," He mumbles before continuing normally. "So, I get back, eat the rest of the food Chloe sent over and finish the breakfast you left me. Thank you by the way." He adds as an afterthought. I nod in acknowledgement slightly lost in how good this cookie tasted. God, is it my empty stomach or is this truly heavenly.

"After lazing in my own fat, I finally decide to come thank your dear neighbour, only to find Miss Chloe Vegmont."

Chloe throws her head back laughing. "It was hilarious, he looked at me then asked if he could see my mother to thank her for the food."

Ethan was blushing, I could barely believe it, he was actually blushing. Perhaps i'm in a cookie and naxopren haze and I'm imagining this. "She laughed for five minutes straight, then suddenly I was here and there were endless cookies and- and Ana, can you believe these don't have eggs in them?"

"They're vegan." Chloe substitutes looking flustered.

"It's delicious." Wow, what a knack for this, I never would have thought vegan cookies would be so outstanding. "Good job to you both."

"It's crazy, we used oil and water." He holds one up examining it. "It's nothing I've ever tried before but best cookies I've ever had. I never thought I'd say this but they're up there with your shortbread Ana." I'm genuinely shocked, Ethan doesn't compare my shortbread to anything. After trying it once, he declared it the best desert ever and usually referred to it as a category on it's own whenever he tried a new dessert.

"These rival anything I've ever baked."

"Ana," Chloe leans over. "I must say I'm disappointed you didn't introduce Kavanagh to me last night. If not for his incredibly interesting surname because he reminds me of my late pet snake, Richard."

"What?" Ethan pauses grumbling around a cookie.

"What?" Chloe mimics. I look between the two, thinking they'd get along grand. As the two continue to bicker. I can't help checking my phone, this while a welcomed rest just couldn't keep me from thinking of Christian.

* * *

 ** _Ana, 17:43_**

 _How's the work situation?_

* * *

 ** _Christian, 17:47_**

 _Annoying, but in the midst of resolving. How are you feeling? Why aren't you sleeping? Did the pain get worse?_

* * *

 ** _Ana, 17:51_**

 _All better, my ankle doesn't hurt at all. Still have a bit of a headache but that's probably because I'm not sleeping. And have thoroughly disobeyed doctor's orders._

* * *

 ** _Christian, 17:53_**

 _Hmm, trying to stay calm while absorbing this information. Be there in less than an hour._

* * *

Ethan, Chloe and I continue conversing as we begin to clean up their giant mess. Soon Chloe notices my wrapped ankle, both immediately go into overreaction when I tell them about the accident. I'm properly dismissed with a bowl filled with a variety of crazy named cookies. I'm glad, the two being so immersed in each other that they didn't even notice me being on my phone for ten minutes.

"Hold on, Ana." Chloe leans just outside her doorway. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"I didn't say I did."

"I saw the flower." She offers with sparkling eyes. "It's obvious though, you're glowing practically walking on air. Your aura is tinged with bright orange and a brilliant red and pink."

"It is." I blush for some unknown reason.

"You're all over the place and it's beautiful. Did you get back together with Flowers?"

"Flowers?" I chuckle.

"He came for you, didn't he?" She sounded so proud crossing her arms like a knowing mother. "We're going to see each other. I don't know what will happen but I'm hesitantly excited."

"This is what you look like 'hesitantly excited'." I can't help my excitement growing from her words. "I'm so happy for you. You can't let each other go now, seeing you like this, it's so clear that you two are better together." Quickly I wrap my arms around her in a fierce hug. This is everything I wanted to hear. "Thank you."

"I'm glad for you," She strokes my back. "And just in time, I was about to call in a psychic massage for you." I pull away regarding her seriously. "I don't know why that sounds so great."

"It's a real thing." She insists. "I have a friend that knows how."

"Tobias?"

"Forget Tobias," Her tone an immediate indication to something amiss. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a kitchen to clean with a very cute snake." Chloe reaches out a comforting hand to stroke my arm. "Ana, I truly hope you and Flowers work out."

"But..?" My body tenses in anticipation.

"Nothing..."

"But..." I press.

"But everything and nothing- and everything again."

"What?"

"I don't want to say something you don't want to hear."

"Say it."

"Don't forget what happened before, it may feel like nothing now but it will always be everything. Don't forget the everything that it still can be and was, it's a thing my mom used to say, she explains it better. It's really about all the things relationships are, were and could be." I leave feeling somehow lighter and heavier at the same time. The familiar ceiling lights stare back at me as I lay on the living room couch, the surrounding inky blackness a sudden solace in the silence. It's hard not to think of today; to actually relax with everything that's happened. A thousand emotions run through me. I'm sure I've gone through every thought and emotion possible when finally the doorbell rings.

I leap up steadying my breath.

"Uh, hello?" The intercom stutters with static then, "Are you expecting someone else, Miss Steele?"

"Just checking, Mr Grey."

"Now that you know my identity, may I come up?" My finger hovers over the open button, a moment of contemplation runs through my mind. No characters intervene, only my mind running over every possibility that entails Christian coming up.

"I'm on the fourth floor, apartment thirty- two."

* * *

 **It's still the month of love, ya'll. This is my present of love to all of you.**

 **Thank you for the kind reviews and constant support.**

 **xoxoIvoryxoxo**


End file.
